Only Women Shits

I’m digging threw OLD messages now. Didn’t know how to answer them at the time.

(art by phobosmarsone)

Hope you enjoyed this latest Hailey. If you can afford it, enjoy these additional 10 drawings I made of Hailey and her friends. Like before, here’s the preview: http://s32.postimg.org/s8qjlueqd/preview.png And here’s the purchase link: https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?c=cart&ejc=2&cl=289070&i=1488416 And again, please don’t upload it anywhere.

“So I spoke to Victoria about Ned, and… yeah, pretty much what you told me.” Day said sitting on the bed I was laying on.

“See? He’s just going through a phase. And the best I can do is give him positive reenforcement.” I replied.

“Well I don’t give anyone who flips me off positive reenforcement. Especially if they’re 13 years old.”

“Trust me. Ned will come around eventually, and it all starts with me and mom cooking a dinner to end all dinners tonight.” I said, excited to start cooking with mom again like old times.

“Oh yeah,” Day replied sarcastically, “Nothing wins over today’s youth like culinary excellence.”

“It’ll give Ned a chance to experience what I got to do as a kid that he might’ve missed out on. I would cook with mom all the time. And we would always add our secret ingredient.” I said, blowing a warm fart out my ass.

FrrrrrruuUUUUPPpppp

“Oh god, please don’t tell me it’s what I think it is…” Day said worried.

“If you think it’s a teaspoon of pepper and sugar mixed together, then it is.”

“OH! Oh thank god.” Day said relieved, “I thought you two would fart on whatever it is you were cooking.”

“What? Nah!” I replied, “That’s OUR secret ingredient!”

“Wait WHAT!?” Day said shocked as if just now hearing about this.

“You’re just now finding out that I fart in almost everything I cook at home?” I asked perplexed, under the impression it was inherriently obvious.

“You WHAT!? So the roast beef, quasadillas, chicken noodle soup…”

“All given extra flavor by my butt.” I said, a little too proudly.

“I was wondering why everything you cook has a hint of fart! I can’t believe you’ve been doing this almost every time!” Day said frustrated.

“I just thought you did the same.”

“Why would I do that? I don’t need a secret ingredient, let alone my butt, to make a delicious meal.” Day said.

I gave Day a pervy look and said “Well if you ask me, it would really bring your cooking up from good to amazing!” I then slapped Day’s gigantic rear, prompting a loud juicy fart to emerge from it.

BRRROSHP

“Oh stop it! I’m trying to be mad at you…… and failing. Can you do that again?” She asked, prompting me to give her what she asked for. I smacked her enormous plump rump once more.

PRRRAAAAASSSHPPPpppppp

“Aaaaah yeah!” Day said, relaxing and becoming more and more aroused. “God it sucks that I already made the no sex rule on this trip.”

“Trust me, I would not judge you if you chose to renounce that rule.”

“I can’t. There’s a kid here.” Day said disappointed.

“I’m pretty sure he’s familiar with sex as a 13 year old with internet access.” I said.

“I just don’t wanna see him walking in on US banging.”

“I have super fast reflexes when it comes to that. I’d just quickly act like I’m sleeping, which is easy.”

“Yeah, for you, all you gotta do is close your eyes and snore from your ass.” Day jokingly replied.

“Speaking of which…” I lifted my leg and released a deep smelly snore.

FAAAaaaarRRRRBbbbbbb

“Aaaah, that was a good one!” I sighed in relief.

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I drew some additional Hailey art available for $11. Features drawings of all the female characters you’ve seen in the story thus far in different scenarios and pasitions, showing off their butts and farting up a storm.

Here’s a preview: http://s28.postimg.org/yte8kev5p/image.png

And here’s the purchase link: https://www.e-junkie.com/ecom/gb.php?c=cart&ejc=2&cl=289070&i=1484108

If you bought it, you’re already cool. So please don’t upload it anywhere. Thanks and enjoy!

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry, Ned!” I apologized realizing I had just farted in his face. Granted, growing up, that inevitably happened quite a bit. I mean, Ned’s face has always been at my waist level… and the level of the thing I use to make waste… Yeah that was too gross even for me.

Either way, Ned didn’t saya ntyhing. He just sorta walked out of the kitchen and went downstairs to the basement. He walked pass our mom, not saying a word.

“Hey mom?” I said to her, “How come Ned is staying in the attic and we’re staying in the guest room?”

“Honestly, Ned insisted on having the basement to himself.” She said, making me question his motive. “Something about how stench rises, so the basement would be the least smelly area in the house.”

“Well alright. I can tell an introvert when I see one. I’ll give him his space.” I said, still a bit worried that he might not enjoy himself as much as I’d hope. “This house doesn’t smell that bad given the circumstances. Then again, with me and Day here, it’ll most likely start smelling even worse.” I said giggling and ripping a deep wet poot that proved my point.

PrrrRRROOOOoott

My mom laughed and sniffed the air before saying “You’re right about that. Although that smelly butt of yours might come in handy when fishing.”

“Oh shit I forgot about fishing!” I said, remembering how much fun fishing with mom was back in the day. We didn’t even need fishing rods. All we needed was scuba gear, and our rotten rumps, and fish just rose to the surface for us. “I can’t wait to fish with Ned! Maybe that’ll cheer him up!”

“Perhaps. But there’s no way he’ll be able to fish like we used to. So I got him a fishing rod incase he wants to help catch some dinner.”

“Sounds good. I can’t wait to teach him how to do it the old fashion way instead of the new millennial way.”

“Okay I might be old, but even I know farting in the river is not the ‘millennial’ way to fish.” Mom said as she chuckled. And I couldn’t even argue. Farting isn’t the millennial way to do anything… In fact, anything involving butts isn’t the millennial way to do anything except piss off social justice warriors.

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A bunch of drinks later…

“Oh my god Hailey, I can’t believe you downed 5 Blind Russians… aren’t you lactose in tolerant?” Linda asked, astonished at my ability to hold down booze.

“Yeah.” I responded, feeling tipsy as I leaned to the side and ripped a long wet fart that smelled like chocolate liquor and Irish cream.

PFFffffFFFRRrrrrraaaarrrtTT

“Oh jeez!” Linda reacted by fanning her nose, “dairy and booze is never a good combination for you! Plus it makes your farts sound wetter than usual, to the point where I’m always worried if you sharted.”

“Oh don’t worry, I don’t lose complete control over my ass when I’m-”

BBbbllurrublarbfruaptbaflrraaplrrpbbttt

A long, warm, bubbly fart pushed it’s way out, admittedly without my consent.

“W-was that me?” I asked being 80% sure it was me.

“Oh my- Fuck Hailey!” Linda got a good whiff of that one. “I’m just glad my nose isn’t as sensitive as Madison’s… speaking of which, she’s been in her catatonic state for longer than usual.”

“Oh don’t worry, her brain should turn back on in a few sec-” And just then, Madison inhaled loudly.

“OH GOD!” Madison said as she woke up. “Why do you always do that to me Hailey!? You know my nose is delicate. I can’t handle when you fart right next to me, let alone right in my face!”

“Then why do you keep hanging out with us?” I asked.

“Yeah. I mean, Hailey, Autumn, and I always fart when we hang out.” Linda said as lifted her right leg, ripping a deep smelly one.

PPPUUUUURRB

“See?” Linda then smelled her own fart “Phew! Good one.”

“Dammit Linda! This part of the bar already stinks enough with Hailey’s butt here, we don’t need your rancid rear gassing it up too!” Madison ranted as she held her nose tightly.

“Honestly Maddie, you can always say no to our hang out sessions.” I told her.

“Well if I wasn’t here to keep you guys in check, no one would be. Honestly, do you guys just go around farting wherever you go? That is the most crude thing! I can’t think of anything more disguating in the whole world! And I don’t see how anyone could possibly find joy in that! God, it’s like I’m the only normal one in this entire-”

BRRRAAAAARRRRFFF

PRRRRRRUUUUUUUBBBBBB

Faplfrbarbplareuorrrtttbbbbtttppllarp

Me, Linda, and Autumn pointed out butts towards Madison, and managed to shut her up by overloading her mind again with too much smelly sensory data.

“Seriously, I think she only hangs out with me because I’m kinda sorta famous.” I said, not sure if that’s true or not.

“Whatever reason she’s your friend, she has been a friend.” Linda replied. “Remember when you and I went skiing and she called us to warn us about the blizard we didn’t know about?”

“Yeah.”

“And when your car broke down in the middle of the Nevada desert, and she drove out to get you?”

“Yeah.”

“And when she let you use her washing machine since your washing machine was making that weird noise… I don’t remember how it sounded… Hey Autumn, do you remember how that noise sounded?”

Autumn thought about it, and repsonded.

Fffffffaaaaaabbttt

“Yeah! It did sound a bit like that… Thank god it didn’t smell like that.”

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Comic/Story 6: By Animatedjames

“Something wrong Hailey?” Day asked me.

“Nah.” I replied, “I just hope the messages I get from real life people are a bit better.”