Spectres’ Fulcrum

Porsche didn’t know what time it was, or if he was supposed to be on duty. He just knew people knew now. He was an omega. He was weak. He wasn’t sure if it had spread outside those at the hotel-surely Chan had been told. But others had to wonder-why he and Kinn and Pete had been missing for almost a week. And who knew if Big and Ken had gleefully spread the news. They probably had. The stupid new recruit was an omega in disguise. No wonder he had failed all the physical tests.

They weren’t ignorant either. Surely they knew that Kinn had helped him through his heat.

Porsche wouldn’t admit to enjoying it.

He had hated the loss of control. Giving into the instincts he believed would hamper his ability to earn money to care for and protect Chay.

But in the darkest parts of his mind he couldn’t lie. Kinn-Kinn had been divine. He wanted it again-over and over. He wanted Kinn outside of heat. He wanted things like their drunken kiss, but this time with no drugs or drink. He wanted them, nothing impairing them.

But mostly all he knew was that he felt naked.

He pulled his blankets closer and burrowed deeper as he heard Pete enter their bedroom. Pete had offered to vacate, stay with Arm and Pol, but Porsche wanted the beta near.

“Can I join you?” Pete asked gently. Kindly. Like Porsche could say no and it was okay. But Porsche wanted to not feel alone.

“You don’t care?” He asked and felt stupid.

Of course Pete didn’t care. Kinn had trusted him alone to come in between waves. To check on them. He’d touched Porsche’s feverish body, slick and cum drying on it. Had bathed it. Had slipped water bottles and fruit between his lips. He’d been-familiar. Safe. Grounding as Porsche went through things he had been terrified of for years.

Porsche knew Kinn hadn’t enjoyed allowing the beta into their makeshift nest. But somehow he’d known that Porsche would need the grounding of his new friend.

It wasn’t common anymore. Allowing a trusted beta or omega to care for an omega between waves. But Kinn had defaulted to it, somehow knowing Porsche would need it.

Pete rolled his eyes and slipped into Porsche’s bed. They’d spent nights like this, whispering and giggling. They wrapped around each other.

“There’s nothing to care about,” Pete said and hugged him close. “Nothing at all.”

“At minimum I lied to you,” Porsche said.

“You had your reasons,” Pete said, “It started long before us.” Porsche nodded.

“I do,” Porsche said.

“Don’t ever let anyone define you be this,” Pete said. Porsche felt a wave of love. “The people here-they don’t know what omegas can do.”

Porsche shrugged.

“I’m serious. Your last test scores shut everyone up,” Pete said.

“Now that I’m The Omega all they’ll ever remember is my first round,” Porsche said.

“The assholes like Ken will, sure. And Big, who hates that Khun Kinn isn’t into alphas,” Pete said. “He isn’t terrible when he doesn’t feel threatened. Maybe he always knew deep down that you were an omega.”

“I know,” Porsche said and sighed. He knew Big’s hatred was personal. They laid in a comfortable silence. Something about Pete made him feel so safe. It was almost like being with Chay or Tem, they only two omegas he let himself be physically close with and let himself give into what little omega pack urges he had left after years of suppressants.

“Do you want to know a secret? Like something only P’Chan knows?” Pete asked, face open.

“I don’t think that’s wise. I can’t even keep my own secrets,” Porsche said.

“You were drugged and assaulted, pulled into an extremely traumatizing heat. You didn’t tell anyone. Someone messed with your body chemistry,” Pete said, voice now a gentle firmness. “You hold no blame for that night.”

“I just-” Porsche started. “Do you think they knew?”

But Porsche remembered the shock. The horror on both sides when the man in white smelled him. The man hadn’t meant for it to be like that.

“I’m sorry, Porsche. I didn’t know. I would never put an omega at risk in this world.” The words had been soft, apologetic, horrified. He’d already been off of Porsche when he found off Kinn was alerted.

Whoever it was knew how the worst of mafias treated omegas.

But it still wasn’t enough to negate that the man had triggered something so unwanted.

But he wanted someone else’s opinion.

“No,” Pete said. “What we found in your system isn’t a common heat inducing date rape drug. It’s commonly used on betas. The side effect of it bypassing omega suppressants isn’t commonly used. They’d use a different drug if they knew. Arm didn’t question it and he doesn’t know the details of what happened.”

“I-okay,” Porsche said. “If you trust me.”

“I’m an omega too,” Pete whispered with a smile and what? Porsche looked at him, but it made sense. The overwhelming sense of safety that bound them.

“What?” He asked. Pete nodded.

“I understand all the reasons you could be hiding who you are, Porsche. It’s not lying. It’s protecting. It’s not letting society-especially mafia society- stop us,” Pete said.

“All that matters is giving Chay a good life. Making sure he could stay at the school our parents started him at when he was five. Not ripping him away from his friends and the opportunities an international school offers. The tuition is steep. If I lived as an omega, I’d be expected to work certain jobs. Surely, I'd end up on a street whoring myself for his tuition money. Smelling like a beta, looking and acting like an alpha, I could keep a solid job as a bartender. Could rely on tips. I could keep doing judo, keep the sports scholarship I was working toward before presentation. If I lost that, I’d lose my place at my university. I needed to hide who I was,” Porsche whispered.

“I understand,” Pete said.

“I remember being in the throes of my presentation heat, and all I felt was pure terror that I had damned Chay. Every second of it, I was trying to figure out how to hide. How to beg for suppressants. And I got onto the floor of the exam room and I begged, Pete. I was so certain if I let the public see who I was, Chay would lose everything. I would’ve turned to mafia drugs before I walked the streets as an omega,” Porsche said, feeling hot tears falling down his face. “I’ve never told anyone that before.”

“You’ve done so good, Porsche,” Pete said, “You’re such a good brother.”

“But will Khun Korn kick me out now? What about my debts? What about Chay’s university?” Porsche said.

“Khun Kinn would never allow that,” Pete said with surprising vehemence. “I don’t know what is between you two but he doesn’t do that. He doesn’t take care of omegas at heat. Marsh and the other boytoys try. He’s had boytoys come over in preheat uninvited to try to convince him to help them through their heat. He hasn’t been tempted in years, since he caught his ex-boyfriend cheating on him. That was years ago. You’re different.”

“Don’t,” Porsche said.

“It’s true. I know the entire thing is surrounded in bad, but he seems to like you. He was always hovering when I was taking care of you. He looked at you like you were precious to him. He needed to know you were okay. I don’t think he trusted himself with you when you needed non-sexual care. Not that he didn’t care, but he didn’t trust himself not to hurt you even more. That’s not Khun Kinn. Trust me. I’ve known him since we were seven and eight. He doesn’t hesitate with that,” Pete said. Porsche looked at him, feeling his heart skipping beats.

“I didn’t know I could ever enjoy a heat, and he gave me so much more,” Porsche whispered. He could barely hear himself. Pete laughed warmly.

“I kinda got that,” He said.

“We kissed, before. That night all of us went out. When we were drunk. I still don’t know what’s real and what’s-” Porsche made a noise.

“Games? Alpha-omega? A mess?” Pete said. Porsche nodded. “I know there’s so much noise but he’s-he’s real. I don’t know if he’s ready for something real. We always thought he sealed his heart away after Tawan but I think he might for you.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for something real. If I want it. If I can be the omega he needs,” Porsche said softly.

“He clearly wanted you when he thought you were a beta,” Pete said. Porsche didn’t want to continue this conversation.

“So what about you?” He asked. Pete chuckled.

“Oh I’m not noble at all,” He said. “Khun Korn saved my island from a hungry business man when I was a toddler and started buying our exports at a fair price. We all are indebted to him. He brought his sons to visit on business sometimes as kids. We were friends, and Khun Korn was friends with my grandparents. I even met Khun Vegas and his family when we visited them in Bangkok. Back then, Khun Korn was minor family too. When we were pre-teens, Khun Korn was made his leader of the major clan and was too busy to be hands on, and Khun Nhu was too anxious too travel after being the kidnappings. Their last visit or two, they showed up on the ferry on the dead of night because Khun Nhu was so scared to face the crowds of people. Of course, he was just P’Khun to me back then.”

Porsche had had no idea Pete and the sons of the clan went so far back.

“I always wanted to work for Khun Korn in Bangkok. But I knew as an omega, the best I could hope for was a maid. Possibly, a whore in a casino or another property. Selfishly, I wanted more value to the family that saved my entire island. So when P’Chan showed up to check on the business after my presentation, I stated taking suppressants and wearing scent blockers when he was around. The island knows I’m an omega. On visits home, I’m an omega. I have my heats during my visits home. I love being an omega. After my time as a bodyguard is up, I plan on coming clean and finding an alpha. I can only hope I’m not infertile after all these years of suppressants. But I wanted more that being a maid. I love the family too much to be content,” Pete said.

“That’s bullshit,” Porsche said.

“I said it wasn’t noble,” Pete said. Porsche shook his head.

“No. The fact that you knew you’d be limited if you were honest so you have to lie and give up something you love, risk your fertility, just to be valued by Khun Korn and Khun Kinn and Khun Kim-Not adding Khun Nhu because we both know he wouldn’t care. It’s bullshit. How do we still live this way? Lying and begging for scraps of approval from alphas?” He demanded.

“I don’t know, Porsche. It’s worth the risk,” Pete said, but he looked so tired in the moment that Porsche knew there was some moments where that was a lie.

“We shouldn’t have to do this,” He said softly.

“We shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have seen your first heat as Chay’s damnation,” Pete agreed. They laid in the comforts of each other’s arms. If Porsche felt safe in this house, in his skin, if Pete wasn’t using his suppressants, they’d be scenting each other as omega packmates, Porsche knew instinctively. For the first time, outside of Chay and Tem, Porsche wanted to do that.

“I don’t know if I can stay here,” Porsche whispered. “I think I need to go home. At least for a bit. Be with Chay. Then I can see how much everyone hates me here.”