meme me up scotty

[Imitates Archivist voice] « Statement of Joe Spooky, regarding sinister happenings in the downtown old – »

“Bum.” “You’ve become worse and worse and I’ve had enough to be actually honest.” “This isn’t the army. Sir.” “It's perfectly absurd to dip individual pieces of bread when one can hold a full slice in one's hand!” “It's not about the cheese! It's about the fun!” “I don't suppose you could move me away from this large hole?” “We are having a little break from each other, actually.” “You're not there any more, are you?” “She’s a witch, and I should know.” “Why are you here?” “It might be a plague pit but it’s our plague pit.” “When you first came here, I thought you were a prostitute.” “This isn’t how normal people live.” “Actually, I don’t do anything wrong, do I?” “Come to gloat, have you?” “The question is, what do you care about more? Keeping ______ here, or letting [pronoun] be happy?” “I’d hug you if I could.” “I need to get out of here immediately.” “Hang on, you made me do something horrible.” “You are beautiful when you’re sad.”

“Do you really want to know, or would you prefer to just-- shoot us?” “Ok look, you can either tag along with me or stay here -- and try to save the world. What's it gonna be?” “I thought you said you didn't believe in all this fairy tales and hokum stuff.” “Just a minute, you can't just leave me behind here like some old kind of carpetbag, I mean, who put you in charge--” “Is he supposed to look like that?” “You're wondering what is a place like me doing in a girl like this?” “By the way, why did you kiss me?” “I dunno. I was about to be hanged; it seemed like a good idea at the time.” “Ahh, still angry about that kiss?” “Of course I can swim if the occasion calls for it!” “You always did have more balls than brains.” “You know, nasty little fellows such as yourself always get their comeuppance.” “Yes, you're right. Filthy, rude, complete scoundrel, nothing to like there at all.” “I lie to everybody. What makes you so special?” “For the record, if I don't make it out of here, don't put me down for mummification.” “Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.” “The only thing that scares me, ______, are your manners.” “______, can you look me in the eye, and guarantee me that this isn't all some kind of a flimflam?” “That's called stealing, you know.” “Have you no respect for the dead?” “Do they know something we don't?” “Give me frogs! Flies! Locusts! Anything but you! Compared to you, the other plagues were a joy!” “When Rameses destroyed Syria, that was an accident. You are a catastrophe!” “I only gamble with my life, never my money.” “I wouldn’t say that.”

“Don’t wipe my tears away. I want to feel them on my face.” “Sometimes when my feelings are big I like to sing them.” “I’ll just take a nap, that’s how you solve that.” “I’m too sad for pants.” “Sometimes I fall down on purpose so that I can take a break.” “This is an F word day.” “I’m hugging you with my mind.” “I made a card for myself because I’m the best.” “I have a lot to say, maybe you should get some popcorn.” “But how am I supposed to know if I’m bored or hungry? They feel the same!” “My brain doesn’t feel like thinking today.” “I did not mean to do that face out loud.” “I don’t care and I’m not getting any more cares today.” “I don’t want to do yoga! I just want to eat my pizza in my room and cry!”

“It hurts. Just let me die.” “Now now now, sounds like someone's got a case of the ‘poor me’s.” “If you were gonna die, you would have done it by now!” “My toes are getting pruny.” “Sweet jibbly jiblets!” “You are a good person, and people say nice things about you.” “I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed ______, but here it is.” “Oh, kiss my ass some other time.” “Your toast has been burned, and no amount of scraping will remove the black parts.” “The universe will be mine and I'll crush every living soul in to dust! Except for you, of course. I'll make you Assistant Crusher.” “You realize that you wanna protect me from a guy who's trying to kill me. What am I gonna say, no?” “I never knew a Phillips screwdriver was the X one. Do you think it's named after a guy named Phillip? That guy Phillip must have a fucked-up-shaped head!” “I wanna take a nap. If I have to die of hunger, I wanna do it in my sleep.” “Prepare for an oblivion, for which there is no preparation!” “Of course he was facing forward. What other way can people face?” “I think you just quoted every crappy Hollywood apocalypse movie ever.” “Hollywood doesn't understand apocalypse.” “[We/I] don't get paid enough to do stuff.” “Bunny and hand soup, just like Mom used to make.” “Oh, that's just blood loss. You'll make new blood, you just need some orange juice.” “What were you doing parked in the shade for two hours?” “[name] and I think it's God's way of compensating.” “Man, that does look heavy. You really should consider wearing some kind of supportive undergarment.” “I'm thinking something with lace. Lace is totally in right now.” “[He's/She’s/They’re/etc] very determined.” “I've never found something that cool in a hole, and I've explored just about every hole you can think of!” “I think we might be in trouble. Ah fudgepumps.” “Your delightful tomfoolery puts a spring in my step, and a bounce in my britches.” “If you need me I'll be over by my rock.” “Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?” “Man I totally screwed everything up!” “I think I went a little nuts there for a while.” “No matter how bad they seem, they can't be any better, and they can't be any worse, because that's the way things fucking are, and you better get used to it.” “You're just pissed because you don't have one.” “I've already seen you. Not too impressed.” “Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round.” “I had to move my lunch with the Pope, but uh, he was cool with it. He owes me. I helped him pick the hat.” “I know plotting when I see it. That's plotting.” “I wouldn't really call us 'friends,' we're more like acquaintances or, people who work with other people they hate.” “If there's one thing that I've learned in working with you, it's that there's always margin for error.” “You know? I can honestly say I have no idea what I just saw.” “Do we really have to seize destiny? Can't we just invite it to join our online circle of friends?” “I could almost feel that coming, right as I finished the sentence.” “Dear God, you don't know what jogging means?” “So you have no good news for me today.”

“Hey, dude. Take it easy. You called me, I didn't call you.” “I am not your mother, so don't come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn't like.” “You know, I think you're taking my words a little out of context.” “I don't like either of you, okay? So competing for my attention is not gonna do you any good.” “He's doing that thing again.” “Sometimes when I fall asleep at night I think about my parents having sex, and I get really really mad for some reason.” “I would just like to let everyone know that I suck!” “Do they put something in the water here?” “I'm just glad that ______ is wrong.” “Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned. Burned, dude, burned.” “Now he's taunting us. This is just embarrassing.” “I'm sure there's a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this.” “I know you're tough and all, but it is kinda hard to beat up hundreds of armor piercing bullets using only your face.” “Is it ridiculous? Or is it so ridiculous, it's the most ridiculously perfect idea that you never thought of?” “Dude, it doesn't matter what kind of dream I'm having, I am not going to ask you to pinch me.” “Your soul is a cavern of lies!” “Robot people always like me. It's because of my awesome dancing.” “I think I like the ray beam idea better.” “There's a very fine line between not listening and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life.” “Wouldn't it be better if we didn't do that, instead of doing it?” “I don't have all day! I gotta gut this fish!” “Come on, you know how I feel about plans.” “Oh, I see. You have no idea what I should do or how I should do it, but whatever I do I should do it fast?” “Hey, the box is there for a reason. I like thinking inside of it. I feel safe in there.” “Okay, there was a lot of stuff in that sentence that I didn't like.” “From now on, if anyone makes my [girlfriend/boyfriend/partner/etc.] cranky and psychotic, it's gonna be me.” “You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, do you?” “I try not to think while I'm sleeping.” “I'm not moist in any of the usual places.” “She is a precious flower.” “Good Bhudda's noodle, how could this have happened?” “The plan does not involve mayonnaise.” “You wanna braid each other's hair?” “Legs are optional.” “I think this is what they call the calm before the storm.” “Can't we push dying to a week from Friday?” “I think it would be ironic, if everyone was made of iron.”

“Hey, you ever wonder why we’re here?” “Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a God watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know, man, but it keeps me up at night.“ “What was all that stuff about God?” “Talk about a waste of resources. I mean, we should be out there finding new and intelligent forms of life... you know, and fight them.” “This ain't no ice cream social.” “I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir.” “What in Sam Hell is a puma?” “You can't pick up chicks in a tank.” “Hey, what's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.” “That's the worst impression I've ever heard.” “You're ruining the moment. Shut up.” “I need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease.” “Did you just call my girlfriend a cow?” “Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrassing.” “For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people.” “I think everyone in this ______ is absolutely insane.” “Dude, hold still. I don't think it sees us.” “Oh, you back-stabbing cock bite!” “Damn, man, we only ran like three hundred feet. You are really out of shape.” “I hate to be the one to point this out guys, but I think we're screwed.” “Have you ever seen a blue ghost before?” “Bloody murder! Bloody murder!” “Wait a second, how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.” “That's exactly what ______ kept screaming.” “This doesn't seem physically possible!” “Try connecting that hose to that metal thingy there.” “There's something on your head.” “Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!” “Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out.” “You should blame God. First he makes hangovers, and now, half women, half sharks that won't even sleep with me. Thanks for nothing, God!” “Yeah. That's right. I'm a gay robot.” “Oh fuckberries.” “You lied to me.” “You sound like such an ass the way you say it.” “They can't see me. I can't see them!” “That's really fucking gross.” “Holy cow, would you stop yelling? I'm here.” “What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe? Rub my neck with aloe vera?” “Come on. That's an urban legend they use to sell those stupid bracelets.” “As far as I'm concerned, I'm square with you.” “You know, I don't really see how not killing somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor.” “I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get hired to do mean things.” “I think it's important to enjoy what you do.” “Yeah, I don't wanna talk about this any more.” “That was a stirring eulogy. Rest in peace, good buddy!” “I think you are a mean ghost.” “I tell you what; kill me. I promise not to come back.” “Man, that girl's got a really good arm.”

“ ah fuck, the english ruin everything... “ “ i will not disappoint. why? because i’m not a disappointment. “ “ aren’t there seven colours in a rainbow? there are seven, right? i didn’t hallucinate that, right? “ “ what the fuck is indigo? “ “ oh no that’s so sad, why would you leave it out?” “ my local drug dealer was stabbed in the back of the neck. “ “ they tried to sell my mum/dad/[insert ___ here] drugs. “ “ there’s a window, y’know? “ “ it’s after about five beers that i stop being able to work. “ “ yeah, people started calling him asda. “ “ i want the corner. “ “ if you wanted the fucking corner you should’ve said you wanted the corner. “ “ you’re the worst lesbian ever. “ “ ah. that’s leaking. “ “ there’s plenty of tape, no worries. “ “ despacito is the epitome of pop. “ “ i hated that song already, but then [pronoun] played it three times a day for four years. i don’t hate it anymore. i haaaaaaaaaaaaate it. “ “ i don’t care where i am, i just don’t want to be here. “ “ are those gucci? “ “ define gucci. “ “ it’s what all the hipsters are into. “ “ it’s like a gay lasagne. “ “ onions. “ “ queerness is just an archaeological dig site of colour. “ “ i thought ‘polyester’ was its name. that’s what it said on the label. “ “ in my defence, i was four. “ “ i’ve worn these dungarees for three years non-stop. “ “ i love this country, you call it summer and it’s like, one weekend long. “ “ they were just pressing every buzzer in the building trying to get help and shouting, ‘i’ve been fucking stabbed’. the guy who lives below me turned his buzzer off. “

my colour-deficient ass is a huge fan of all the bright, contrasting colours used in mad max: fury road and thought it’d look pretty as a vaguely sort of somewhat impressionistic kind of painting :3c

“I have nothing left to give.” “You were made to make it hurt.” “I will end where I began.” “I can feel it crawl beneath my skin.” “Just let go of me.” “Is this the way it's got to be?” “Drag me down.” “I will fight until the end.” “I'm so sorry.” “Leave me alone.” “God, let me go.” “Just turn around, there’s nothing left.” “I feel nothing anymore.” “Don't bury me.”

send “📖page __ line __” to be more specific send “📖dialogue” to specify first available dialogue

“Are we just jerking off?” “We're awake. But we're very puzzled.” “My name is [insert name here]. But most people call me......[insert same name here].” “That little bastard shot me in the ass!” “My mind is a raging torrent flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into waterfall of creative alternative...” “What in the wide world of sports is going on here?” “I'm so tired. Goddammit, I'm exhausted.” “If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.” “Here, play around with this for awhile.” “The time has come to act, and act fast.” “I'm leaving.” “Let’s face it, I’m tired.” “Have you ever seen such cruelty?” “I'm rapidly becoming a big underground success in this town.” “Please rest your sphincter.” “All right, you caught me.” “To speak the plain truth, it's getting pretty damn dull around here.” “Through the Vatican?” “[Own name] only pawn in game of life.” “Yeah, but I shoot with this hand.” “Ditto!” “You provincial putz!” “Dare, dare!” “Well, raise my rent.” “I do, I do, I must, I must.” “Not in the face! Thank you.” “You’ve got to remember these are simple farmers. These are people of the land, the common clay of [location]. You know, morons.” “As you can see, this one’s a doozy.” “I don’t know what’s going on, but whatever it is, I hate it.” “I’ve had my fill of love from below and above.” “They’re always coming and going and coming and always too soon.” “He’s like wet sauerkraut in my hands.” “Oh, baby, you are so talented. And they are so stupid.” “What’s a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?” “Nowhere special. I always wanted to go there.”

1. If you were an egg, how would you like to be cooked? 2. Would you rather be swallowed by a whale or vomited up by a whale? 3. If you could only eat one kind of dessert for the rest of your life, what would it be? 4. How long exactly do you think you would survive on a desert island? 5. Would you rather have two left feet or two right feet? 6. If you had to be followed around by any kind of bird, what kind of bird would you like to be followed around by? 7. What kind of music would be your theme music through which any audience members would be able to recognise your entry? 8. Would you prefer a benevolent God that micromanages everything and utterly negates free will with the promise of everlasting freedom after death, or a chaotic god that flung people into the world and sat back to watch it unfold with no promises of anything after death? 9. If humans lived underwater, how different would your life be? 10. If humans could fly, how different would your life be? 11. If everybody in the world were monochromatically colourblind, what do you think the art world would be like? 12. If you were given an orange, would you prefer to eat it while bathing, while showering, or while not immersed in any type of water whatsoever? 13. From what end do you open a banana? 14. When you wipe your butt, do you look at the toilet paper? 15. If you had to be swallowed by a dinosaur, what kind of dinosaur would you like to be swallowed by? 16. If you could only wear one kind of fabric for the rest of your life, what kind of fabric would you choose to wear? 17. How different do you think the world would be if everybody spoke the same language? 18. What is your preferred method of swimming? 19. If you had to break a window, how would you do it? 20. Do you believe that pigs have a moral compass? 21. Do dogs know that they are loved? 22. Do cats know that they are loved? 23. Do birds know that they are loved? 24. Do sharks know that they are loved? 25. What is your preferred explanation of the platypus? 26. If you were a flower, what kind of flower would you be? 27. Is humankind fundamentally good or evil? 28. If you had to be eaten by any kind of animal, what kind of animal would you like to be eaten by? 29. If you had to be preserved like food is preserved, how would you like to be preserved? 30. Why are you here?

“Handstands are a vital part of panda reproduction.” “There is always faecal matter on your face.” “The floppiness of dogs’ ears is a direct result of domestication.” “Bees technically do have knees.” “Your ass actually has two sphincters in it.” “Only one kind of duck quacks.” “If you lift a kangaroo’s tail up off the ground, it can’t hop.” “The Earth used to be covered in mushrooms.” “The thong was invented to skirt laws forbidding exotic dancers from being naked.” “We see the world upside down, but our brain flips it the right way up again.” “If you put a bar of soap in the microwave, it will bubble up to excrete more soap.” “Pirates calling each other ‘matey’ is the equivalent of shortening ‘husband’ to ‘hubby’. Matey comes from ‘matelotage’.” “Some people are 10% more banana than others.” “Nearly 3% of the ice in Antarctic glaciers is penguin piss.” “Fidgeting is an adaptive advantage.” “Octopi have four pairs of arms.” “The longest time elapsed between twins being born is 87 days.” “The myth of the cyclops comes from Ancient Greeks not knowing what a mammoth was.” “Lemmings don’t jump off cliffs.” “You will never know what you look and sound like to other people.” “The entirety of the phrase is ‘curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back’.” “Bees dance to show each other where the good flowers are at.” “Honey is just bee excrement.” “The concept of hysteria comes from the thought that an utterly detached womb travels around a body and wreaks havoc where it goes.” “Everybody has the muscles needed to raise their eyebrows, but only some people can configure them in such a way as to raise only one.” “High heels were originally used to assist in the riding of horses.” “Penguin mating calls sound not dissimilar to those of a donkey.” “Women’s clothing buttons on the opposite side to other clothing because back when chambermaids were commonplace, it was expected that they would dress their mistresses. Having your buttons be on that side was a status symbol.” “If you drop a penny off the Empire State Building, the wind will likely buffet it towards a ledge. If you drop a pen, however, someone could die.” “Without mucus, your stomach would digest itself.” “As soon as you eat pineapple, it’s a race between you and the pineapple to see which will digest the other first.” “Elephants have elbows.” “Everybody has haemorrhoids, they only begin to cause problems when they’re inflamed.” “Dolphins are some hairy motherfuckers.” “Socks date back to at least 8BC.” “Figure skating is called that because skaters used to have to carve figures into the ice by skating.” “Dancing in sync with other people can increase your pain tolerance.” “The very shape of an egg is a deterrent against bad parenting.” “The oldest clam in the world was 507 years old when it was killed by scientists that were trying to ascertain how old it was. It was later discovered that they could have determined its age without its death.” “The air-speed velocity of an unladen European swallow is 24 miles per hour.” “The powdered wig is designed to combat syphilis.”

“have you ever been kissed? held hands? hugged?” “i’m sorry i keep flinching” “i forgot how nice it could feel” “not there” “i can’t remember the last time someone hugged me” “i can’t remember the last time someone touched me and it didn’t hurt” “i don’t know where to put my hands” “don’t TOUCH ME” “you don’t get to be touched until i say so” “i’m sorry, i just can’t” “you keep moving away from me, is everything okay?” “i wish i could touch you”

“I think a lot of thoughts; about a lot of things.” “I think tattoos are cool - on other people.” “I think a handful of nuts is healthy snack.” “Right now, I'm thinking about the millions of microorganisms living on my body. It's like I'm a mother ship. A 100% male mother ship.” “I could get on the local news if I strolled into a McDonald's and stripped down nude.” “Think about the first guy who ever shaved, and how many times did he shave before the second guy caved?” “If a friend was choking on ice, ‘just be patient’ would be the best advice.” “Sometimes I think how old guys like to whittle and how if I start now and just whittle a little, my whittling skills will hone before I get old, and I'll pwn all my friends at the retirement home.” “Like, seriously, think of all the places that a penny's been in; it could've been in the pocket of the President's suit, but it's probably also been in some toddler's poop.” “Right now, I'm thinking about the people who invented words; did they just look at stuff and say the first thing that came to their minds, and if so, how do you explain duffle-bag?” “Could it be true we see differing hues?” “I don't think this would affect us personally, but I think it would have ripple effects through the interior design industry.” “In a strange twist of fate I think they'd probably kill me.” “I like that thought.”