IN MEMORIAM!

SOOOOOOO microsoft laid me off LMAO (i'm all good! got a nice severance package, got hit with the layoffs with a bunch of upstanding people who make us think this was a Choice for Reasons but that's just My Opinion)

it's...week 2? i am juggling a shit ton of stuff, between updating my resume and dealing with life shit and all the changes that are going on. been on our usual ren fest tour and doing burlesque and stuff too, and it's been nice.

For the brittle sake of preserving this even more fragile imitation of composure,  unruly fingers pick at the thenar,  pinching and pulling as though to snap himself back into the moment he hesitates whether he is trying to avoid or not.  He should not want to,  that much he can be sure of.  Though as laid-back as he can be around Claire,  it always takes a couple of the clock’s steady clacks until he peeks from beneath the crevice running up his shell.  At long last,  he does.  The hefty weight slumping down his back leaves behind a tender smile etched across his lips.

“  You’ve got a point,  ”  the agent concedes and peers up at her,  now the tension dispersing to the last bits and withering in the air between them that has gotten much lighter altogether.

Had he had that kind of time to waste,  he would have started forecasting when the short-lived idyll would come to an end.  Yet hearing her say she’s happy to see him amidst the buzz hissing at the back of his skull,  Leon quickly forgets about the story he was to elaborate on.

It's hard not to smile, so she doesn't try and stop it. It's a big smile that reveals pearly whites and wrinkles the corners of her eyes a touch, the kind of smile Leon seems to earn effortlessly. Here it's like there's a place to rest, to feel happy and at ease with someone who understands her. The weight they lean on one another feels equitable, even if she worries that Leon might feel the need to hide it.

" Oh, you know, " Her eyes roll slightly as she shrugs in a mock display of humility, but her work is really nothing but humble. A less dangerous assignment behind the scenes compared to Leon's work, but Claire likes to think that maybe they aren't so dissimilar. " The same old stuff, only -- " Only that's not true. The way her voice trails off promises something, and when she speaks again, and she's excited to talk about it, excited to talk about the things that make a difference and keep the heavy shadows of Raccoon City at bay.

" Though recently I've been spending my time helping out with some adoption efforts, if you can believe it. After the last bio-terrorist attack, there were plenty of kids displaced. It's been nice, getting to hang out with them while TerraSave has been tracking down family, or safe places for them to go. " So maybe not the adoption efforts part, but it's close enough. " Though all the games of tag I've been playing kinda make me wish I was answering phones or tracking down documents. " Teasing, of course. Truth is, she likes being where the action is.

With the nature of his work what it is, more often than not it's a struggle to navigate talking about it. Claire worries he's working too hard, or that it's taking a toll on him. She worries Leon maybe thinks about it too much. Maybe that's why it's time to really try and leave it at the door for just a little while. It's all top secret, and she wants to respect that (sort of) even if she could just as well give him a listening ear, no questions asked.

Not the first and certainly not the last time that the scales wavered not in his favour thanks to downplaying his endurance frayed at the seams.  Just when the monster was right at his fingertips,  after days spent on observation near the lair,  the witcher got overpowered.  With another pair of eyes to catch a glimpse,  much to his chagrin.  But he should be grateful,  and he is,  that he was not wound up in complete solitude.  Leon has managed his previous bruises and cuts on his own well enough,  though sometimes gulping down the knot of pride turns out to be the lesser cost for making it to the next day.

“  Too bad,  I already had a story ready for you.  About how I won it gambling,  ”  accepting her hand in a firm grip,  he jests along as the silver emblem sways across his chest when he stands back to his feet.  The layered plates clatter on his taut shoulders when he shakes off the bits of grass and dirt.

His dogged nature almost prompts him to sharpen his blades and call for a rematch,  yet the other’s proposition waves away the mist of doubtful rationality from the crown of his head.

Her smirk is sincere, thankful for company that seems to have a good nature about them. Always cautious and wary of strangers, she can trust herself well enough to be a judge of character, and considering his school, she's doubly sure. Her curiosity knows no bounds, and now is no exception. Her wolves are only one pack; but the school of the wolf has had many pupils, and Ciri wants to know about this one.

" Perhaps you can tell it anyway. Stories around the campfire are never unwelcome. " And truthfully, the road can be lonely. There are parts of it that remind her of running. Sometimes it feels as if she still is. It's far easier to ignore the uncomfortable feeling when there are people around, even if they are blessed with the pleasure of a normal life. At least another witcher will understand better.

" Hardly, " she replies with a slight shake of her head and a shrug. Her expression remains level, but it's amiable, " The only inconvenience would be how to split the coin once the job is done, but there's plenty of time to figure it out. "

attitude and the booze won't save you .

you fuck my life up then you say "my bad" .

you don't seem to see what a cliche you are .

repeat after me , "i'm over it" .

you don't ever cross my mind , what's a sheep to a tiger ?

i'm no prey , but i am pursued .

my best friend thinks that i'm a dumbass .

the world is burning and i laugh at the blaze .

on your horse so high , i swear to god i'm higher .

heard a rumor that you said you made me who i am .

i'm too healthy , wealthy , well fed .

i don't have the time to pretend you're funny .

self - made , self - paid , how dare you speak my name ?

i hate you so much right now .

you're not special , it's not cute .

hi , it's me , back again . here to remind you he's not worth it .

i slip up , i text you , i forget that you were so disrespectful .

they told me to be nice and i told them to bite me .

you don't want to see me bratty .

i put that teddy bear you gave me in a blender .

whiskey in my hip flask , nothing fruity .

i can see the desperation , i've got you right where i want you .

you can't stand to see me shine .

so lame that i'm your only claim to fame .

i like how you look when you really beg .

i need a new toy just to cleanse my palate .

it's gonna hurt , it'll sting .

only one strike , then you get the boot .

the only thing you seem to give me is sex .

you think you're the man , bitch please .

we both know it wasn't love , it was a big bad habit .

i only trust a fella for some light amusement .

unfortunately , you made the mistake of underestimating me .

you wish you could sway my attention .

tell me what you need .

there was potential in you .

i wanna make a couple bad decisions .

i'm no cinderella , but i like the shoes .

i do well for myself , nothing you do is extraordinary .

my dumb ass should be a little more cautious .

fuck a princess , i'm a king .

i say i won't do it , then i do it and i make myself sick .

you think you're worth all the fuss ?

to tell the truth , role models weren't around me much .

why am i such a sucker for a fuckboy's freckles ?

i say it's a no - brainer , now .

i'm crazy , but you like that . i bite back .

you already know i'm not shy .

what we did was childish , can we put this behind us ?

nothing was nice , but i loved every minute .

i don't give a fuck , i have more fun on my ones .

i've been predisposed to trauma since i was eleven .

you can keep the image of my butt as a souvenir .

being a bitch is my kink .

you're still taught the same shit .

i think she really likes me .

hide your back , she likes to stab them .

i hate that i'm so self depricating , more comfortable in bad situations .

i'm a little faded , you look like a fuckin' painting .

when i'm with you i have amnesia , got me without a mind .

i don't let a fucker on the internet tell me nothing .

this is all because you want to say you've done it .

i'm fresh out of patience .

you wish i missed you . back the fuck up .

i'm a sucker for a little devastation .

coulda , shoulda , woulda , but you did it .

i swear i'm not crying , the sun's just bright .

tell me why i need you over the next .

i'm eager to hurt more .

i swear my blue vibrator brings me more joy .

i gave your girlfriend cunnilingus on my couch .

you better stock up on tissues , jacking off to all my pictures .

fake it to the top .

typical of me to go and ruin the party .

i'm having the best time of my life .

i'm having the worst time of my life .

you look dumb now that i've come to my senses .

what do you really mean when you're calling me nice ?

you wanna hold a gun but they made you a pinup .

i forget that you're still so disrespectful .

your love is not impressive .

tell it to my manager , he'll tell you "pay a fee" .

now that i can think rationally , i feel so stupid .

everybody says they love me but i'm still brokenhearted .

it's like i need a babysitter , someone to come get me .

god made me pretty , you made me mean .

say you want my body , let me give it to you .

i'm not in your circle , baby .

i just wanna push you to the edge now .

your sad life is never getting better .

what are you mad at me for , huh ?

i was living good until your locusts and your plague hit .

forgive me for the nasty things i say when i'm wounded .

so you're scared of me now , huh ?

women hold the weight of the world .

there's something to be said for a bitch who can top me .

if nothing matters , then i'll be fine .

you hate me cause you hate yourself .

dust yourself off , girl , keep your chin up .

he says i'm a lost cause and he might be right .

i'm that "fuck up your life" girl .

i would crawl through broken glass to get home .

i play my life like a video game .

i think you've gotta do way more if you wanna please me .

what's he doing ? i don't need a brave knight .

i deleted your number .

i'm not shy , i'll say it . i've been picturing you naked .

legs getting tired , can we switch positions ?

you put a knife in my back but you'll never be the death of me .

i could squash you like a little rotten fruit .

you could never , 'cause you're not clever enough .

we were good while it lasted .

my baby calls me bossy .

i don't really need a man , but sometimes i want one though .

i can't even wear my skin without them asking where i've been .

i can make you call remember me .

stupid boy thinks that i need him .

hate me 'cause i'm beautiful , bitch i don't like you either .

i think you know you can't replace me .

who do i have to kill to make everybody love me ?

i try to think , but it's no use .

maybe we can love until we're dead .

this is not an invitation .

how dare i have private desires ?

now you're crying and you're shaking ?

nothing about you is attractive to me , now .

am i fuckable enough for you ?

i don't want you and i don't want your homie .

please don't think that the sex is gonna cloud my view .

can't believe i let your hand inside my bloomers .

tell me how my ass tastes , little bottom feeder .

you don't know your way around a pussy .

i want it , i win it . call it ambition .

i don't need the dick - i need magic , i need money .

i know you think about me in the shower .

i've got several dummies that wanna get on me .

this is so small in the big simulation .

go find another bitch to hoover , count the days until you lose her .

i know you think about me with your hand down your trousers .

you don't know anyone else like me .

          𝙍𝙃𝙀𝙏𝙊𝙍𝙄𝘾𝘼𝙇 𝙌𝙐𝙀𝙎𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗪𝗔𝗬 𝗛𝗘 𝗟𝗢𝗢𝗞𝗦 𝗔𝗧 𝗞𝗔𝗟𝗗𝗔𝗥 𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗜𝗞𝗘𝗦 bewilderment, when he had finished stumbling past the threshold of the door ▬ recently bloodied, clearly delusional, and housing a whole new rainbow of bruises. before raiden said as much he must have visually given way to his internalized thoughts, and when kaldar speaks up on the defensive his mood sours. “ don't ask me, ask the mirror. ” he shoulders past him bluntly, just before turning to glimpse back over with a more heated conviction. “ but if you really wanna know, yeah. sometimes you are a fuckin’ gonk. ” yet there remains something else buried behind his expression ▬ another kind of development, when the tightness of his jaw loosens and the frustration lines embedded into his brow recede ▬▬ that is not where the sentence ends ( he'd give kaldar an earful, if only it didn't go one ear and out the other half the time ). “ but you're also one of the most loyal idiots i know- take that how you will. ”

     he knows what he's been doing out there. ever since he rescued him from the slaughterhouse that one time, it feels like it's been a consistent scale of ups and downs. days where kaldar gets himself into fights and runs around like a wounded animal in the aftermath, refusing to let himself fully recover because he'd get into another incident shortly after. raiden knows he's not much different, and so he keeps his mouth sewed shut the better half of the time ▬ too many instances where he sees too much of himself in a familiar face ( or, is it the other way around? maybe his habits are starting to rub off too ). when it's not for fast cash, it's usually for someone worth protecting. a noble duty, and an entirely reckless one. same bullshit, different story.

If he were childish, he might've repeated Raiden's words with mocking disdain. Don't ask me, ask the mirror. Instead his nose wrinkles and he sneers, "Too fucking stupid to think on your own? Can't just answer for yourself?"

He's stupid, but he stands on principle. As Raiden actually answers, Kaldar's glare doesn't seem to soften. His guard is up mentally from how much he's had to do it physically tonight. It's not stupid to protect people, to make sure they're okay. It would be stupider to think his life mattered in any way, shape, or form.

Not that Raiden would understand that; though he isn't wrong about loyalty. For better or for worse, he'll live and die by his ideals. This time Kaldar skulks by, passed the other man to reach the fridge for an ice pack. He shrugs like he doesn't know who it is, but answers with certainty. "Tyger Claws. Were following a girl who was passing by Jig Jig Street. Bought her some time to get away. Whatever they were planning wasn't bound to be good."

          𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗟𝗗 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗦𝗛𝗘 𝗪𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗛𝗜𝗠 𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗘 to join in her little scandal. even so, raiden gets the nagging feeling she hasn't played her entire hand yet ▬ whatever that means. “ wait. ” raiden reaches out and catches songbird's wrist, though it's with a conscious care that he needs to be extra gentle. it's not that she's too delicate ▬ they both know better than that ▬ rather, he's got the destructive force of a juggernaut wrapped up in a carbon plated grip. “ i know i can't stop you. ” with or without his help, she would find a way. she's calculative and he's slow to catch on, being lured right back in with the same promise he told myers to fuck right off with. or maybe it's just the defensible excuse they share too much history to ignore, all wrapped up in a neat bow for her to play into the conniving script. so mi knows where his solution is, and the information lies at her fingertips on how and where.

     he won't get it unless he helps her with the matrix first.

She can't feel his touch.

She only knows he pulls on her arm to keep her in place simply because of the way she cannot step ahead. She's drowning, sinking deeper into the cold blackness of the Blackwall. Raiden does not stop her from submerging any deeper, but for a moment she feels the tether that ties her to the side of the living. It makes her stop, turn back to look at him and face him with the only parts of her that are still organic.

The wires and metal that run along her exposed back feel nothing of the night air. So Mi doesn't respond, only stands there. Hansen has eyes everywhere. Ears even more so. On this balcony, they have a bit more privacy, but it comes at the cost of Hansen below, a perfect view of her sipping champagne and chatting with guests. She has to weigh her options. Multiple irons in the fire, back up plans in case things go awry. Nobody here is trustworthy. Not Hansen, not Reed, not Raiden.

It's not his fault he's been gone, but she blames him for part of it, anyway. He'd gotten his out already. She only has one shot for hers.

"It's a lot of ground to cover." It has been years, after all. Years obscured by classified labels or the sweep of AI fragmenting her memory. "I hope we'll have time once we're out of here with what we need. But you're right. I need that answer, first."

when garrus said to commander shepard: "may you be in heaven half an hour before 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝘿𝙀𝙑𝙄𝙇 𝙆𝙉𝙊𝙒𝙎 𝙔𝙊𝙐'𝙍𝙀 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝘿." and eredin said of cirilla of cintra, "yes, we're corpses, 𝘽𝙐𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘼𝙍𝙀 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝙏𝙃!" and myrkul says to the heroes of baldur's gate, "𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙄 𝘼𝙈 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝙏𝙃. and i am not the end - i am a beginning." and johnny silverhand says to v, "test of a person's true value? 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝙏𝙃. facing it, staring it down. you still got a chance to be somebody." and when evelyn kim said to kellogg, "in a hundred years, when 𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙄 𝙁𝙄𝙉𝘼𝙇𝙇𝙔 𝘿𝙄𝙀, i hope to go to hell. just so i can kill you all over again." anyway, where was i?