Now What?

If you've found your way to this blog, it likely means one of two things: either you've been the subject of a callout or you have somehow been effected by the toxicity that public callouts frequently cause. Either way, this blog is a safe place for you. In fact, it is a safe space for everyone. Yes, you read that correctly, everyone! Whether you were featured in a callout, wrote one about someone else, or are just looking for ways to cope in the vitriolic space we call tumblr, so long as you're willing to learn, grow, and heal, you're absolutely welcome here.

the best thing you can do is link your apology and your callout in your rules, which it seems like you have, as well as do your best to change any behaviors that were actually harmful. if you're uncertain what those behaviors are / were, i'm more than happy to read over your callout and help you identify them.

after all of that is said and done, there isn't anything else you can do other than not react. personally, my recommendation is to post what anons you get with no answer (just put a period in the post if you have to) so that you have evidence they're being sent. eventually, hopefully, the other people will realize that you're improving or just get bored. but not reacting is truly the most important thing. you've done what you can. you've covered your bases. anything else just adds fuel to the fire.

you could also try and see if they're willing to talk. but typically it takes a third party to get people talking when this sort of thing happens, because people these days are so block happy and averse to actual, intellectual, challenging, and meaningful conversation. if that conversation does happen - listen. don't be defensive, own where you've hurt people, and calmly explain yourself. the only thing you can control is how you react.

and keep in mind that, if they're only talking about it privately, people you hurt are allowed to feel hurt, especially if what you did was especially harmful. anon hate and harassment are never okay, but people are allowed to be hurt by their past experiences and share that with the people they trust (or whomever they choose). it's not always good or healthy behavior, but it's not something you have control over.

You are absolutely welcome and I promise you, there will be more to come. I didn’t make this blog to specifically attack anyone - as you can see from time stamps, this was made ages ago - but the situation with Ezy was brought to my attention and as someone who tried to be patient and understanding with them, I cannot let it stand. I understand what they are going through. I understand what it’s like to experience an episode and the following impulse to push everyone away. These are extremely common symptoms of BPD, but as much as they insist otherwise, the have never taken accountability for their actions. I have poured through the screenshots - never once do they apologize in a proper fashion. there is a huge difference between saying you’re sorry and properly apologizing. You have to say you’re sorry and accept the consequences of your actions. You have to specifically address what you did and the harm it caused, wether you meant for it to cause harm or not. I understand that maybe they didn’t intend to cause harm. I understand how difficult this is for them. But they haven’t accepted responsibility, because they are placing the responsibility for their actions on their trauma and their disorder. They haven’t said “yeah, I did that. I hurt people. And I accept the consequences of those actions”, they said “I’m sorry, but YOU are at fault here. Ur actions hurt me and I reacted” and that’s the same as saying “I’m sorry I made you feel that way.” It’s not a real apology.

and honestly, that’s why I made this blog. So many people don’t know how to truly apologize on tumblr and it’s left so many lasting wounds. So I’m glad this fell into my lap so I can sort of dissect it and hopefully provide info about how to act going forward.

that being said, my last post yesterday, which won’t be deleted tho I’ll prolly add this to it, was out of line. I should not have posted something so vindictive. I was in an episode of my own and lashed out to try and hurt the thing that hurt me, and that’s not cool. I don’t expect forgiveness and am familiar enough with bpd to know that ezy will probably never let it go, but I’m sorry for any discomfort it caused anyone else.

anyway, if discussion of the situation doesn’t stop, I will be thoroughly dissecting the entire situation as a case study of what to and not to do when someone tries to establish boundaries. I have already warned those involved that if they didn’t stop, I will be forced to explain everything in full.

here is proof of that:

I know the kind of information and content I want to provide here. I want to have information on how to be accountable, how to properly apologize, and how to move on when the world seems against you. Maybe eventually I’d even like to include discussions of how to navigate through the difficult conversations that come with apologizing. But I also want to talk about the problems with internet culture at large: how quick people are to judge and how so many people seem to struggle with listening to apologies. I want to talk about how anti reform and pro punishment tumblr is and maybe eventually ruminate on how it reflects the issues in our society at large.

But more than anything, I want to be here to answer questions. Rather you are the victim of abuse or the subject of a callout, I want to be a person that people come to for guidance and help. So I think the best way to start is by saying this: both my ask box and IMs are open. My discord (one made for this account) is available upon request. I’m always open to talk and if I’m not, I’ll be sure to give everyone a heads up. I hope that we can strive to make tumblr a better place from both sides.