Be Still, My Beating Heart

How... pathetic, really. There was no other, or better, word that he could think of. Pathetic that he had to rely on the opinion of his egi, but even more-so that it had even gotten to this point. What had happened? Sleipnir could tell him everything that he knew, but without being able to talk to him Barnabas knew he would never have the true answer or the full picture.

Which was... just as well. Something told him he would hate himself, regardless of what reason he was given for ending up in this position.

"Then tomorrow we will leave this place." If what Sleipnir was right, and Barnabas saw no reason to think he was lying, there was no reason for them to stay here. There was no one here. The castle was filled with ghosts, and while it was unfair to them to simply run off - there was nothing here that he could do.

The only way to try to honor them was to stop everything that the prior Barnabas had tried to put in place before.

"We will go looking for Mythos... and see what we can do to convince him we wish to aid his rebellion against Ultima."

Sleipnir could argue with this, but Barnabas wasn't fool enough to believe he could do this without the aid of another, and who better to be the sword that cut down Ultima's life than the very Mythos that he was hoping to get to his side?

Sleipnir tried not to frown at the thought of attempting to join with Mythos and his ilk. It wasn't so much that he was opposed to the idea - although he was - but because it meant that he would need to explain a lot of history to his King. History around Mythos and his brother, Harmon, Kupka... Cidolfus. It would mean explaining their history and why he left, the hatred and fear of a man that this Barnabas would barely be able to recognise.

"As you wish." It was an issue for later. There was not the time for it tonight and Sleipnir could go over such things as they travelled. "When we arrive in Storm I will see if any of my contacts remain and what they know of Mythos's location."

There was... Another concern. If he was in the outlaw's place he would certainly require that Barnabas remain unarmed until trust was earned and the collection of Dominants would easily be able to figure out the truth of Sleipnir, so the question was; would they consider him another weapon? He was a sliver of Odin, comparable to Zantetsuken itself. He could not allow them to separate him from his King. But he supposed that was also a problem to be dealt with later.

"Of course, if you would allow me a moment to change as well."

He led Barnabas back into his chambers and left him to get settled as he went to his own. Sleipnir shed his bloodstained garb and replaced it with a loose night shirt. He undid his braid and brushed out the styling of his hair as well. It was likely a slightly more familiar state for the other man, and Sleipnir took a moment to look at himself in his mirror and take his his own features.

When he returned, he found himself hesitating upon the threshold.

If Joshua wanted him to bend the knee, then he would be sorely mistaken and frustrated. Terence simply stared down at him; there might have been only a few inches between their height, but he saw no reason not to use it to his full benefit.

"Kick my men out. See the support you get for that decision. I'm sure the lovely people of Rosaria would feel comforted that their future Arch-Duke is willing to allow harm to come to innocent men just because he felt the need to make a point."

Clearly this was a losing battle - both of them were stubborn to a fault, it seemed. Not to mention the losses they had each suffered that tore down their defences and left their nerves raw and vulnerable. Still, that didn't mean Joshua was going to back down.

"All I have done is to protect my people! I never abandoned them!" He raised his voice, he wasn't quite in control of it. He had spent his entire life in service to Rosaria and he would not endure the accusation that he been hiding.

Shouting was difficult on his throat though, and a sudden coughing fit broke through his control. The pain spread through his chest as his lungs began to scream. He fell to his knees and doubled forward, clutching at the fabric of his shirt. Gasping desperately for air between coughs, he felt dizzy.

"His Vessel is against him?" What more would he need to know to be firm in the thought that following Ultima would only be walking them down the path of ruin. Mythos was meant to be the ultimate follower of Ultima, and even he did not want to be tied to him.

He was the pathetic one, clearly, who had been so intent to be tied to the side of the monster.

The question of how he could contact them was on his lips; the fact that they were enemies was not a concern that worried Barnabas in the moment. Sleipnir had made no secret just how different the two of them acted; surely his enemies would be able to tell that something was wrong with the so-called King. But he paused, contemplating another thought as he slowly turned to look back at his egi.

Sleipnir inclined his head in confirmation. "Mythos is incredibly hard to control, it seems. He refuses Ultima at every turn; Ultima believes his connection to his friends and family is the cause of this. And... The sin of free will."

The Dominants should have fallen in line; they belonged to Him. But a Dominant was human, and humanity was simply wrong - they could choose to disobey and disrespect. And so many of the Dominants stood on the wrong side.

And when that question was turned against him, he was reminded that he was also wrong. He was even closer to Ultima than a Dominant - he was a sliver of an Eikon itself and yet...

"...No." He had been asked to be truthful, and so he was, but he had to force the simple word out with no small amount of effort.

"Ultima is our God and He may be entirely correct, but you are my King and my creator and... Following Him for as long as you have has been destroying you. I do not wish to see that happen again, if this is a second chance. I would let all others suffer if it meant you didn't."

A biased answer, but deeply honest. He felt slightly sick to admit to the thoughts that had haunted him for decades, and he balled his hands into tight fists to keep himself grounded.

Awful, perhaps, but not because of the tragedy. Because it had just go against whatever had been planned. Because it was an obstacle to be dealt with now in order to accomplish whatever grand goal he felt was his... duty to handle.

It must have been nice to be so certain of one's own self important. To have no doubts regarding whether or not your actions even mattered.

"Have you forgotten that your Duchy stopped being yours ages ago?" Terence's eyes narrowed slightly as his upper lip pulled back into a sneer. "She was gutted and passed around the highborn of Sanbreque so that they could take whatever they wanted from her, and then her rotting corpse was tossed out for the wolves to feed on." A crude metaphor, bu an accurate one; there was barely anything left of Rosaria as a whole, let alone the Duchy. The Empress Anabella had made absolutely certain of that.

He needs to. Terence couldn't hide the hiss at those words. No, he didn't. Dion was better off without him.

Easier to focus on his rage and anger toward the red-haired man in front of him.

Joshua narrowed his eyes at the cruel description of his homeland; it was a sore spot indeed. He had let Rosaria suffer while he chased Ultima. The choice would haunt him, though he would make it again and again.

But he straightened himself and gave an empty, cold smile to the dragoon before he spoke. "Rosaria has suffered greatly, yes, but the Duchy has an heir who is both willing and capable of leading. What of Sanbreque? Every person here who knows that I am alive will swear themself to me, of that I can promise you. Those who do not have already sworn themselves to my brother, or uncle, because their loyalty to the Rosfield bloodline is stronger than my mother's cruelty. Eighteen years and still they will follow me -- and yet, I've heard what people are saying already of the Lesage lineage."

Joshua may like Dion but his hatred for the empire itself leaked out into his seething tone.

Lilac eyes studied the man who had never become king, quiet for a long moment. This was a person from his memories, a man from a lifetime ago.

"The way He speaks of Paradise is... Vague. I prefer to believe in it as a life after life for those who deserve it. But... I know you believed it to be death, yes." A difference of opinion - one that really shouldn't have existed. "You also believed it was the right path to follow."

"...There is a long time between you and now. Life is not simple or easy and it takes a toll. Death is the absence of suffering. It is quiet and calm. My King yearned for it, but he... You... Had duties to uphold."

Sleipnir was nearly incapable of feeling shame but there was something close in his tone, alongside regret. He had not been enough. He had failed to keep Barnabas happy and stable.

Even so, he could not imagine allowing his people to simply be marched to death like cattle, nor could he even begin to envision the mental state he would have needed to be in to feel that it was a kindness.

"My duties are to my people. Ultima had promised..." But it was obvious. Ultima had lied, and like a fool he had fallen for it. Perhaps at some point he had learned the truth, but by then he clearly had no longer cared.

The cold air in the bathroom helped; Barnabas found himself feeling mostly numb as he dried himself off slowly. His mind was racing though, filled with far too many thoughts about what he should do - what he even could do.

"This change that has occurred to me. Will this be permanent? Or should I be expecting to wake up as... myself if I allowed myself to slumber?" Barnabas let his gaze drift down to his arms as he spoke. His body was as he remembered, but he wasn't the person he was meant to be right now.

It was entirely unnerving to realise just how different Barnabas had been. Sleipnir had known he had changed - but he'd been by his side for all of it, he hadn't been able to compare it like this when it had happened across decades. He wondered if he had ever had a chance of stopping his King's degrading state... In the least he should have tried harder.

"This is... Unique. Whether you will return, I could not say. But the room I found you in was thick with Odin's Darkness - if this is Odin's magic then it has the potential to be permanent, as I am." Darkness was the natural state of everything - of course it held permanence. Everything was Darkness until it was interrupted by Light.

By the time they had completed their goal, something that took until several hours later, Terence's hands had already gone numb and the stiffness in his leg had grown worse. Flexing his fingers confirmed that there had been no spread of the curse, but that didn't mean that dallying in the aether had caused no harm to him. It was just a price that his body wasn't going to make him pay right away, and he couldn't bring himself to care about what he would have to suffer through later.

More than likely he would either deserve it, or he would be dead.

The Prince was still there once they were finished. It was a surprise that had him pausing, confused and angry. He had told him to leave, and most nobles didn't care to get their hands dirty. Clearly Joshua felt different -- which might have sparked something inside Terence if he didn't feel so hatefully resentful toward him for being another Dominant.

They weren't far from Martha's rest, were a portion of the Dragoons were staying temporarily; it wasn't ideal to have them recovering in Rosarian land, but most couldn't be moved in their condition. Not unless a bearer could heal them.

Or someone else.

Joshua was breathing heavily - blood smeared across him but with no injuries left upon his flesh. There was never any proof of pain remaining upon him besides the pulsing crystal that spread outward from his chest, but he kept that covered and private.

He had noticed a signal a while back; there were Undying watching him, so they would be able to find him if he collapsed after all of this. But for now they kept their distance and he focused on his task.

The ache in his limbs and the pain in his chest quickly eroded any patience he had for the Dragoon's attitude and when Terence demanded more of him, demanded his flames, Josuha's lips pulled into a sneer.

"I feel awful about what happened to Dion. Surely things would have been different if I'd done a better job explaining how severe of a threat Ultima was - but I am certainly less responsible than his right hand who encouraged him and fought alongside him in a coup when there is so much more at stake than a singular empire." He hissed, his words cold. "I have decided to protect you because he needs you, not because I think you deserve my protection. Now I will heal your men; because this is my Duchy. And as the Archduke and the Phoenix, I will do this kindness because I am a friend of your prince but you will learn manners in my presence. Especially in my land."

Joshua had not expected such resistance when he had decided to come to Terence's aid. It was a bitter reminder that he was still sheltered and would always struggle to connect to others.

When the dragoon shoved him, he stumbled back - only barely managing to catch himself before he fell. By the time he recovered his footing the beast had already been slain and... Terence's words hit harder than the shove. He was right - Joshua was unnecessary.

He opened his mouth to speak but no words came to his tongue. So he instead gave a stiff nod. He would conceed here but there were still beasts that lurked within a flood; they were threats to those beyond. He could fight, this effort would not be for nothing.

By the time they had completed their goal, something that took until several hours later, Terence's hands had already gone numb and the stiffness in his leg had grown worse. Flexing his fingers confirmed that there had been no spread of the curse, but that didn't mean that dallying in the aether had caused no harm to him. It was just a price that his body wasn't going to make him pay right away, and he couldn't bring himself to care about what he would have to suffer through later.

More than likely he would either deserve it, or he would be dead.

The Prince was still there once they were finished. It was a surprise that had him pausing, confused and angry. He had told him to leave, and most nobles didn't care to get their hands dirty. Clearly Joshua felt different -- which might have sparked something inside Terence if he didn't feel so hatefully resentful toward him for being another Dominant.

They weren't far from Martha's rest, were a portion of the Dragoons were staying temporarily; it wasn't ideal to have them recovering in Rosarian land, but most couldn't be moved in their condition. Not unless a bearer could heal them.

Or someone else.

Joshua was breathing heavily - blood smeared across him but with no injuries left upon his flesh. There was never any proof of pain remaining upon him besides the pulsing crystal that spread outward from his chest, but he kept that covered and private.

He had noticed a signal a while back; there were Undying watching him, so they would be able to find him if he collapsed after all of this. But for now they kept their distance and he focused on his task.

The ache in his limbs and the pain in his chest quickly eroded any patience he had for the Dragoon's attitude and when Terence demanded more of him, demanded his flames, Josuha's lips pulled into a sneer.

"I feel awful about what happened to Dion. Surely things would have been different if I'd done a better job explaining how severe of a threat Ultima was - but I am certainly less responsible than his right hand who encouraged him and fought alongside him in a coup when there is so much more at stake than a singular empire." He hissed, his words cold. "I have decided to protect you because he needs you, not because I think you deserve my protection. Now I will heal your men; because this is my Duchy. And as the Archduke and the Phoenix, I will do this kindness because I am a friend of your prince but you will learn manners in my presence. Especially in my land."