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Let’s talk a little bit about rape fantasy and guilt.

Defining Rape Fantasy, or Consensual Non-Consent

In order to talk about these things, we need to clearly define what I mean by rape fantasy.  It’s a phrase that causes some dissonance because they involve two inherently contradictory words – rape implies a lack of consent, whereas fantasy implies willingness.  Similarly, the synonymous consensual non-consent is equally conflicting, but is a little clearer about the concepts involved.  

In a New York Times Magazine interview with Bergner (2009), psychology professor Marta Meana discusses the inherent contradiction in the phrase “rape fantasies”:

The appeal is, above all, paradoxical, Meana pointed out: rape means having no control, while fantasy is a domain manipulated by the self. She stressed the vast difference between the pleasures of the imagined and the terrors of the real. “I hate the term ‘rape fantasies,’ ” she went on. “They’re really fantasies of submission.” She spoke about the thrill of being wanted so much that the aggressor is willing to overpower, to take. “But ‘aggression,’ ‘dominance,’ I have to find better words. ‘Submission’ isn’t even a good word” — it didn’t reflect the woman’s imagining of an ultimately willing surrender.

I approach rape fantasy by modifying Critelli and Binova’s (2008) definition to be gender-neutral:

[F]antasies that involve the use of physical force, threat of force, or incapacitation through, for example, sleep or intoxication, to coerce a [victim] into sexual activity against [their] will, that is, against the will of the [victim] in the fantasy. Thus rape fantasies contain three key elements: force, sex, and nonconsent. (p. 58)

Then, in order to fully define rape fantasy, consent must be defined.  The definition of affirmative consent given by the State University of New York (”Definition of Affirmative Consent”, 2018) serves as a good framework:

Affirmative consent is a knowing, voluntary, and mutual decision among all participants to engage in sexual activity.  Consent can be given by words or actions, as long as those words or actions create clear permission regarding willingness to engage in the sexual activity. Silence or lack of resistance, in and of itself, does not demonstrate consent. The definition of consent does not vary based upon a participant’s sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.

The difference for me between affirmative consent as defined above and consent is that consent is an idea and affirmative consent is an action; a person can be consenting without outwardly indicating it, whereas affirmative consent must be clearly and unambiguously communicated.  Rape and sexual assault, then, are defined broadly in contrast as sexual activity lacking consent, affirmative or not.

Consenting Person vs. Non-Consenting Character

There’s a key concept in the Critelli and Binova (2008) definition, which is the desire of the victim in the fantasy.  The original (which concerns male-on-female rape fantasies from the perspective of a female fantasizer) reads: 

[T]he will of the character she identifies with in the fantasy[…]  Because individuals exert control over the contents of their own fantasies, many rape fantasies involve sexual activities that take place consistent with the will and desire of the fantasizer, even though these activities are against the will of her self-character in the fantasy. From the point of view of the self-character, there is nonconsent, and these are rape fantasies. (p. 58)

We can extract from this that there are various levels of cognition at play in constructing a rape fantasy.  There is the fantasizer, the actual person in whose imagination the scenario is playing out; the fantasy-victim, the fictional character who is the object of non-consensual sexual activity; and the fantasy-aggressor, the fictional character who is violating the consent of the fantasy-victim (any or all of these can be singular or plural, depending on the scenario; the singular will be used for simplicity).  

Without these three key components, a rape fantasy cannot be constructed: without a fantasy-victim or fantasy-aggressor, there is no rape; without the fantasizer, there is no fantasy.  Rape fantasy becomes a narrative construct, with fictional characters who may or may not be based on the fantasizer or their experiences, separate from reality and requiring willful suspension of disbelief.

Consent occurs at the level of the fantasizer, whereas the non-consent element occurs at the level of the fantasized, comprised of the fantasy-aggressor, fantasy-victim, and fantasy scenario.  From the conversations I have had, the most common causes of guilt over rape fantasies I have seen are when the consent becomes blurred between the fantasizer and the fantasized: when the fantasizer and fantasized cross over and become difficult to clearly delineate between each other.  This could be, for example, when the fantasy-victim is a fictional recreation of someone who has experienced traumatic rape or sexual assault – especially if that person is the fantasizer (as per the top ask in the attached photo) or when it is difficult for fantasizers to separate the realms of the fantasizer and the fantasized (as per the bottom ask in the attached photo).

Sidebar: Women’s Sexual Arousal by Rape Fantasies

Critelli and Binova (2008) lay out eight potential reasons for why women may have and enjoy male-on-female rape fantasies, based on the prevalent theories of the time from researchers and clinicians:

Masochism: she has an innate desire for pain and suffering (pp. 62-63)

Sexual Blame Avoidance: she wishes to escape blame or responsibility for sex (pp. 63-64)

Openness to Sexual Experience: she has an open and accepting attitude toward sex, including rape fantasies (p. 64)

Desirability: she wants to feel too attractive to resist (pp. 64-65)

Male Rape Culture: she is influenced by the cultural and ideological prevalence (p. 65)

Biological Predisposition to Surrender: she has an innate biological desire to surrender sexually to a dominant male (p. 65)

Sympathetic Activation: a fear response may stimulate her sexual arousal (pp. 65-66)

Adversary Transformation: she wishes to tame a rapist and make him fall in love with her (pp. 66-67)

These categories are specific to women having male-on-female rape fantasies, and as a result, are lacking in full coverage of reasons why people may have rape fantasies in general, and also fails to account for different types of rape fantasies.  Some of these dimensions that are not covered include, but are not limited to:

Gender of the fantasizer(s)

Gender, age, and composition of the fantasy-victim(s)

Gender, age, and composition of the fantasy-aggressor(s)

Power relations between fantasy-victims and fantasy-aggressors

Nature and degree of non-consent in the fantasy scenario

Nature and degree of violence in the fantasy scenario

Nature and degree of fantasy-victim’ cognitive arousal in fantasy scenario

Self-projection of fantasizer to fantasy-victim and/or fantasy-aggressor

As well, the intricacies of the interplays of these dimensions are lost, as well as their composition and frequency for individual or aggregate fantasizers.  Therefore, I see Critelli and Binova’s (2008) categories as a good starting point and basis for discussion, but incomplete in terms of fully capturing the range of possibilities in the generation and enjoyment of rape fantasies.  Enumerating a more comprehensive list of why people may have and enjoy rape fantasies, and offering explanations and justifications for them, is beyond the scope of this post.

A follow-up Binova, Critelli, and Clark (2012) study examining a survey of 355 female undergraduates found no evidence to support that women have rape fantasies as sexual blame avoidance (the avoidance of the perception of promiscuity), but found moderate support for sexual attractiveness/desirability and strong support for openness to sexual experiences, as explanations for why women may have and enjoy rape fantasies (pp. 1116-1117).

Attempting to find trends is a worthy endeavor, but it is perhaps misguided in this case.  The conversations I have had with people with rape fantasies leads me to a view of the nature of rape fantasies that is multi-faceted, where generalizing trends apart from their commonality is potentially damaging.  For example, to falsely generalize that women do not have rape fantasies as sexual blame avoidance could stigmatize and cause self-doubt in women whose motivations for rape fantasies include sexual blame avoidance.

Therefore, my recommendation in terms of approaching enjoyment of rape fantasies and guilt is to look at the various reasons a person may have for being aroused by rape fantasies without trying to legitimize or discard specific ones.  In the cases of reasons where the bases may be scientifically unsound, e.g. the idea that women are biologically predisposed to sexually surrender to a dominant male, it is still useful to examine the psychological and sociological factors of why the reason may be perceived as valid by a fantasizer.

Other studies were examined but not included as they had sampling and methodological issues which made them weak candidates for inclusion.

Enjoying Rape Fantasy is not Enjoying Rape

Does fantasizing about, and being sexually aroused by, the imagination of a victim unwilling or unable to consent mean that people who have rape fantasies secretly desire or support rape?  This is, I think, at the heart of the issue of guilt over rape fantasies.  The messages I get often concern difficulties reconciling rape fantasies with the real injustices and violence happening in the world; real, perceived, or internalized harm to survivors, loved ones, and/or equality movements; or the contradiction between personal experiences and fantasies.

Critelli and Binova (2008) address this question as part of their conclusion:

Because fantasies often involve a wish fulfillment, does this mean that many women want to be raped in real life? […] Viewing rape fantasies with a simplistic model of wish fulfillment assumes that what is important is what the fantasy reveals about real-life desires. It also assumes that rape, as a fantasy event, corresponds in toto to actual rape. These assumptions may lead to a misinterpretation of rape fantasies. Fantasies are powerful emotional experiences in their own right, and the aspects of rape fantasy that do apply to wish fulfillment may involve an aspect or component of fantasized rape rather than a desire for actual rape. (p. 67)

Bergner’s (2009) conversations with Chivers also suggest some motivations behind rape fantasy: 

We spoke, then, about the way sexual fantasies strip away the prospect of repercussions, of physical or psychological harm, and allow for unencumbered excitement, about the way they offer, in this sense, a pure glimpse into desire, without meaning — especially in the case of sexual assault — that the actual experiences are wanted.

“It’s the wish to be beyond will, beyond thought,” Chivers said about rape fantasies. “To be all in the midbrain.”

Taken together, the idea is that rape fantasies do not correspond in whole to rape, rape fantasies do not necessarily indicate a desire to rape or be raped, and that even a wish fulfillment component of rape fantasies should not be extrapolated wholesale to indicate a desire for rape.  The component of fantasy necessarily creates the theater of rape fantasy as performance, disconnected from (but in conversation with) reality.

So where does that leave us in terms of rape fantasies and guilt?

My interactions on and off this blog indicate that the guilt component of rape fantasies comes from the aforementioned difficulty in separating the realm of the fantasizer from the realm of the fantasized.  When the realm of the fantasizer appears to merge with the realm of the fantasized, the dissonance is that the fantasizer actually wants to experience a real-world situation of non-consent (fantasizer->fantasized); when the realm of the fantasized appears to merge with the realm of the fantasizer, the dissonance is that the fantasizer is aroused by actual non-consent (fantasized->fantasizer).  These are subtle but important distinctions, and one is not exclusive of the other.

To put this idea into application: part of the reason for my hiatus is that I felt that these realms were becoming largely blurred, not necessarily on this blog, but in society at large.  This put me in the position where the fantasy captions, which sit in the realm of the fantasized, had what I felt now was a much higher risk of being perceived as existing in the realm of the fantasizer, whether that fantasizer was taken to be the reader, the actual author, or the implied author, caused by exposing instances of the fantasized to a large number of fantasizers.

Conclusion

The reason I have laid out so many definitions in this post is because I hope that they will help people to approach their cognitive conflicts by applying them to their own dissonant situations.  By clearly identifying the realms of the fantasizer, the fantasized, and the situations of consent within each realm, as well as understanding some potential motivations behind rape fantasies, my hope is that people will be able to apply these definitions and gain clearer insight into the nature and cause of their guilt.  

Furthermore, I hope that the outside perspective will help them to resolve it, or at least find new ways to think about and reason through it.  Identify who and what is in the realm of the fantasizer and the fantasized, and the types and levels of consent associated with each one.  Making affirmative consent absolutely clear in the realm of the fantasizer is critical to safe, conscientious rape fantasies.

The key takeaways are:

Rape is non-consensual; rape fantasy is consensual

Different people have different reasons for having and enjoying rape fantasies

Enjoying rape fantasies does not mean you enjoy rape

Many instances of cognitive dissonance over rape fantasies involve transgressions between the realms of the fantasizer and fantasized

These dissonances can be approached using the definitions and frameworks in this post to resolve the levels of consent in each realm

References

Bergman, D. (2009, Jan 22). What Do Women Want? The New York Times Magazine. Retrieved 21 Feb, 2018 from http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html

Binova, J.M., Critelli, J.W., & Clark, M.J. (2012). Women’s Rape Fantasies: An Empirical Evaluation of the Major Explanations. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 41(5), 1107-1119. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-012-9934-6

Critelli, J.W. & Binova, J.M. (2008). Women’s Erotic Rape Fantasies: An Evaluation of Theory and Research. The Journal of Sex Research, 45(1), 57-70. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490701808191

C/W: Rape

FUCK you're tight. Oh god, oh god, I'm really, so fucking sorry but I... I really thought you would have forgiven me. No, I'm not insane, fuck... I just... I just really needed this. I so badly needed to sink my cock into this tight, wet cunt of yours. I wanted to slam my balls against it as I stretched you out and claimed you. Marked you with my fucking cum like you're just a toy for me.

And honestly? I figured you'd just let it go... Fuck... fuckfuckfuck... is that gross of me? Ugh, stop crying. You're gonna make me cum if you look at me like that. Shit, your eyes look so much prettier when you're tearing up, ugh. I knew you'd hate me for a few days. I knew you'd put up this strong front of never wanting to talk to me again but... but I also knew I could get you to cave and forgive me.

I was going to... oh shit, shit, shit, you're going to make me cum like that, holy fuck, stop clenching so hard on my cock like that, you filthy little rapebait fucktoy. I was going to convince you that it was a mistake or that I'd lost my mind for a moment. That I'm actually a good guy that'd never do this...

Ugh, even while my balls are slapping against you now, even while my head's filled with boiling fucking blood, I still think that's such a stupid excuse. I'm a good guy that'd never rape and force myself into any hole... except you. The perfect gentleman except when it came to you. And it still would have worked on you.

God, look at that, baby. Look at hard you've made my fucking cock. Ugh, I figured you'd be grateful for the attention. I thought you'd enjoy being used like a fucking fleshlight by a man. Honestly, you should be thanking me for giving you some purpose in life.

Oh my god, I'm going to cum. I'm going to cum. Fuck, I'm going to pull out and cum in your mouth now, okay? No, it's okay, you'll do it. No, you won't hate me forever. Fuck. You're going to take my cock down your throat and drink up every last fucking drop. I don't give two shits how much you're going cry and scream afterwards but in a few days, you'll get over this and let me do this to you again.

Do you have that one friend that's honestly really fucking hot... apart from their aggravating personality? A smug smile on her pretty face as she pokes tiny little holes into you? Saying things they know would annoy you... just because they can?

It's so, so bad to admit but sometimes I dream of hate fucking her. Every mocking, every teasing, taunting phrase that makes my brain... twitch. Just slightly. Until I need to do something about it.

"Good boy," she calls me, tone dripping with condescension. "Aww, can't you do anything for yourself? Are you really that helpless?" She might say as I reach the end of my patience. "What are you gonna do? Acting all tou— WOAH!"

"Shut the fuck up."

A hand pinning her wrists against the mattress, another firmly grasping a handful of her luxurious hair. My body weight on hers, holding her down.

And for once, she's silent.

Something in her eyes is different. Really different. Dripping with something else, something new. Submission. Silently accepting. And then she shifts into gear and she's mouthing off again.

"Couldn't beat me with words so you had to fucking pin me down, huh?"

That stings. I find myself looking down at her lips. Such pretty lips spitting such sharp venom. I unzip and fish out my throbbing cock. She realises what I'm about to do immediately.

"Hey... hey, no stop that. That's... that's... we can't do that. I'm— I'm sor—aumpgh."

"God... you're so much better when you're quiet," I say, even as her throat struggles and convulses around my thick cock. I shift around, holding her in place as I shuffle my trousers off, before pulling her pretty face up and down my cock. Just like a cheap, worn fleshlight. Two hands on her head, pulling and pushing her sloppy, stupid mouth on my cock.

"Aww, can't talk shit to me now, can you? Did you really sit there and think there wouldn't be consequences for pissing me off, you stupid bitch? Really?" As I hold her down, throat trembling, eyes watering, make-up running down her pathetic face. Weakly, she trembles and resists. Catching a glimpse of her insane, slutty tits, I give them a sharp slap, fondling them as I pound her throat.

God, it feels so fucking good pounding into that warm, wet hole knowing I'm stripping her of her ability to annoy me. Converting that inferior fucking hole into something useful. Just as I feel my balls coil and churn, I pull her off me. She pulls away, strings of saliva connecting the base of my cock to her reddened lips, spluttering with loud coughs.

She pants momentarily, struggling to catch her breath. "You... You asshole, you were so rough— AHH!"

I push her down again, flipping her over to pin her on her tummy.

"No... STOP, please don't. Don't put it in, I'm sorry for saying all that shit. I didn't mean it."

I pause, a hand resting against her chin, another on her perfect ass.

"You don't want this? Really?"

That look in her eyes appear again. And yet she still shakes her head slightly. "No..."

My hand reaches down to her cunt. It's wet.

"Well... clearly, this hole is only good for fucking, not speaking," I say, stuffing my fingers down her mouth. She grunts against my fingers, as if squealing before I slam myself inside her cunt.

She's weak almost immediately. Limp as I jerk off inside her worthless cunt. "Aww, who's a good girl now? Huh?" As I slam myself inside of her, slick, sloppy sounds as my cock stretches her out. She groans against my fingers.

Just normal friends minutes ago. And now she's my worthless fucking bitch. A brainless fleshlight for me to dump my cum into. Memories of her arrogance and cockiness flash across my mind, driving me to pound her hard. Half the pleasure comes from my cock buried in her tight, pretty holes. The other half comes from knowing I'm breaking her into complete submission.

Conquering this mouthy, little thing with each thrust. Claiming her as my own little fuckpet. I chuckle as I fuck her, knowing that no matter how mouthy she is in the future, we'll both know she's my little cocksleeve deep down. Just a set holes that's been designed to take my cum.

The thought of that sets me off, ropes of cum plastering her womb. Claiming her. I'd lay there for a few minutes, catching my breath as she lays under me motionless. As if waiting for me to use her again.

You book a routine appointment with your family doctor. He’s been your doctor for as long as you can remember. You’re pretty sure your mom brought you to him for your first ever check up when you were born.

You always trusted him. Thought he was a very gentle doctor. He knew what he was doing and how to keep you relaxed.

You’re sat in his office while he does the basic physical exam. Height, weight. All normal stuff. He asks if you’re sexually active. You say not yet. What about masturbation. You blush but say yes. He asked why you hadn’t explored sexually with a partner yet? You tell him that it just hadn’t happened.

He asks you to remove your trousers and underwear and get up on to the bed. He’s going to check everything is normal. You feel comfortable with him so you do as asked. He tells you to tuck your knees up and spread your legs slightly. He comes over and looks between your thighs.

werewolf x female reader

It started with him avoiding eye contact.

You’d been living together for months without issue—mostly chill, occasionally flirty, never serious. He was big, warm, annoyingly hot in that messy-hair, heavy-lidded, always-shirtless kind of way. You teased him for how much meat he ate, the way he slept with the window open even in the dead of winter, how he always seemed restless.

You never asked about the wolf thing. It felt… impolite.

“You gonna be good sweetheart? I’d hate to have to rip these pretty clothes of yours.” Panic floods my senses, there’s nobody around, and these men could really hurt me if I argued. Tears fill my eyes and I nod. They’re quick, picking me up and carrying me further into an alley way before I even finish. Rough hands pulling off my sweater only to toss me on my knees onto it. There’s a cock in my mouth before I can even scream, hands moving my hips into place and pinching my nipples. The second man flips up my skirt and grinds against my ass.

“Aww, look at it all pretty for us.” He coos in my ear touching me through my white cotton panties. He presses against my back forcing my throat down on the other, I gag and he pulls out only to slap me with it and thrust back in.

“You think this angle’s good?” A third one says, receiving grunts of approval “I wanna get the whole thing in case we ruin the pup, it’s just too pretty.” He walks over and snaps one of my thigh highs and I flinch.

“Aww hush now baby we’re just getting started.” The one above me coos talking so sweet despite how rough he’s begun fucking my throat. I squeal as the man behind me slips past my panties, cussing at how wet I am. He rips them down my thighs and I only have a second before he lifts my hips and impales me on his cock. It burns but I’m so wet there’s hardly resistance and he forces into me. I try to push them all off me but he pins my hands to my hips and just starts fucking into me rough and deep.

“I was gonna be nice to you y’know, because you were such an obedient little thing, but you’re really just a desperate whore aren’t you? Getting so wet from us violating you like this. You wanted this didn’t you? No bitch goes out dressed this pretty unless they want to be put in their place.” He slams me down and ruts deep while the first one cums down my throat. “Swallow it. I shouldn’t have to tell you what happens if you don’t” I choke but swallow it all down. Just as he pulls out I see a flash of camera and feel the spatter of the third cumming on my face.

“Ah shit, you’ve gotta try it. Here, ” Number Two yanks me up off of him and leans me back against him to slap my pussy. I yelp and try to stop him again but someone grabs my hands. He stops slapping me and thrusts against my asshole while rubbing my clit. My vision is so blurry And it’s so dark here I can’t tell who does what anymore. There’s a red streak from their camera and I can’t help the shame that Anyone could see this, that they’ll have this forever.

“Please, please stop, I won’t tell I promise, I can’t do this please.” My begging is met with hushes and coos and another cock in my mouth.

“Aww you won’t tell? How sweet but I already know that. What would you tell huh? You came over to us looking for a good time and we’re giving it to you doll. Hell, You’re enjoying this so much already, see?” He strikes my clit with another slap just as the head of his cock dips into my ass and slipping back out. He grabs my throat and hold me in place before someone thrusts into my dripping hole again, them laughing at my muffled moans and sobs. Teeth and lips meet my shoulder leaving marks sure to stay for days. The man behind me chuckles and pushes harder against my hole into my ass, only lubed with my fluids. I start whining and whimpering around my mouthful as the heat and shame rises. It spikes and rises as the burning stretch behind me does, and I wiggle to get away from it all.

“Dumb puppy is gonna cum for us hm? You wanted this didn’t you? It’s okay we’re right here, go ahead. Cum while we rape you sweetheart. It’s okay, make a mess all over. Nobody is ever gonna fuck you like this again. You’ll be coming back for us to give you exactly what you need over and over and over.” He bottoms out and presses hip hips against me, rutting deep and slow. I can feel the man in my pussy throbbing and Pressing against him inside of me. The feeling of it all makes me cum harder than I ever have before. My vision goes spotty and I feel wetness shoot down my thighs and soak into my socks.

“Oh god did she just squirt?!” The man above me moans and starts cumming, pulling out to cover my face with it.

“Told you this one would be fun. What a good little thing, think we can make her do it again?” Tha man behind me holds my hips hard enough to bruise and begins lifting me up and down their lengths length leisurely as I tremble and clench around them. I cling to the one in front of me, embarrassed and overwhelmed and sobbing into his shoulder.

“Aww hush now we’ve got you remember? You’re ours until we’re done so just let us big strong men do whatever we want with you hm? This is really your fault anyway. That’s right, so sweet, take everything we got. Fuck, that’s right take it all. Take it. Fucking take it!” His pace picks up with his volume before He’s pressing in and cums deep in my ass, staying inside me after and guiding me on the others cock as well. I moan and realize they aren’t using condoms just as the man in my pussy starts to twitch.

“Not inside me, please no more, not in my pussy please pull out oh god please” fingers circle my clit and cut off my moans. The one fucking my pussy leans forward to talk in my ear.

“You on birth control Princess?”

“No no no please I’m not don’t cum inside please no no” he ignores my please, fingers speeding up on my clit and cock fucking into my ass again. I start crying again, overwhelmed and feeling a climax rising again.

“It was cute how you got all hopeful there for a second, as if you had a choice” He growls and bites down, cumming deep inside. Heat splashing right across my cervix send me sobbing through a second orgasm.

They keep me there for hours. Sending me over the edge again and again. Talking so sweet and being so rough and not caring how sensitive I am. Once they’re done I expect them to simply leave me there but one pulls out a thing of tissues and wet wipes and starts cleaning up my face. He pulls up my panties but doesn’t clean my throbbing holes. Just the rest of me as he dressed me tender and gentle.

magnetic tip screwdrivers will save your life

surround yourself with plushies

make cringe art

do it scared but not alone

good friends won’t leave you feeling rough after every interaction

your friends are everything

text them even if you never replied and it’s been months

get another tattoo

stretch before and after lifting weights

if you want it make it happen

don’t be a bootlicker or sellout

sleep 10hrs a night

eat a lot and be fat

fuck free and nasty

do your thang no matter how people react