Late night musings on art, representation, performance, gender, and sexuality in the phanphic space
I knew when I started writing phanphic there was going to come a moment when someone would push back in the comments.
It's scary to suggest that these Personas we're so collectively invested in might hold multiplicity beyond "I'm Phil, he's Dan, we're gay." It's also fucking terrifying to watch the videos and sense that the way they're queer coded has nothing to do with "I'm Dan, he's Phil, we're gay." To recognize a code that wakes up a part of yourself you've been viciously ignoring for years. Is that coding intentionally put there by the artists or do we just see ourselves reflected in the work as we interpret it? Both? Neither? Unknowable. But it's obvious that it's impact on this community is significant.
This commenter doesn't necessarily see a distinction between artist/art/interpretation/representation (here: irl!Dan, videos, my decoding of the videos, my fiction). That's okay, they are in a different place in their journey, both in terms of understanding queer identity and understanding queer art practice/criticism. I don't need this person to get it.
But this idea matters so much to me. Reading "Dan" as written through other phanphic writers' eyes literally cracked me. That's not about irl!Dan, that's about this community.
My fiction and others' isn't about DNP. It's about us.
But it's also not not about DNP, and that is the part I struggle with, especially as I continue to use "Dan" to try to figure out things I can't otherwise access.
It's art, and it's fiction, and it's erotica so it's all fine and fake. But it's also very, very, real.
