Marie The Konquerer
The year is 2045.
KonMaria has now been adopted by 38 countries as official domestic policy.
Marie Kondo has been elected ‘ruler in absentia’ in 12 of them, and declared Queen in a further 5.Giant statues of her are erected at every airport, diplomatic building and Home Depot.
Everything is folded neatly and placed small, in easy-to-access boxes.
Charities and shelters are so full to bursting with donations they can no longer focus on their work. The UN has declared that, to end the crisis, all items that do not spark joy are to be launched into the sun by 2050.
In this, the final episode in season 84 of Tidying Up, Marie has finished helping Greg, a compulsive hoarder and last human being to adopt KonMari, to throw away his thousands of back issues of ‘Angling and Flyfishing’ magazine. Iida The Translator looks on beneficently as they hug.
Greg (tearful): Thank you so much Marie. You’ve turned my life around.
Marie: *claps* Now my work in finally complete!
Greg: Yeah, it’s been a really journey...
Marie: Time for the FINAL LESSON.
Greg; Wha…?
The screen displays the title ‘Lesson 5: Only Joy’
Marie raises her arms and a pair of giant, silvery wings emerge from her back. Iida The Translator opens all 50 of her mouths and speaks in every language at once.
Iida: The chaos has been defeated. Joy reigns! Order reigns! Rejoice, humanity, rejoice!
The two rise up on a beam of golden light, as the whole of the world watches them disappear into the clouds. They stand over the Earth, looking down on its neat, tidy perfection.
Marie flaps her wings once, and entropy halts - all life on Earth freezes, preserved in the moment of joy. It will be like this forever. Marie smiles.
Marie: Arigato!
She folds the Earth into a neat rectangle and places it, along with other completed planets, in a small box. Iida the Translator looks at her. She nods. They move on to the next planet, and after that the next, and the next, until all there is….is the spark of joy.
