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So, as it is tradition (or has been tradition for the last two years) I am yet again writing a post on how good and bad my 2017 was. 

Now I know that most of these posts start with the achievements that I’ve accomplished in this year and this one won’t be any different. But since a friend and me realised that people only seem to post about good things online (and make it seem like everyone’s life is only rainbows and butterflies), I will also be making a list of the kinda bad stuff that happened to me in this year.

So, the good things first: 

I participated in Erasmus+ and went to freaking Leeds for two weeks (thirteen year old me is shaking). It was an amazing experience and I’ll probably write a separate post about this.

I made A TON of new friends and met so many amazing people that made my life a lot richer.

My grades were... well they were not completely straight A’s, but they were really good. I tried my best okay?

I wrote a bunch of songs and stories. I’ve been posting the stories, but I doubt if I’ll ever post my songs.

Now... the bad stuff (there is more of bad stuff than there is good stuff):

I had to break off a friendship because the relationship was really toxic. Even the first two months after me being free from that person were like hell. I also feel like I’m kind of pushing some other friends away...

There was... a lot of stuff in my family. Some of the issues have resolved themselves, but some have not. I’ve also lost a very close family member to cancer this year. Not to mention the other medical issues.

I’ve had some medical issues myself. One of the worst being my eczema on my hands. I hope it doesn’t happen that severely again, because I don’t wanna experience my hands being useless again.The worst part is that we don’t know for sure what’s causing them, but, as of now, they are being kept at bay.

Also... September-November was kind of a very rough patch in my life. I was at a very dark place... I don’t think I’ll ever go into full detail with this, because only two people know about this right now.

I also got ghosted, but compared to everything else, that’s just nothing. It didn’t hurt me at all.

So I can’t say bullshit like “2017 WAS THE GREATEST YEAR EVER HOLY SHET”, because it wasn’t. For now, I’m just going to say I survived it.

2018. I have better expectations for you. If you let me down...

That is all, bye!

Hello friends and enemies

So... drum roll?

For most of the time I felt like my coming out story didn’t matter, because it was mostly great and okay and stuff. But in the sea of bad coming out stories, I feel like there need to be some that are good. So, here’s mine.

My coming out story begins on a sunny day in July 2014. I had just recently finished elementary school and was deciding on how short I’m going to cut my hair (I had this idea that because I was closing an important chapter in my life and starting a new one I needed a change. So why not cut of most of my hair?) and was doing mostly lazy summerish things, like sleeping till 1 pm. I was also talking to one of my newer friends daily. Mostly via twitter. Our conversations were light-hearted most of the time, till one day she sent me a message, saying that she was thinking she was bi.

Now since this was an important part in my life (all the changes, all the growing up stuff, all the fears of the unknown) I thought about my sexuality too. Like... was I straight? I sure did like boys, but not all the time... and yes, one day after the whole thought process, I came to the conclusion that welp, I was bi. It was weird to me at first and I actually thought that I was just making this up to myself, to feel a bit special at first.

Back to my friend and her message. As I was thinking of a reply a thought crossed my mind; why not just come out back to her and be done with this? And that’s what I did. Sure, some people might not consider my first coming out moment as an actual coming out moment since I just simply wrote ‘Yeah, me too.’ But to me it was. And it was an important part of my life.

My second year of secondary started with me coming out to people for the second time in my life; it was to one of my classmates and her twin sister. I was kinda nervous, but both of them were (and still are) super open-minded and amazing people. And as if fate was playing some sort of joke on me, the second time I came out to someone, that person came out back to me. I still laugh at it now and I hope that you find this funny as well.

And in my second year I started thinking of the idea that I might actually be pan and well... that was kind of shoved down, because well... this is Slovenia we’re talking about, LGBT+ representation here is already shit, non-binary here just “don’t exist”. And people were already confused by my ‘bisexuality’.

But now... well... certain events have caused to put my foot down and find my sexuality, which is:

PANSEXUAL

And well... that’s kinda my coming out story? Not the most amazing thing ever but; I know that coming out might not be this easy for everyone, I know some people in my life to whom I could never come out too, but who knows, one day I just might.

I’m sitting on the train. My ‘friend’ across me, is chatting one her phone, with another friend, who is enduring the horrible and tragic situation, of a boy not turning out to be who she thought he was. Heard it a couple hundred times. Experienced it a few times, though the farthest I ever went with a guy was just kissing.

But I’m dealing with deeper things at the moment, to worry about boys.

After today’s early 9 am break-down over a deadline I again forgot about, I had this... decision. That I need somewhere to share this stuff, that I don’t like, that is happening to me right now. So I thought ‘why not revive my old ass blog?’.

I’m not gonna do a formal introduction; no one from real life follows me on here and if you accidentally clicked the follow button once, chances that you might see me somewhere, are slim. Not because I don’t go out much, but because I simply don’t live somewhere, where everyone has a Tumblr. I’ll describe that place sometime in the near future.

So this is my informal introduction: Heya, my name’s not important and my current lifestyle choices aren’t that smart. But this is what I’m doing now. I’m using this as my personal diary.

Hopefully you believe, that I am a real person, with real things happening to her. And as a real person I am writing this, to find other real people, with this happening.