soythelubu's weird corner

"Wait isnt lesbian women atracted to women."

"Yeah well what should we call it, then?"

"Well, there is menopause and andropause. Andro- is male and meno- is female. And then we add -filia and get androfilia for those attracted to men and menofilia for those attracted to female."

"What if someone is attracted to non binary?"

"Uhh.. otherfilia?"

"Isnt that just heterosexuality?"

I read a tumblr post about how ship wars are not a thing.

"Naval warfare exist still" and also "Who calls naval warfare that?"

They meant character shipping.

Now dont miss understand, i love age of empires 3 and i consider it the best of the series since it has destinguishable civilizations with unique units and not only diferent pictures but also avoids being slow like the age of empires 2 granpa (you may like it i dont)

That said rant ahead

My first question is why in the DE they didnt change the fucking story!!! Like so many things are fucking wrong.

Like they are willing to change almost all the story in the second act of the expansion but not the original campaings that were a mess.

You start in malta defending against ottomans, so all good till just after the second mission we get introduced into "an ancient stone library" that talks about the fountain of youth in america. Ancient stone library. IN THE 1500S the end of that campaing is in 1566, ancient my ass. Who the hell carved that? Alain Magnain's mother?

So you get sent by Alain Magnain (leader of the maltese knights and probably ficticious) to the new world to persue the Ottomans and stop them from getting to the fountain. Okay i can get going after the ottomans since you are part of a cristian knight order and most likely recently kicked from rhodes so yeah i could turn a blind eye. But then...

Then you get to the bew world and gets interesnting... fight a spaniard called Francisco Delgado, who despite sounding historical he isnt. And the only one that comes close to the name (and time) is a spanish monk that never visited the new world. Then defend the aztecs, and some incas for some random reason that i dont understand since you never reach the andes in this campaing

Capture the Ottoman and well it turns out that the circle was in the new world. AND WAS LEAD BY ALAIN. So intead of you know, telling morgan that Alain was part both of the maltese order and the boneguard, they fight. Morgan a man of principle decides to betray his commander.

I dont know what is more out of caracter, Alain being dumb and not telling Morgan, or Morgan Black going against his order.

And yes i know they spin it into Alain betrayed the order but makes no sense.

So you have scotman, a (presumably) british pirate and one ottoman fight against the leader of the Forever knights.

If Alain wanted to betray the order he could, i dont know, give temporally the grand master powers to Morgan (or someone else) abd lead the circle to the new world. Clearly he was important since he did lead the circle to the new world

Dialogue is not bad though i like it.

My favorite part was "im an ottoman. i have more gunpowder you could ever use."

You do also get interesting mision desing that keeps teaching stuff in small steps, the first is in creating units and some unit counters, the second is more rounded towards get economy going and more general siege, the third into the naval part of the game, etc. And also one that teaches you about the experience system that is completly new to every player. And secont to lat one where you dont get gold mines but instead need to capture the spanish fleet that makes only gold and makes you contest the map.

Rather than the small churches they get multiple giant cathedals. Like monuments from aoe2 and bigger that some of the asian ones.

They also get a lot of special units that are papal units, like papal guards (esentially better swiss pikes) papal lancers (buffed elmeto, as if they needed buffs) and a papal cannon that is on par with the otoman bombard. THEY ALSO GET SPECIAL ABILITIES ONE CALLED "HOLY FIRE".

Like holy shit did you need to go that hard on christanity and papal states??

Here is proof.

My gf messages me she had a nightmare.

She tells me

I read: "i dreamt a girl kiss me". She is bi. I said "was that all?" Cuz like that wasnt that bad as she made it sound.

She actually said "i deamt a girl kiss you"

A necromancer that is comunist, so everytime he gets a new skeleton he hands out the capital written by karl marks and tells them about the good of comunism since they have no right over having things.

How he got so many copies of the capital?

You were never rick rolled if you didnt heard a b1 singing never gonna give you up. Its amazing.

You also need to heard Ra ra rasputin an amazing piece and the height and if you read the first comment you are gonna regret it cuz its peak grievous rasputin memes. And its all down hill from here.