cosmic ☾ child

❛   unh ━━  ?   chanel   boots  ?      the   hell   you   talkin’   about   now  ??   only   thing   i’ve    been   destroying   lately   are     ugly   ass   monsters     &     you   should   already   know   that  ,   teach’  .  ❜

☾     “ really? interesting because there’s this pretty blonde thing that i overheard ranting about some— & i’m just paraphrasing here— ‘ asshole in a too tight red turtle neck that got blood on her boots ’. you know we can add girl talk 101 to your curriculum if you want. maybe add breaking hearts to your resume. ”

random ☾ @atosui​

eyes   widen   in   a   surreal   expression   of   dismay  ,   brows   following   suit   as   they   furrowed   in  .   his   worries   of   the   possibility   he   had   done   something   to   her   was   long   gone  ,   only   to   be   consumed   by   a   sudden   anger   that   coursed   through   him  .   any   concerns   of   his   blood - lust   coming   to   light   was   thrown   away  ,   frustrated   with   himself   at   the   lack   of   help   he   felt   upon   her   response  .   there   was   a   strong   sense   of   inability   as   he   truly   felt    that    he   has   failed   her  .  

someone   so   important  ,   someone   so   close   (   yet   she   felt   so   far   from   his   grasp   )   feeling   this   way   while   he   stood   aside   &   let   it   all   unfold   before   him  .   she   was   dying  ,   what   could   he   do  ?   in   what   way   was   he   suppose   to   take   in   this   kind   of   information  ?   was   she   sick  ?   it  was   all   becoming   too   much   for   him   to   ponder   on   without   a   clearer   answer  .   he   needed   to   ask   once   more  .

  ❝   what   are   you   talking   about  ?   dying  ,   how  ??   did   you   catch   something    on   our   way   into   this   town  ?   tell   me   how   can   i   help   &    i’ll   do   it  .   ❞ 

☾     the way in which she had brought of the matter could be described as nonchalance. there was an air that seemed to suggest that she lacked care of full understanding of the situation, though it was far from that. as her hands went back to their practiced strokes against the blade of her fan, michae wasn’t the least bit surprised by his response. an outburst of this nature was to be expected from him; after all, it was the same response she would have given had he uttered those words. he was so determined & so convinced that it was something he could fight off, much like it had always been in their youth; much like he still was now. it was enough to cause her lips to tug up into a soft smile, a gesture that contrasted with the topic of conversation at hand.

“ as if something like a mere illness would be enough to take me from this world. though, it seems like the more peaceful way to go. ” for years now, michae had felt unlike herself physically, though the effects didn’t start to show themselves until recently. “ we’re all dying aren’t we? slowly, surely, definitely. i’m merely coming to terms with this path of life. ” a half truth of sorts. as she folded the large fan close, gaze shifted to her friend.

       enough   with   all   this   toying   around  ,   mimi  .   wouldn’t   you   agree   it’s   about   time   we   talk   about   what   we   both   want  ?

@spacedbreath·· ━  random  starter  xoxo

        He  wasn’t  the  warmest  of  the  pillars,  but,  as  someone  who  was  so  criticizing  of  Giyuu’s  posture  as  lone  rider,  Iguro  felt  the  obligation  to  be  friendly  from  time  to  time.  ❝  Moon,  thank  you  for  accepting  my  invitation.  The place  wasn’t  a  problem,  was  it?  ❞  His  voice  was  calm  as  usual,  yet  held  a  tone  of  interest  that  only  made  itself  present  once  in  a  while.

@spacedbreath​ || STARTER.

☾     honestly, the moment she received the invitation, michae was unsure of whether or not it was his way of making fun of her. nonetheless, she accepted the offer & it found the two pillars here seated across from each other. he had to have some kind of reason for this, so she would let him get to that at his own pace. though for now, she would simply entertain his small talk & chit-chat. offering one of her signature small smiles, she nodded. “ no, it was rather easy to find. ” as she spoke, hands reached out to begin pouring them both a cup of tea, not bothering to wait to see if there was a patron coming to do it for them. “ is this where you often spend your free hours? ”

she   was   hesitant   around  him  ,   it’s   been   going   on   since   this   morning  .   he   normally   wasn’t   one   to   worry   when   it   came   to   others   but   she   wasn’t   like   the   others  .   mimi   genuinely   cared   for   him  .   ever   since   they   were   young  ,   ever   since   he   could   remember  ,   she   was   there   beside   him   when   the   rest   of   their   village   outcasted   him  ,   spoke   of   him   as   if   he   was   nothing   more   than   a   demon   child  ,   deemed   too   dangerous   to   live   among   them  .   it   was   solely   because   of   them   that   he   sought   refuge   in   the   forest  ,   only   descending   back   into   town   to   have   casual   hangouts   with   mimi  .   he   felt   she   will   always   be   there   when   no   one   else   will  ,   &   it’s   why   he   felt   a   strong   sense   of   worry   overcome   him  .   he   couldn’t   take   it   anymore  ,   he   needed   answers  .    ❝   what’s   wrong  ,  mimi  ?  you’ve   been   brushing   me   off   all   day  .   did   i   do   something  ?   ❞

heartfelt starter for my bestfriend / @spacedbreath  xoxo

☾     michae was someone that held the lives of others, especially children, in much higher regard than her own. ever since she had joined the demon corps & even before taking her rank as pillar, she had found herself putting the wellbeing of almost anyone above her own. a trait she had possessed since her youth. her previous mission had only just ended & even still she felt haunted by the fact that she hadn’t gotten there in time to save enough. so many more lives would have been spared had she just gotten there sooner. which was usually never an issue for her — at least it never had been, but there were certain complications that came with her slowly changing physiology. things that even she had yet to acknowledge, let alone even speak about. a great that heavy weighing on her shoulders caused the pillar to not even realize the manner of which she was treating musahi. one of the people most dear to her heart.

  her words did little to reassure him, thinking that she may just be saying that to get him to stop questioning her choices.however, it’s ultimately her actions that keep him mind from racing. the hand running through his hair to push it back had him closing his eyes to focus on how gentle her touch was, not realizing before just how much it was needed after his mind tried to play tricks on him. the suffocating presence that lingered there after seeing his mother was now gone, and he found reassurance in that kiss she had given him. no matter how many other memories it brought back.

   the placement of her hand on top of his helps him relax; fingers no longer holding too tightly on his clothes and his shoulders slumping down with a long sigh that escapes from his lips. he wasn’t sure whether it was one of relief or exhaustion—a combination of both, probably.

   sangwoo tries to offer her a small smile, but it fails to meet his standards. his expression coming off as a wince instead before he reached for her wrist again—less hostile this time—and brought it closer to him, frowning at the already bruised skin.

   “—i’m sorry i hurt you. i didn’t want to… i didn’t want you to leave either.”

☾     she could tell that he was having some form of an internal war & rather than try to pry or understand it, she silently allowed it to happen. his expressions were more than enough to give him away in terms of whether something was on his mind or not. & right now was no different. her initial reaction & desire was to reach out & hold him, but he beat her to that punch. his grasp on her wrist being something more gentle. a fond hold that made her want to forget everything that had happened. even if his wording should have been enough to raise a red flag, she ignored the very distinct “ i didn’t want to ” as if the blame was still solely on her. but that could be something considered at a later date, if at all. but for now she was going to focus on what was at hand. it was an admission of guilt accompanied by his touch.

there was nothing to really say, it wasn’t that she was going to leave him; if anything that fear was something new & one she didn’t expect from him at all. it showed a sense of vulnerability that even she found shocking from him. though, more so considering the fact that she was never sure if he was really all in to this. there were some days where he seemed more burdened by the titles that they had for each other more than anything. but those moments & days weren’t the concern as of right now, not as her free arm slipped around his shoulder, holding him close to her as she rested her head against his shoulder. as if adding a final reassurance that he didn’t need to be concerned with losing her.

“ we both let our anger & fears get the best of us. i’m sorry as well. ” the woman was as stubborn as she was soft spoken, but even she could tell when it was time to admit your remorse verbally. there was a soft sigh as her fingers curled slowly around the hair at the nape of his neck. “ you don’t need to worry about me leaving. i’m going to be here for you, sangwoo. ” lifting her head only to look at him more closely, mimi still kept him close.

   though there appeared to be no problem when the towel was offered, the response that she gave him wasn’t the one he was hoping to hear. his mind was already coming up with excuses to become agitated once again—thinking that she might just be saying that to get him off her back. when he had made the offer, it was with him included. was she rejecting him again…? no… maybe. not right now.

   he opened his mouth to speak but the words didn’t roll off his tongue the way he’d have wished. still holding onto the dry clothes she had given him, he stares at her with a light frown forming, one that expressed confusion rather than anger. if she was willing to stay in order to take care of him, why didn’t she join him as well?

   “—i meant…you and me.” sangwoo didn’t recognize his own voice when the words finally slipped past his lips, adding to his frustration. he could almost envision the way his mother would come up with excuses to avoid his father, and he wondered if that was the case. as the realization hit him, he grimaces. distress becoming obvious in his expression as fingers clutch tightly of his clothes. “—do you not want me any more?”

☾     having not realized the terms of the offer, mimi immediately felt bad for thinking he was making the offer of a bath out of reluctance. it wouldn’t have been the first time they had both said or offered things they didn’t really want to be doing. but this moment was different. his clarification was enough to make her wince, wanting to immediately apologize. but, his question halted that. to say she was caught off guard would be an understatement. what a series of words to hear roll off his tongue. the sangwoo that seemed to not care whether they stayed together or parted ways was asking this. it wasn’t that she thought he was asking out of insecurity, but something else. did he really care to have her reassurance? his expressions spoke towards that & she sighed, remorseful that her lack of understanding his offer had opened that can of worms. something that would never be her intention.

“ i do want you. even when we’re fighting & i feel like i’m going to vomit from frustration. i didn’t realize you meant together, that’s my fault. but yes, i would like to. ” mimi’s eyes fixed him with a gentle, but firm stare, hoping that her words would be enough to reassure him. though, hopefully not too much, knowing how much he had a distaste for extreme confessions or show of affection.

   upon stepping into the kitchen, it felt as if he was transported back to his past—the sight of his mother washing the dishes while humming to the same song over and over, left him paralysed right where he was. his stare followed her image as she walked out of the kitchen, just in time for mimi to take a hold of his hand. her presence wasn’t registered quite yet, at least, not until she spoke and drew his attention.

   “—right… right.” it felt as if all of a sudden there was a knot in his throat, making it difficult for him to speak, but it was not as if he had much to say. his mind wasn’t quite there yet; unsure of what was real and what was just an illusion, sangwoo kept his eyes on the hallway for a couple of seconds just in case she reappeared. when she didn’t, his gaze fell on the clothes and towel held for him and he takes them, knitting his brows together as if realizing there was something not quite right with all this. he no longer appeared tense, but more so concerned.

   “—you should change too. i can lend you one of my shirts…” ah, right. they were fighting, weren’t they? which would mean there was a chance that she wouldn’t take his offer, but then she mentioned something about preparing something…? was she planning to stay, after all? instead of using the towel for himself, he places it over her shoulders for now to keep her hair from dripping as if it would make a difference when her blouse was already damp. he hadn’t even registered he was supposed to change into the clothes she had given him, too preoccupied with her. “—do you… want a bath?”

☾     the placement of the towel on her shoulders led mimi to look up at him, studying his expression closely. though his eyes usually held a cold & distant look, right now it was something else. something very un-sangwoo like. if only she could place her finger on it. the gesture was welcomed though & cold hands moved to hold the fabric over her shoulder more closely, hoping that the shivering of her hands wouldn’t be noticeable. in all honesty, she hadn’t expected him to take time like this. if anything, she expected him to just take his clothes & worry about himself. though, she had to mentally chide herself for that one. he wasn’t a monster after all.

it was such a sudden yet subtle change in his demeanor that mimi wanted to ask him what was wrong. dazed looks & hushed tones weren’t usually part of the sangwoo agenda & for someone who could usually hold onto his anger, he had seemed to lose it. not that she was upset, just confused. she couldn’t help but wonder if even he was aware of it. nonetheless, her thoughts were interrupted by his second question & she blinked in confusion. would it be so wrong to accept the offer of a bath? especially when it was something she couldn’t help but be craving right now. if she was to deny the offer it would also seem as though she was trying to avoid him, which wasn’t the case. as of right now at least.

   he allowed himself to be led back into the house; feeling like a child with her hand wrapped around his wrist to guide him inside. her words were lost on him. nothing she said from that point onward was registered in his mind. by the time they had crossed the door and closed it behind them, all he could do was stand there with his clothes soaked wet from the heavy rain outside. he hadn’t even realized that his body was shivering, staring into the ground as he tried to process what happened.

   it was almost as if he could see the trail of water left behind from the hall to the kitchen, and the image of his younger self standing next to his mother flashed before his eyes. it was raining that day. he could still remember how cold he felt, but when she hugged him he felt as if he was freezing. as if death itself had its arms wrapped around him. a shiver ran down his spine.

    he snaps out of that memory with a sharp inhale, blinking a couple of times before turning his head to look around. what did she say…? he hadn’t even notice where mimi went which only added to the distress that he was experiencing from relieving those painful memories.

  fingers curled and uncurled, unsure on what to do now that they were back here; her voice taunting him, asking ‘who’s that girl?’ just like she had done when he was still a kid, as if it was something he should be ashamed of—a command to experience guilt.

  “—mimi…?” he called out for her, sounding unsure as if she was really there or he had imagined it all. silent steps leading him to the kitchen to have a glimpse of the laundry room, feeling a sense of dread over what was there.

☾     mimi’s thoughts were cluttered as she focused on finding sangwoo something new to wear. as much as she should have been focusing on herself for that exact same reason, he came first right now. it was almost like he needed to. she had witnessed so many sides of him before, so many different faces that he wore, but this one in particular was different. as if he was transported away from her & to some distant memory. one she couldn’t believe was all too fond from the way he was reacting. almost like a scorned child. which, she also couldn’t blame him; after all, her slap probably hadn’t helped the situation. & there she was cursing herself again for the action. despite how deserving he had seemed at the time. 

the search through his drawers ended just as she heard him call out her name. not in a barking or demanding manner, but something that resembled something lost trying to be found. gathering his clothes and a towel in her hands, she stood to rush out of the room. her own thoughts once again halted to focus solely on him. for now.

“ i’m here. ” the words were stated as she appeared in the hallway once more, eyebrows furrowing in confusion at the lack of sangwoo standing there. it was obvious that he didn’t go far, with the front door still closed & a small trail of water leading into the kitchen. “ hey... ” she reached out with her free hand to enclose hers around his, hoping to draw his attention towards her. “ i’m right here. ” words that were minuscule but held weight nonetheless; mimi allowed for there to be silence between them & that moment for just long enough for the point of her words to get across. despite their mutual anger or hard to digest moments, she was still going to be right there for him.

          ❛   did   you   just   wake   up   from   a   nightmare?   that’s   a  lot   of   sweat   you   have   on   your   face.   ❜

OPEN STARTER FOR MUTUALS ONLY!!  

☾     it wasn’t often that michae had night terrors. rather, correction. it wasn’t often that she had them & had to acknowledge them. there was a strict system that she had with her subconscious. if she ignored it, she wouldn’t have to deal with it. but, that was hard to do lying next to someone else. especially when that someone was as keen & attentive as rengoku was.

continued from here ☾ @scrinja​

☾     that dismissive & all knowing tone. even if not intentional was enough to add a tiny scrape to her nerves. if he had been listening, truly listening & paying attention to her, he would have noticed something. even if the premise of the topic was one that had been discussed before, her mentioning the manner of which her cousin had died was never something spoken between the two. a thought that was triggered by the news update on the television, the people were already beginning to speculate the poor girl’s demise. would it be more trouble than it was worth to call him out on that? probably. 

paranoid. what a disgusting word to use for a topic such as this one. & yet again, what a dismissive way to smile & tack a title on what she was feeling. almost as if seemingly to get her to shut up about it & focus on something else. probably him? oh, definitely him. or whatever topic was to his choosing. 

her neck rolled to the side, sharp yet tired eyes looking at him. “ i think the exact opposite. i would call it merely caution. but alas, maybe you have a point with turning off the volume. ”

   it was unlike him to recoil, to show this much vulnerability in front of someone, but the impact of her hand striking his face brought back memories—memories so unpleasant, that he thought he had buried in the back of his head. he remembered his mother doing just that after his father’s death, and how those words of reassurance felt more like a command to feel guilt. he felt like a child all over again, being scolded over leaving a mess or not wanting to eat. the sound of the pouring rain became nothing bu background noise, and for a split-second, sangwoo could’ve sworn he could still hear her voice.

   what mimi said wasn’t the response he was hoping to hear, and when she cupped his cheek, he was drawn back later that same night when he was forced to dispose of his own father. she had touched his cheek tenderly, and just like before, he leaned against it as if that would make everything okay. any trace of annoyance or frustration was gone as he regressed to this child-like state, not entirely processing what she meant. it’s not like he could move, anyway.

   “—i didn’t do it.” his words were drowned by the sound of the rain, but he insisted on remaining close to her so that she would listen to him. he wasn’t making any damn sense; shaking his head from side to the other.  she could take it as a delayed response to her accusation, but to him, it was a confession. “—i don’t want her, but she won’t leave me alone.”

☾     there was a moment of confusion at his choice of words. even if the catalyst in their conversation had been about another woman, it didn’t seem like he was addressing that matter. honestly, it didn’t seem like he was speaking to her at all. was this reaction her fault? even if the action of hitting him was in retaliation to his own actions, there was something akin to remorse that she was feeling. sangwoo was someone that if asked before this moment, she would have sworn he wasn’t capable of showing vulnerability of this extreme. someone that was always able to hide who he truly was & what he was truly feeling. not always a negative, more often than not it just proved to be exhausting for her who wanted him to be honest. but right here & now, she felt as though whatever had triggered something in him was due to her reaction. 

& though the thought of whether this was genuine or manipulation crossed her mind, because she wouldn’t put it past him, mimi couldn’t help but let out a soft sigh. they both had their things, some of which were still unspoken between the two of them. while that didn’t excuse the grip he’d had on her wrist or the fact that they were having their own problems, she could sympathize with him. of which, that sympathy turned into an silent guilt. though, she’d never let on to him.