lilacs in my mind

And for the first time, he wished he were far away. Lost in a deep, vast country where nobody knew him. Somewhere without language, or streets. And he dreamed about this place without knowing its name. And when he woke up, he was on fire.

book cover - The Damned Lovely - 1955

For the "hardcore droughtofapathy avis ficverse fans." - @trying-to-get-somewhere-real

I Will Try to Forgive Myself For Living in the Dark (Blanche Knopf/Judith Jones | 4,832 | M) Blanche Knopf had lost count of the number of times they'd met like this in a Plaza Hotel suite. As her world slowly vanished into darkness, Blanche slowly learned how to find the pleasure in blindness.

Substitution (Avis DeVoto/Blanche Knopf | 9,635 | E) Avis isn't stupid. She knows Blanche would rather have a different, small, slender, pale-skinned woman in her bed. But instead she's stuck with Avis, and that's something they're just going to have to live with.

Learn How to Settle for What You Get (Avis DeVoto/Judith Jones, Avis DeVoto/Blanche Knopf, Blanche Knopf/Judith Jones | 39,818 | M) Judith discovers what transpired in "Substitution" and it would just be rude to leave her out of the loop entirely, wouldn't it? That Blanche happens to be dead is another matter entirely.

Buried Sweetly in Her Yellow Hair (Blanche Knopf/Judith Jones | 9,459 | T) Avis, Blanche, and Judith find themselves with no other choice but to share a single hotel room for the night. A single hotel room with a single bed.

A Kind of Happiness that No One Really Knows (Avis DeVoto/OFC, Avis DeVoto & Julia Child | 7,755 | M) A romantic Sunday morning comes to a screeching halt when Julia lets herself into Avis's house to return a teapot and instead discovers Avis in a compromising position with another woman on her kitchen countertop. She reacts as tactfully as you would expect.

Alternative Ingredients (Avis DeVoto/Judith Jones | 12,178 | E) In the wake of Stanley's betrayal, Avis embarks on a frenzied fury-induced cleaning spree but is soon interrupted by Judith Jones with two bottles of wine in hand and a sympathetic ear. And Avis DeVoto has never turned her nose up at free liquor.

Secret Recipes (Avis DeVoto/Judith Jones, Avis DeVoto/OFC | 6,855 | M) Several weeks after their one-night-stand, Avis travels down to Manhattan to experience the wonders of an underground lesbian bar with Judith as her faithful wingwoman.

Tinsel Town (Avis DeVoto/Blanche Knopf/Judith Jones, Blanche Knopf/Judith Jones | 24,681 | M | Old Hollywood AU) In which Avis is a fading actress, Judith is a renown Hollywood starlet, and Blanche is a cutthroat Broadway producer. And it's a proper threesome.

Gerda Wegener (Danish, 1885-1940)

Film #188

JULIA 2.07 “Shrimp and Grits”