inactive

“So do a lot of people have these specialists come into their home – ” Kida puzzled, closing the book that was in her hand and turning. “To fix the feng shui. I thought it was something people paid a lot of attention to in China, but apparently it’s a big deal here too? I did not realize just how big of a thing actually,” She sat the book back on the unit, making sure it was lined up again, before crossing her arms over her chest.

Jessie looked up from the book in her hands as she leaned back against the shelf. “Ah,” she nodded slowly. “Honestly I think it depends on how much money you’ve got. If I need to rearrange things I’ll do it myself, I don’t see a point in bringing someone else into my space to do that but some people are really into it.” 

She was an aspiring pacifist- but man, she felt like she was failing. Not her fault! The asshole had it coming, grabbing her ass and all. Fortunately she was able to leave the station when her claims of using self-defense were proven correct. However, that didn’t stopped her hand and knuckles from bleeding and bruising. With an ice pack on her hand and waiting for her ride (thank God Zephyr was still at day care), Esmeralda smiled at someone and joked, “Could be worse- you should’ve seen the other guy.”

As far as he knew, and from what Woody told him that heartbreak was years before she even thought of moving to the big city but he wasn’t about to say anything and instead Buzz just shrugged back and took a sip from his beer. “And I can do very much the same to you,” he said back with a smirk on his face at her words, a wink throw her way. As he placed his beer down, Buzz turned to face his girlfriend, his fingers gently moving to place a ginger lock of hers behind her ear. “Brandy? Oh yeah. She came by the district the other day, I think while you were out on a call. But she came by with donuts. Instantly earned 100 points in her favor,” he said with a laugh. “She seems like a nice girl. A good one too. I can’t say that I very much think she’s a keeper.”

Just the sight of Buzz’s eyes on her sent chills down her spine. All Buzz had to do was look at her and she was weak at the knees sometimes but she wouldn’t have it any other way. “I can’t lie, you definitely can.” A smirk settled across her lips now as she leaned against the counter a little more comfortably now and watched him move closer, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. He was so handsome. She was so lucky. And the smile stuck as he went on about Brandy. Jessie had yet to meet this mystery woman of Woody’s but she couldn’t wait. “Aw man, I missed her and I missed donuts?” she laughed softly. “I gotta quit leavin’ when people bring donuts around, this just isn’t fair. But I’m glad to hear she’s a good one. I expect nothin’ less from how highly Woody has spoken of her. I just need to meet her myself.”

“Red.. red… red..” She repeated softly under her breath as she set the two bottles of red on the table. Wine was a regular in their diets it seemed, so getting a bottle open and flowing in her cup was a swift motion that didn’t take her much time at all. “Red is just.. so fancy honestly. So I mean, great choice for the evening.”  Opening her mouth she wanted to protest. Wanting to tell her no, she needed to speak about this, but maybe now wasn’t the best time. Which Molly understood, to the best degree she knew how. “I’m great! Work is wonderful as always, and I’m close to posting a new little story on instagram. Seems my following just climbs these days. Andy .. is Andy. I don’t think I need to say much more on that front.” 

“I know I guess I’m more of a pinot grigio girl but lately I’ve been favoring cab savs and merlots recently. I guess I like to feel fancy, even in my pjs.” Jessie gave a soft chuckle as she watched Molly pour the bottle of wine with little effort. They had gotten quite good at it. She was also thankful Molly didn’t press her on the issue. Of course she wanted to talk more about it, she needed to, she just.. didn’t want to at the moment. But she took the glass of wine with a smile, listening. “You sound like you need a blog for this. But that’s so exciting, Molly! Can you imagine if you could find an agent and get a few things published?” Of course she hoped the best for her roommate. “And well, I guess that’s good to hear. I know he’s busy.”

Buzz took a sip of his beer and right after he swallowed he let out a snicker as he turned his face to look at Jessie, “I’m sorry. You pursued me? Honey, you barely talked to me when you were living here, remember?” he said with a chuckle. “And if by pursuing me you meant making me so nervous that I stuttered around you, well, what a way,” he teased as he took another sip. “Oh, Andy is on shift until tomorrow morning. And Woody is out on a date with Brandy until I don’t know where. Or if he’s even coming back at all. Haven’t heard anything from him yet,” said Buzz as he took his phone out just to check if there were any new texts from the man himself, but aside from a funny picture from Andy, nothing much. “Well, assuming he’ll ever tell me anything,” said Buzz with a shrug.

“Okay well to be fair I had a heartbreak to get over so I wasn’t much for pursuing anyone at that moment in time.” Jessie reminded him. She didn’t like thinking about Emily and at a time like this, with everything the way it had been, she couldn’t handle recalling anymore heartbreak. No instead she shook the feeling off and just laughed quietly. “I still make you nervous, though.” she teased, bringing her glass of wine to her lips to take a sip. Once the glass was back on the counter she pursed her lips together, “Has Woody still not told you much about Brandy? Have you met her yet? I figure I’ll probably have to go an’ meet her myself.”

“Yeah, you’re tiny when you’re not wearing heels,” he said with a chuckle, the thought of how small she got whenever she kicked her heels away always had Buzz because she literally shrank before his very eyes. “But I still love you. And I’m glad I’m useful,” he said with a smile before met her halfway with the kiss, chasing after her when she pulled away just to peck her lips one last time before he finally pulled away from the ginger. “I would hope I’m not boring. Most of the time I’m stuck behind that desk,” said Buzz with a laugh as he pulled away from Jessie just to lower the stove a little before he was back to her in an instant, one arm around her waist as he leaned against the counter, reaching for his beer. “So Molly was okay about having the apartment for herself tonight?”

“I am.” she laughed again. Even the boots Jessie wore at work had a bit of a lift to them so without shoes she was significantly shorter than Buzz. As he chased her with his lips for another kiss a giggle followed, “You’re very useful and not at all boring. If you were boring I probably wouldn’t have pursued you like I did. Not that there’s anythin’ wrong with boring people but I’m not sure I could be stuck with one.” Her arm dropped from him as he turned to the stove once more, and her free hand reached for her glass of wine. “Oh, yeah, she’s fine, I’m sure. It’s not like she isn’t used to it now. Though I do still love our girls nights. Which, speakin’ of roommates where are yours tonight? I haven’t heard much out of them since coming around here more often.”

Before the year ended things had crashed. And hard. The couple had gone from being the happier to the saddest in just a matter of days. And when indeed the year ended, it left with the highest note of what had been something so private for Jessie to be about everywhere, which had Buzz more than worried about it as well. But as the days passed, one by one, he noticed the ginger changing. Her spirits were lifted, she was beginning to smile a little more, if anything, it was like she was trying to keep on going, but with a better view. And he was more than happy to be by her side and help her through when she needed it.

Even if that meant something so simple as cooking dinner at his place. Luckily for Buzz, Andy was on a shift and Woody was out on a date with Brandy. Which meant that they had the place for themselves and he was honestly so relieved to not hear any teasing or stupid comment coming from the guys. Not right now. As he searched around the cabinets for the things they needed to cook, because Andy and Woody always left anything where it shouldn’t be, Buzz’s eyes turned towards her direction as she teased him. Of course. “If by cooking, you mean me reaching for things at the top cabinet, well,” he said with a shrug as he chuckles a bit, adding a few more spices before he let the pot boil for a second as he moved closer to Jessie. “I must be very boring at work then,” said Buzz as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

Jessie knew her little comment would catch Buzz’s attention, and for sure it did. He finished messing with the pot on the stove and Jessie hadn’t batted an eye as she watched him. A smirk appeared across her lips as he reached for her and brought her close. She sat her glass of wine on the counter behind her and wrapped her own arms around his torso, just looking back at him with all of the love in her eyes. A week ago she couldn’t imagine seeing herself looking back at him like this. She had  been so sad, so upset about everything, it was difficult to see past it and while things were still difficult, she was indeed a bit happier just in this moment. “I mean I can’t lie, seein’ how I’m as short as I am, it is nice havin’ someone around who can reach those top cabinets.” she laughed softly before leaning in to press a kiss to his lips. Her lips lingered against his for just a moment before pulling away. “And you’re not boring at work, I’m just pleased by the little things.”

Molly didn’t hesitate to pull out her emergency stash of chocolate, nor did she stop herself from grabbing three bottles of wine and two glasses to set on the coffee table. Pulling a blanket over them she sat across from Jessie trying to find the right words. “Jess, you know I love you right? And this doesn’t change how incredible you are - or the fact that you can do incredible things. You can certainly still have a family, and adopt!” Biting her lip she leaned back in the couch a little tipping her glass back. Maybe it was too soon to talk about that stuff. “Your glass is also empty, what are you feeling, red or white wine?” She offered with a small smile. || @southernhazzard

Jessie couldn’t remember the last time she had cried so much and she wasn’t much of a crier. Of course she had her moments, it wasn’t like she was heartless or incapable, but she just wasn’t always so emotional. But this was all so much, the turn-around for things.. It was like having a rug pulled out from under you. She snapped out of her thoughts though when she heard the sound of Molly’s voice and felt her roommate sitting back against the couch across from her. And yes, adoption had crossed her mind but right now she just wasn’t so sure she was ready to fully accept it, as selfish as that may have sounded. “I think I’m feelin’ like a red wine night so I’d better stick with it.” she said, giving her roommate a smile as she offered her glass for her to fill. Honestly Molly had been the best through this whole thing, whatever it was. But that wasn’t surprising to Jessie. “Ya know, enough about me, about this.. How are you, Mol? How’s work, how’s Andy?”

In the midst of all of the worrying and tears though she could still find a bit of happiness and right now Buzz was helping immensely with that. He invited her over for a night of dinner, the two cooking together - something they hadn’t done in quite some time, and Jessie needed to get out of her apartment. Not that it was the worst place to be - Molly had been amazing through this whole process, that woman always knew how to deal with any kind of crisis Jessie found herself in and she was more than thankful. Jessie was surrounded by good people - she just needed to remind herself of that. As Buzz searched through the cabinets for ingredients she smiled, watching him as she leaned against the counter, a glass of wine in her hands. She couldn’t help but tease him a little. “Ya know, I love watching you at work but honestly I gotta say I think I like you more in the kitchen.” | @lucasbuzzlightyear

Molly poked her head up over the others glass of wine and grinned towards her. Though something in her smile was enough for her to pick up , there was an itch in Jessie. Avoiding calling it out so soon she just shrugged. “Sometimes you just have to get creative and do what you have to! Besides, it was your wine glass not some stranger that would call me the weird reflection girl or something.” She mumbled with a small laugh. With a sigh she straightened up sitting beside her. “Alright so what are we drinking, and to what this evening?” 

There was just something about Molly’s presence that seemed to wrap Jessie into a warm embrace, the woman didn’t even need to touch her, she hardly had to speak. Just being there was enough for now, temporarily. “Well I guess ya do have a fair point there. How many other people have you done this to tonight? Also your lipstick is perfect as always, that color is amazing on you!” She could read behind her eyes that something was up but she was thankful that she chose to go on. “We are drinking to the hope of a new year, of course! To.. second chances and whatever else people like to toast to!”

“I’m not asking you about your fears, because I know those very well,” he said to her as he turned his head to look at her. He had known them incredibly well because they had been the first wall to face when he had wanted something more with Jessie, and it took all of his strength to get past it. But of course, the man knew that well would come again plenty more times as long as they were together. “I’m asking if you think I’m going to leave you for this,” he said again as his green eyes focused on Jessie. “Because I wasn’t lying when I said that you got me,” said Buzz as he let the glass rest on the counter, shifting so he was fully facing his girlfriend. “And you know what?” he said as he reached out for her hands, “You mean, so much more to me than any child. Or two. Or ten. I wouldn’t want a family unless it’s with you, Jessica,” he said as his eyes softened, as he brought her hands to his lips to kiss them while keeping them safe in his hold. “I’m here, and I’m always going to be here. Through thick and thin, and you bet you’ll need a storm or worse to even make me think of leaving you.”

Jessie listened to him very carefully as he spoke to her, finally looking at his girlfriend. She heard him loud and clear, not that she didn’t before but now that he was actually looking at her it was a little different. Her eyes focused on Buzz the more he went on and the more he opened up to her, even reaching out for her hands. Tears were streaming down her cheeks now, Jessie even choking out a sob at the sound of her name.She wanted to wipe her tears away but she didn’t want to take her hands away from him. At the moment Jessie was speechless. All she could do was blink as the tears continued to fall. “Buzz..” she finally spoke. It was followed by another sob. “I’m so sorry for even thinking that.” she was once again finally able to get a few words out. “I didn’t mean for it to hurt you, it wasn’t supposed to be this way. I love you so much..”

Molly leaned forward just a little . Only because in the reflection of the glass being held by someone else she could see her reflection. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude.. the bathroom is just too packed for a quick check of my lipstick.” 

It took a matter of a second for Jessie to recognize the voice behind the glass in her hand. The redhead had been scrolling through her phone with one hand and holding her champagne with the other, completely oblivious to the world around her. Ever since that stupid message had gone out she couldn’t focus on anything else. Perhaps her roommate and best friend was just what she needed. Had she heard yet? She wasn’t sure she even wanted to ask. Maybe this was something they’d do better with over a bottle of wine back at the apartment. She put on her best forced smile for her. “I swear Molly you’re the most creative person I know when it comes to findin’ a mirror.”

Buzz sat there with his whiskey in hand, next to Jessie, his mask long forgotten at this point in the night, thrown away in a random trashcan. He had spent most of the night by himself, sat on a lonely stool and sipping his drink, talking to barely a few people that came to check on him but quickly walked away. Not like he was in any mood to talk really, let alone, after that gossip went out in everyone’s phone screens, Buzz was just glad he wasn’t that known around. Even without his mask, he was still invisible. At Jessie’s question, he lifted his glass to take a sip. “I’ve had better days,” he said as he put the glass down, licking his lips to get the last bit of the liquor. He twirled his glass, he wasn’t looking at Jessie as his green eyes were focused on the dark liquid inside. “Do you really think I’d do that?” he asked, at this point, there was absolutely nothing holding back that burning question from the back of his mind after reading that gossip post. “You really think I’m that much of an ass? That would leave you because you can’t have kids?”

Jessie had been so upset over the simple fact that her business - business that was so deeply personal, was now plastered all over screens that she had completely forgotten about another part of the post. The part where it admitted her fear of being left. She could hear it in his voice how hurt he was, she would have been too had the roles been reversed, but at the same time she couldn’t help it. Having a fear of someone leaving after something like this, it wasn’t unheard of. Being in her line of work she had seen cases before, spouses or even ex-spouses leaving and causing problems resulting in someone getting hurt or worse.. It was all a mess. And she was only human. Events like this one were not unknown to cause emotional trauma, sometimes trauma so great it could cause a rift in a relationship. She didn’t want to be made out to be the villain here. Of course she didn’t want it to be in everyone’s pockets and hand clutches either. “I’m sorry. You weren’t supposed to find out this way.” she said flatly. “That was my business, my issue to share. I don’t know how it got into someone else’s hand. And of course I don’t. I’m human, Buzz. I have fears. We’ve just gone through something, I’ve just gone through something. You know very well how traumatic events affect people, big or small. And it’s not like a fear is going to go away just like that. This is still so new, so .. heartbreaking.” she didn’t want to fight. Not like this. Not here.

“You don’t have to apologize.” He said, as he followed her outside. “I’m not going to force you to stay, Jessie. But, having you curl up at home worries me because it’s not like you.” He frowned at her words, not really making sense of them. “Plans…with Buzz.” Did something happen with her and Buzz? His best friend hadn’t mentioned anything? “Jess, did something happen with you two? Look, I know you don’t tell me a lot and I know part of that is because he’s my best friend, but if you two are having problems, you can talk to me about it. And if it’s something personal, I get it. You don’t have to talk about it. But, just know I’m here. I’m always here. And I love you. No matter what, okay?”

Jessie rest a hand on the balcony railing once she reached the edge. She knew she was going to have to tell him, she needed to tell Woody. A part of her knew Buzz wouldn’t be one to say something first, not about this. She could only imagine what he was feeling right now. She hadn’t seen him for quite some time. Finally the redhead sighed. Now that she was outside and away from the chaos - there was no one around but the two of them, perhaps she could say something. Say it out loud. It wasn’t something she was able to do and even now it was proving to be a challenge. “Nothing happened with us, no.” she said, choosing her words carefully. ‘And I know you’re here, Woody, and I appreciate that more than you know I really do. I love you - I wouldn’t know what to do without you honestly.” she was stalling. “I’m really glad to have my family here.” at this point she was wiping a few tears away. “Nothing happened. Not with us. Just.. I don’t know. It’s been unexpected. We were wanting to have a family, have kids.. It was something we were hoping to get on here soon given our age and what not and well,” she was unable to stop the small sob coming from her now. “Well that’s not gonna happen ‘cause I can’t. I can’t have kids. And there’s nothin’ to be done about it. So, happy new year to us..”

Buzz lost track of the night as he sat throughout all the party at the bar, sipping his whiskey slowly, not wanting to get drunk really. But also, without much energy to do or say anything else but be in that stool. He had even ordered a glass of water just because. It was really impossible for him to be in any mood to party, even if it was the last night of the year. And then his phone went off. He hadn’t paid any attention to the things that had been disclosed through the night. People’s secrets, personal things, fears, doubts. Not his interest. But something made him flip his phone over and look at the screen. And he couldn’t feel worse about doing it. Jessie’s personal business was now all over and everyone’s phone screen, possibly the worst nightmare, with both of their names loud and clear on that message. But Buzz’s eyes were fixed on the last part. Did she really think that of him? That he’d be such a scum to do something like that to her? His mind was about everywhere, letting out a sigh as he rubbed his eyes with his fingertips when he heard someone calling him, that voice louder than any other in that room, making him look to his side. “Hi,” he said to Jessie. Only realizing she had been sitting there but he hadn’t noticed, but he didn’t think much of it, instead, he just took his glass and moved closer to her.

“Hi” she said back, pulling her mask off to rest it on the bar next to her glass. She felt no need for it now. Not with it just being her and Buzz there at the bar. He looked so down and she hated to see it. Jessie couldn’t help but still feel like this was her fault somehow, that one night that was supposed to be so fun and full of hope for a new year was ruined and it had everything to do with her. For a few moments she was at a loss for words, she didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like she could just ask him how he was, she knew how he was, it was written all over his face. Of course she’d like to give some flirty remark, asking if he came there often or commenting on how handsome he looked tonight. Even through the sullen look in his eyes he was still as handsome as ever. “How are you holding up?” The words just fell from her lips, again it wouldn’t have been her first choice - but at the same time they were very much adults and were very capable of having this conversation.