rm

It’s been a while. 

I was not posting for the past couple of days, because I’ve been so busy about academic stuff but now I am free. We have an online classes break for the whole week, which is so gooooooood. 

Last week, I took 16 personalities (MBTI) test. I got INFJ -- Advocate, one of the rarest personality. I was fascinated how accurate is the description to my personality. But as we all know personality test are not 100% accurate --- but they all make sense. I must say out of all the personality test I took that is the closest one that I can relate myself. 

I tend to enjoy spending my time alone --- a lot. I do really enjoy my own company. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with other people too especially with my close friends and family. But I guess we are all different. 

I’ll make this update short because, why not? 

Drink your water always! (even if I am always dehydrated --- please don’t follow me!)

Through my life I have never experienced being one of the exceptional student in class. Okay let us not include that part of my life wherein I was rank one in our class when I was in 10th grade that is not counted. I have never acknowledge myself as one of the top performing student in class. I just feel like I am lacking in many areas which makes me unworthy to be called “intelligent” or what ever. 

Right now I am suppose to be reviewing for my finals tomorrow, but here I am writing these weird thoughts as if my life depends on it. I think this is what you get when you refuse to let out your thoughts to other people. It’s weird because I feel like they wouldn’t even bother to listen with my sentiments because even me, I am getting tired of myself. Every single day I always get a lot of reasons why I need to be disappointed about myself.

I have never imagine myself getting frustrated about my grades and academic performance. For the past years of my life I feel like everything is blur. I cannot even think of memorable event in my life for the past two years. I think I lost myself somewhere and I have no idea where to find it. I envy those people who are growing and happy about their life. Take a look at me? I have no idea what the hell is going on? I always say to myself that my turning point and plot twist in life will happen soon, but deep inside I am really anxious. What if that ‘soon’ never happen? What if I am just fooling myself? Future is driving me nuts. 

CARPE DIEM means seize the day. I always love to read that phrase, but I have never really done that. My day wouldn’t end without thinking of uncertainties. I feel like I am gonna explode anytime. 

Writing my first post. 

I don’t know what to write to be honest. I just created this account with this thought in my mind, “I should start blogging.” But now that I am here I am speechless its like I am unable to speak or something. Its weird because when I was creating this account I have so many thoughts in my mind and I want to let them all out. What now?

To be honest, I feel so exhausted these days --- it’s different type of exhaustion because this time it’s real, you all are probably wondering why am I exhausted? Well, I am almost 18 and its scary how things I have imagined when I was 15 didn’t come out the way that I wanted. I have never imagined myself being like this. 

I know what you all are thinking --- yes, I am a dramatic teenager. *sighs* It never stumbled in my mind that this bridge way of becoming adult is something really heavy. Yeah I know some of you would say I am too young for this type of thinking but sooner or later I am gonna get in this part anyway. I am just speeding up the process.