look at the size of that thing

it's just really apparent that people think it's okay to want pain but morally abhorrent to want to give it. sorry but the sadist gets to have fun too. it's actually pretty crucial to the process.

you put a dog on a diet and he'll start begging for plain ass vinegar like he's christ on the cross

do you ever think of the fresno nightcrawler

water sports should be for adults too.me and the blokes at university should be allowed to shoot eachother with water guns

Obi-Wan wears like 53 layer of robes so everyone assumes he’s kinda soft especially compared to his ‘in the prime of his youth’ former Padawan but then one day he goes shirtless to spar and he’s shredded, he has an 8 pack. Clones and Jedi alike are choking on drinks and tripping into walls. Ahsoka is covering her eyes and screaming because that’s basically her grandpa. Anakin has to throw a robe over Obi-Wan like The Birth of Venus. 

every time i sit down 2 watch a horror movie i think of that one tweet :/

at the grocery store i bought 2 limes and a lemon and the checker said to me "two limes and a lemon... Anything could happen"

One time I saw this New Yorker cartoon with a piece of penne pasta answering the phone and saying, “Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?” and now I cannot cook fusilli without thinking you crazy bastard

the other day all my coworkers were talking about the various wack diets they're on and I went "nahhhh I'm on the Seafood Diet" and the lady next to me goes "oh, what's that?" and i was so shocked by actually getting a chance to deliver the punchline on that ancient gag that i barely even remembered to say it

THAR SHE BLOWS!! A LIFTED BLACK FORD F150 WITH TINTED WINDOWS. PASSENGER PRINCESS, GET THE HARPOONS!!!!!