jedι dιѕαѕтer

“If it wasn’t for the war, none of us would feel this way.”

Obi-Wan sighed. Jedi weren’t supposed to become generals. This put them to the test and some of them broke or fell to the dark side. If she couldn’t cope, then it would be better to leave the Order before all this ended in tragedy.

“Would you like to take a walk around Coruscant? We could go to a cafe, for example.”

Obi-Wan felt terrible. He did not know that everything was so bad and all this time she was with him on missions. Obi-Wan dreaded to imagine what was happening to her when she was alone.

“I’m sorry. No one has to go through this.”

He had never felt anything like it. But he is a different matter. When he became a Jedi, the galaxy was peaceful. If Lyra had become a Jedi in peacetime, she wouldn’t have to go through this.

It’s really hard. Realizing your feelings is really hard. Obi-Wan was not good at this. More precisely, he most often hid his feelings, trying to be the perfect Jedi. It didn’t always work out.

“I understand. It’s really hard to be aware of your feelings and even harder to put it into words. But if it makes it easier, then it’s worth a try.”

It’s probably his destiny to have Padawans with problems. But he’s good at it.

In Obi-Wan’s defense, Lyra’s problems were probably easier to handle than Anakin’s. Sure, the constant desire to not wake up in the morning and the self-harm and starvation and--okay, maybe not easier. Just different. 

meme | accepting

          Unease and uncertainty radiated off of Lyra’s signature. It bordered on palpable.           Frankly, Rush didn’t blame the younger Jedi. She, too, held concerns for how           her biological parents would receive her if she returned home to Naboo as           she was now.            “I honestly don’t think they’d recognise me. Besides- I think it’d be too much           of a culture shock for them. After all, the Naboo usually gravitate towards           peace, and we all know I’m about the fight.”

          A small hum escaped the Nubian Jedi. A hum that could only be read as a           mock indicator of closure.           “That checks out. I wondered where it went. Did you like it?”           There wasn’t a single hint of negativity in her voice as she spoke. She truly           didn’t mind that Lyra, of all people, had requisitioned an item from her stash           of sweets. If only they knew about the black market she was running for her           men during deployment. Jedi requisition orders basically never got denied,           so Rush was more than capable of getting the boys what they wanted-                                                                                                                         for a price.            Nothing saying she couldn’t do the same for Lyra. 

@sourforce​ [x]

“Yes, it is. I think we can come up with something.”

Obi-Wan nodded to her. He didn’t want her to suffer because she was a Jedi. Not all Force-sensitives were destined to become Jedi. She could become a farmer or return home to her family. Or maybe there was another way out that he didn’t know about.

“I’m very good at listening, actually. If you’re willing to share your feelings, I’ll definitely listen to you. Anakin was never ready to talk about his feelings, unfortunately.”

He really would like to talk to Anakin about many things. But Anakin will never open up.

Lyra bit her lip, looking down and fiddling with her sleeves. She nodded, “ I am, sometimes. ” She was getting better with it, before her master died, Master Ton slowly peeling away the walls hiding her despair and pain that she had kept hidden very well for most of the war.

“Oh, don’t worry about the men. Me or Anakin can take them and make them part of the 212th or 501st. They’ll be fine.”

He knew how much she appreciated her men. They were indeed good people and excellent soldiers. They make a great addition to a 212 or 501 depending on what Cody decides. At least Obi-Wan won’t let them disappear for sure.

“Not at all. I’m always here to listen to you.”

“ Really? ” She asked, hopeful. “ That’s, that’s good. ” Part of the heaviness in her shoulders fell off at that. Not that she wouldn’t still worry about her men, her friends, of course.

          A singular, choked laugh escaped Rush as she held her face           against the soft fibres of Lyra’s robes. This poor girl had been           through hell, and yet here she was trying her absolute best to           comfort someone who was supposed to be the unbreakable spirit.           True love. In the most platonic of ways. A real friend.            Just ‘friend’?                                         Yeah. Maybe…            “You can have them, you know.” 

Redemption Arc

Your story had a pretty rough start and you did some things you're not proud of, but you made the choice to change. I won't go through how important it is to accept responsibility and keep striving to improve or whatever because you know that already. What I think you should know is that your fuel does not need to be shame. You don’t need to stand over the bathroom sink with your blood in your hands until you can no longer make out your reflection. you will look at your face and you will see the person you used to be, but that person no longer exists. Today, you are looking, and that makes all the difference.

Tagged by: @worldwearyjedi

meme | accepting

This is Lyra’s vc, Plumbella. Her accent gets thicker the more excited she gets.

          Rush fell quiet at the genuine answer that Lyra gave, her           eyes drifting off to focus on something in the far distance,           almost pensive as a slurry of thoughts erupted into her mind.            Home. What a concept. Especially in this war.           “Do you… Ever think you’ll go back? Like- after the war           and all? Just to see what it’s like?”

Lyra shrugged, “ I’ve thought about it, ” she said. “ Going back, seeing how things have changed. How much I’ve changed. But, I don’t know anymore. ” 

Obi-Wan had never thought about what it would be like to return home to his parents. What it would be like not to be a Jedi. No. Of course he thought about it. He was almost sent to a farm, where younglings who did not pass the tests or those who were not taken by any master before the expiration of a certain time were exiled. If he returned to his parents, what would they think of him? Would they accept him? But he is a different matter. There was no war then. He was an ordinary child with no history behind him.

Lyra went through difficult trials. She saw the war, she saw death and it is killing her now. If she comes home, the nightmares will not go away. She will not forget what she saw and what she felt. Will parents need her with such a story behind her shoulders? They parted ways with the little girl and got back a broken warrior who cannot cope with himself.

“You are not a failure. Never talk about yourself that way. We all have our limits. If it hadn’t been for this war, things would have turned out differently. We’ll need to talk to Master Yoda. He can think of something.”

Perhaps he can send Lyra to Satine on Mandalore. A peaceful life would be good for her. Satin can think of something. Or maybe on Naboo? He needed to talk to Padmé too. Naboo will be even better.

If it had not been for this war. So much rode on that sentence. If it had not been for this war, Master Ton would still be alive. Her friends would not be scattered amongst the stars or rejoined with the Force. She would be sitting in classes, passing notes to Ahsoka and Vez and trying to talk Master Ton into keeping the fifth stray tooka she’d found this week.

“ But... what of the men? Where would they go? ” No one knew them better than her. Knew that Blitz was a giant softie and gave the best hugs, that Murmur wasn’t a combat medic because of his heart or that Tarp shouldn’t be allowed near grenades. Sure, any other battalion that took what remained of the 610th would soon learn that, of course, but it wouldn’t be the same. 

Vez slid the credits over the countertop. She muttered a small thank you, then led Lyra to the side to wait for their cones. Vez balanced on her toes while she waited.

She turned to Lyra. “Oh, you have something on your face,” she said, reaching out to brush Lyra’s cheek. Her fingers linger before dropping to her side.

“Two mint chocolate chip with extra chocolate,” the droid called. Vez perked up and grabbed the two cones.

“Thank you,” she called over her shoulder as she handed Lyra her ice cream. “Come on, there’s a bench we can sit on by the park.”

Lyra smiled, taking a few licks of her ice cream as they made their way out to the park. She took Vez’s hand again, squeezing lightly.