Spotify Wrapped! Send me a number from 1-100 for a starter based on a song, or a lyric from it, or send a ๐ for me to shuffle!
Song chosen: Ghosts by Pvris
ย "I've always dreamed, that my life could be like a fairy tale, a perfect fantasy. But it was nothing more than a dream."
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She didn't have dreams anymore.
Dreams disappointed her time and time again, reminding her that no matter how hard she worked, it didn't matter.
No matter how hard she loved, it wasn't enough. No matter how kind and caring she was, it wouldn't get her her Happily Ever After.
Stripped from her home, her chance at a happy ending, and thrown onto a ship like forgotten cargo; she had no choice but to learn to live away from a life she'd always known. Away from her friends and the prince who wanted to marry her, only to be put under a spell by her wicked stepmother.
The prince never came for her. He never woke up from that magic spell, believing that it was her stepsister he danced with that night.
Her dreams died on that ship, and years later, her light flickered like a candle wick far too burned out. The villain had won and successfully broke her.
Yet, through the pain and bitterness, there was one entity who still believed in her.
He often stood at the foot of her bed, willing her to stand up and fight for what she believed in. Like the way he believed in her; in this impossible love that he trusted was still inside of her.
Each night, she begged him to leave her alone, pulling the sheets up to her shoulders to hide her face, to hide her anguish whenever she thought she was alone.
She was tired. So very tired.
Her lips parted, a breath escaping her when she felt his presence materialize like an apparition standing before her; a twisted version of the night her Fairy Godmother came to her. But he wasn't an apparition at all nor was he the woman who aided her long ago. No. Not at all like the ghosts that thrived in her head.
โฌ โช "I'm the one with the ghosts in my bed
But they only come alive at night
Stuck in my sheets, an accustomed coffin..." โฌ โช
It was strange, still having the marrow to sing the words that bled from her heart. She thought the music in her soul had dried up, and the melody disappeared, yet she found the words pouring out of her like a mantra she was begging for this apparition to understand. Simply speaking wasn't enough, so the melody carried into a saddened ballad. She didn't look at him, but she could feel his presence. A darkness she wished would swallow her up, snuffing out the little light she had left.
โฌ โช"I swear that I'll be fine
I'll be fine in the daylight..." โฌ โช
She tried to encourage him to leave by suggesting that she would be fine in the morning. When the sun rose, she would smile, do her duties for her new master, and pretend like she wasn't dying inside. It was the same repeated task every single day, helping with the numbness inside of her, helping her to forget.
She knew the truth though, and she knew that this apparition knew it too. These words, she didn't sing from her lips, but from her heart instead.
If I change, I start to fade
And all the blue in my eyes desaturate
It's my head not my heart that's strayed
I'm sorry I keep pushing you away
Deep down. Somewhere in the light still inside her, she wanted to believe. She wanted to follow the apparition's lead and trust him. Indeed, it was her head that had strayed and not her heart. Perhaps a part of her wanted him to prove that he wasn't going to abandon her. She didn't want to push him away, but that was the product of her sadness, whispering to her of her failures.
Lifting her head, she turned to look at him. Drinking in those yellow hues staring back at her, it was strange to think that those eyes didn't frighten her anymore. Not after the many nights he stubbornly came back to her, hoping to ease his way into her heart time and time again.
โฌ โช"You're the one at the foot of my bed, trying to keep me alive at night." โฌ โช She whispered as if asking him why he was here. Every time, it was the same answer...
He sang in return, following her melancholy melody, โฌ โช "Using my words as a comforter, I said, "I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna fight.." โฌ โช As though reminding her that he was here, not as a bringer of death and destruction, but as a being of hope, and perhaps, even love.
Her arms wrapped around herself, whimpering, eyes shut tight. She didn't want to fight either, and yet, she didn't want to hear his encouragement. Not when she was so tried of hurting. It was so confusing, and it was that confusion that made her wish he would leave her alone. Even though she didn't want to be.
โฌ โช"But they, they sink into my skin
Pushing you out just to make their way in
I've grown sick of this fight so frequent" โฌ โช
She sat up, glaring back at him.
โฌ โช"If you can't help it then I'll push you away"โฌ โช
โฌ โช"Why can't I stay?" โฌ โช He retorted from the darkness wisping before her, entangling at the foot of her bed.
โฌ โช"I'm up against these things I can't see." โฌ โชShe hissed back, tears enveloping her burning gaze. But she knew it was a lie. In the darkness, she could see the glowing eyes of her step-family, mocking her with their sneers and taunting laughs. Their judgmental gaze glowed white -- soullessly -- unlike the golden hues of the apparition willing her to look away from them.
โฌ โช"They don't compare." โฌ โช He encouraged her to keep her eyes on him, a wisp of darkness cupping her chin, turning her gaze back on him.
โฌ โช"Make me believe, make me believe..." โฌ โช She whimpered, tears streaming down her haggard appearance. She wanted him to keep trying. She didn't want to be alone anymore. Somewhere inside of her, she could feel the way he chiseled at her heart each night. She prayed that if he kept trying, she would eventually believe him.
โฌ โช"Why can't I stay?" โฌ โช He asked again.
โฌ โช "I'm up against these things I can't see."โฌ โช She replied once more. The vision of her stepfamily loomed ever closer, threatening to strangle her with their aura.
โฌ โช"They don't compare." โฌ โช His voice was gentle, soft. Inviting her to keep looking at him.
โฌ โช"Make me believe, make me believe..." โฌ โชShe closed her eyes, It was too much. โฌ โช"Make me believe, make me believe..." โฌ โช
She felt his clawed hand upon her cheek and she leaned into it. The first touch of kindness she'd experienced in a long time.
โฌ โช"I'm sorry I keep pushing..." โฌ โช
The vision of her stepfamily seemed to grow bigger at the wake of her frail apology, sensing her weakness. Climbing up the walls of her small broom closet, as though urged by her bitterness and hatred, by her unwillingness to listen to the Shadow before her, their mocking continued ringing in her ears;
'HAH! Dancing with the prince?'
'I'd be honored, Your Highness. Would you mind holding my broom?'
Laughter ensued around them.
'And don't forget the garden. Then scrub the terrace, sweep the halls and the stairs, clean the chimneys. And of course there's the mending and the sewing and the laundryโฆ'
The voice of her stepmother was enough to clutch her head tight, pulling away from the shadow. Covering her ears with her palms to drown out the noise, her teeth grinded and she curled into herself.
โฌ โช"I'm sorry I keep pushing..." โฌ โช
The three voices of her family loomed over her, โฌ โช "yea" โฌ โช
โฌ โช"I'm sorry I keep pushing..."โฌ โช
The continued mocking, โฌ โช"I'm sorry I keep pushing..."โฌ โช with laughter echoing around her, the strength in their mockery and darkness pushing Shadow every further away from her.
Until she couldn't take it anymore. Eyes widening, she cried out, wailing as the darkness around her shot out like bullets to pierce anything and anyone around her, materializing from her very soul. The visions of her stepfamily turned on the apparition wanting to help her, to save her, but in turn, her own demons began to attack. Like a system shutdown hellbent on protecting her from seeing the light beyond her own grievances. It saw the Shadow as a virus and was determined to rectify him for her own protection.
โฌ โชNow you're up against the ghosts in my head!"โฌ โช She cried out, sobbing.
Her family continued their vicious mockery, โฌ โช "your head."โฌ โช
โฌ โช"I'm sorry I keep pushing
Now you're up against the ghosts in my head!" โฌ โช
โฌ โช"your head."โฌ โช They laughed.
She was wailing, as though everything bottled up inside of her had unleashed itself in waves like a torrential sea wanting to destroy anything who tried to tread its waters.
Until she felt a hand grab her wrist, snapping her out of her meltdown. Like a spell had been broken, the three demons that materialized burst into wisps of darkness, freeing her from their chains. For now.
She gasped, blurred vision wide and startled as she lifted her gaze, looking back up into the glowing golden eyes of the creature. She was panting, trying to catch her breath, gaze imploring and confused. Wondering why he was still willing to fight for her.
โฌ โช"Why can't I stay?"โฌ โช He asked once more. This time, more determined to get through to her.
His tone was all she needed to know she was safe, that he wasn't giving up on her. In that moment, Her expression crumbled and she sobbed, falling into the creature's chest, finally giving in.
โฌ โช"Make me believe, make me believe..."โฌ โช
She was tired. So very tired.
But, oh... how she wished to believe in her dreams once more.