Pencils

It's so hard to put my phone down because what will I do then? I envy people who fall asleep easily, those who literally fall asleep as soon as they lay their head in the pillow. I dread the time spent between having placed the phone down and having slept. What do you do once you close your eyes, just waiting for sleep to consume you? How do you not think for a single second?

You stay awake ate 1:30 am, finally letting go of all the thoughts and anxiety you've been suppressing for a while. You can choose to cry, or you can choose to sleep.

Ang dami ko pala drafts dito!!! Di ko natapos basahin pero miss ko na magsulat nang ganito :((( at ang hahaba pa ng iba hndi ko na maalala na may ganito ako willingness to write. Ahhhh miss ko na ang dating ako :(

Everything's moving so fast, but hi 😊 I hope you're here to not hurt me.

I am back here. I guess tumblr has always been the comfort zone of my thoughts. And I have a lot of thoughts lately because - though I had been denying, suppressing this for so long -  I am in love.

Someday I'll write a book. A compilation of all the writings I had since before. A collection of all the laughters I had with people, of all the tears I shed for boys, of all the emotions those movies ripped out of me, of all the rainy days when I only had a pen and a paper as my company. Someday I'll write. But I may also not. Because maybe I wouldn't have to write my thoughts down. Maybe someday someone would be there to listen to my spur-of-the-moment thoughts and laugh with me and take me to places I would never have thought, and I wouldnt think of writing anymore because the reality is better than the fantasies in my head. Maybe someday someone would hold my hand on a rainy day and sip coffee with me and there would be no extra hand for a pen and a paper anymore. Someday maybe I'd give up the fame and the world to stay with him for a late night conversation and walk in that little town plaza and gaze at the skies on a cold September night when everybody else is warm and safe under their roofs. Maybe this would be the last writing because who knows? And I would never have my book. But then I'm letting go of all the crisp pages of my very own writings if it means making real the forever the hopeless romantics yearn for. I'd love that. Maybe someday.

I missed tumblr. I want to stay here indefinitely but.. I had to test for imparment periodically.

hoy. 'gwapo mo ❤ hahah

If I were to choose between someone I love and someone who loves me, I would choose someone who loves me.. because I know the feeling of not being loved back.

Sometimes I wonder if I am right in allowing fate to decide for me. I always have this notion that if I and someone are meant for each other, we will find our ways back towards each other. I don't know if I should still believe this, or if should do something now. I saw him across hundreds of people in the quadrangle. I don't know him but I want to. I just thought that if we were meant for each other, we would find each other someday. Maybe in the grocery store as I reach for a pink toothbrush that caught my eye, or in bus stop on my way home and him on his way to a two-week vacation, or in an inter company conference. But what if we won't? Maybe someone else is meant for me, and I'll be better with him, but should i leave everything to maybe's? I get tired thinking all the what ifs sometimes. But the day had passed, that moment with him had passed, and here I am, typing my thoughts and my maybe's in this blog. I still ended up with fate.