Art blog art blog

Kinda gave up on rendering, it was supposed to be an exercise in rendering. It's whatever(/pos despite how it might look) Ovie needs a hug, they might need a little more than that.. but it would be a start!

Trying to get better at this! Feels pretty embarrassing that I can almost drink, but have basically no skills besides the ones you need to survive. Game dev is kinda working but shits hard when you cant focus! and all this piling up while I'm still trying to even figure out who I am?? Life's hard for me, it feels like I'm 333 football fields behind everyone I know (Probably not true, won't help knowing this anyway). But I'm holding it together. TW// like body hate and maybe neglect i guess? idk just trying to be respectful to sensitive people! im sensitive too, this part past here is a total personal life rant but as I state in here, I feel like I have to post this!

[Context: AMAB, and overweight] I just want to be cute and have people tell me im cute and mean it. Im quite repulsed by my body in more ways than usual. Im sure this is oversharing, but I don't know how to feel about that. Is it really important to hold that in? Is it bad that I'm saying all this publicly?? yeah.. but like. who cares at this point, PLEASE yell at me. I feel like my life has been sidelined by everyone. I just need anything to change. It's hard to get mad at the people around me because they aren't even like mean or anything, they aren't abusive, and they are accepting of my gender stuff. So why do I have such feelings of neglect? I'm purposeless and everyone is fine with that it seems, no one is in a hurry to help me. And maybe I'm selfish, probably, but I never ask for much, and now all the times I should have asked for a little snowballed into a situation where I really feel like I'm asking for a lot. Ugh I just want to at least feel justified in having my feelings. I really really.. need anything to happen, I feel more and more like im stagnant, rotting from the inside out. This feeling of stinging bile throughout my body has probably left black scarring all over. I dont think I have more to say, It's not like Im starving or harmed in any way. I just don't feel like I'm ready for what the world is outside of the 1-mile radius I have lived in for 3 years. I beg to be let out of my bubble, I kick and scream and cry, all while not moving a muscle on my bed. Staring blankly.. planning on not saying anything. Planning to order out again, when cooking would be more fun. Going to work, pretending I do anything but this.

First non-shitpost, this is my sona! They are nonbinary pls be nice to them <3 I conjured them from the song Malware Halo by Free.99(they get 5 big lovely hearts <3<3<3<3<3) Free.99 is literally all I'm listening to sometimes, like I try to listen to other music and it just doesn't scratch my brain right! pls recommend more music like that if you know(you know). uuhhh anyway I'm going to drop the background of Ovie that i have up on artfight :3c

Backstory: They were the first attempt at an angelic robot. Their purpose was to send out angels for blessings, reprimanding, and everything in between. They managed angels for a relatively short time, around 200~ years. Something higher up decided Ovie was not doing enough and replaced them, but spared Ovie with their "grace". Ovie wanders the realms purposeless and looking for new experiences. They experiment with clothing, with cosmetics, with substances, searching for anything to define themself after losing their purpose. Eventually years of neglect caught up with them, and they were infected with malware. Their thoughts can slip out as a physically manifesting pop-up. 

Fun anecdotes: The Gold mantle was repurposed from their old outfit and is sentient, likes to gnaw on cloth. Its eyes can be changed, it's just having fun doing whatever. Mantle can't speak, but he blinks to Ovie in binary to communicate. Mantle is not attached to Ovies' clothes permanently, so they clamp on whatever Ovie is wearing. Mantle and Ovie are great friends, but will spend time away from each other if they want.

On both sides of Ovie's monitor they placed a handmade sticker of angel wings. They always admired angel's wings and desperately want some; "this works I guess...".

The I [Heart] TV IS a reference to Deltarune (You might notice a nother idonoooo🤤) Ovie got a tattoo of a computer mouse, they never had a computer mouse attached, as the first angelic computer was not designed to be controlled. They didn't enjoy getting a tattoo, but enjoyed learning they didn't like getting a tattoo.

Their skin is a soft plastic texture and they work hard to keep it like that.