Chevrolet Movie Theater

Probably just gonna use this to post rants and vents and stuff, maybe have a conversation if someone sees this bs and responds for some reason :p

Honestly my day, or I guess my whole year or life, has been pretty shit. Not even an exceptional kind of shitty, just disappointing and disheartening, like every fuckin day.

Even my favorite game, Warframe, has just killed my motivation and enthusiasm. I know it's stupid, but I was so excited for the new sayandana thing, but the only way to get it is for a minimum of 20 fuckin dollars for 3 regal Aya, of which you only need 1 to get it, or spend 25 dollars, probably closer to 26, to get a pack that includes a bunch of special exclusive stuff, as well as a single regal Aya, and it just happened to come out in the last half of the month left until I can go back to work to make money again. I already missed out on the last tennocon stuff because I couldn't afford it, now? I can't even go to work to make money to afford it until it's already over. Warframe was my favorite because it didn't have stuff like that so I didn't have to miss out or feel excluded, but I was never even included from the beginning, I never even got the beloved "new tenno experience" I just grinded for days for random bs and figured everything out by myself, completely solo aside from random public lobbies when I couldn't do smth by myself. I know that's the same experience a lot of veterans have and not everyone gets that kind of thing, but it still feels really shitty.

Though, I did learn from the game that nothing you seek in life will pretty much ever actually be achievable until you don't want or need it anymore, however at the same time, I think that's the stupidest most unfair bullshit ever! And I get it, "Lifes not fair", but okay, fine, life is shit. I already get that part. When's the next one??? Is that just it? So much build up and it's all just fucking nothing. Everyone says it gets better, but when? I've been waiting my whole life, and it's actually only gotten way fucking worse, so when's the good part coming??? What the fuck am I even supposed to do while I wait? I can't have a life or be a person if I can't even get a friend, everyone has someone, if I don't, then what am I supposed to be? I can only really assume I'm just not supposed to have friends or something, though it's not like I'm special, as far as I can understand, I basically don't exist, I seem to just be the faint idea of a person rather than actually being a real person with friends and feelings and stuff. Though, then I'd be unique or something, so that's definitely not true.

I mean, I still have feelings, but they don't feel real, like when you convince yourself you really like something when you actually feel almost entirely indifferent, but at the same time it's not like I have absolutely no feelings, they're just full of holes and missing a lot of pieces.....