all my life i've wanted others to care about me me the same way they i care about them. all my life i've wanted someone to save me. from the world, from my solitude, from myself. so at one point i started saving others. but it never ended well. maybe i'm just ungrateful. maybe they are.

no matter how much i try to change myself, i still have no friends. people i consider to be close with hang out together regularly and don't even text me asking if i want to join them. it's because everyone tolerates me instead of liking me. i love people. i can be so devoted it hurts. i'm such a loyal and sociable person but no one wants to see my efforts. not to mention recently i got ghosted by my multiple internet friends over a dumb misunderstanding and now i feel like they have always been my enemies. i'm so fucking lonely.