you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

hello i am john mulaney but green. i do not enjoy gruel despite what my name suggests because when i was a child my father forced me to eat gruel every day. i can count to thirteen (13) by twos and i can smell ants from up to two miles away. this is my first post on tumblr

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

Clowns have active clown code / clown laws. They very much are beholden to them if they are a Professional Clown.

I mean in a way Godzilla is queer, because it queers the societal expectation of there not being a giant radioactive lizard destroying Tokyo.

This site is great for people who have opinions so esoteric as to be functionally useless

will always love iwtv for being a show that refuses to be confined to a single aesthetic. we have period drama balls and post-wwii parisian chic and 70s drugs&depression and depressing postmodern dubai penthouse and armand's fuckass ipad and rock concerts and divorce courts legal disputes all in the same show ugh no other piece of media is doing it like iwtv

I never learned how to type they didnt teach us in school so now i just type fast as fuck with my 2 index fingers. im strange and beautiful, swift and free. like a wild stallion galloping along on its long and creepy fingers

The world is my oyster. I have only an extremely vague idea of how to eat it, I'm pretty sure I won't even like it, but if I'm given the opportunity, you bet your ass I'm gonna schlorp that whole thing and look stupid as hell the whole time I'm doing it. I don't know if I'll like it, but I'll rather regret swallowing it than never knowing if I would.

there’s a used bookstore in rural western massachusetts (the montague book mill) whose motto is “books you don’t need in a place you can’t find” and i just feel like that summarizes tumblr too

posts you don’t need on a site you can’t search