So she sighs, and she burns with desperation,
Learns to cry over love of constellations.
- Sara Barelleis, Casseiopia
Brittany, she/her.
Mostly here to keep track of stories and to share my own again. I thought I left this site years ago and yet... here we are. This place always seems to pull us back in, doesn't it?
Look, I'm not gonna pretend I don't have some issues with both, but... my god, the RWRB trailer and Speak Now TV both coming out in the same day has brought me more joy than I've felt... probably all year. I've felt more me today than I have in months. Like taking a deep breath again.
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A tiny update: Over 1,000 words exist for this now.
I know that is a tiny, tiny amount. Believe me, I know. But... Iâve barely been able to write more than a sentence or two at a time for months and months now, so Iâm... I donât know, Iâm trying not to think too much about it or question it too much and just enjoy the process of trying to find my voice again.
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Rules: pick any ten six of your fics, scroll to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag ten people.
Tagged by @indomitable-love, thank you!
So, look... I donât have 10 standalone fics yet, Iâm sorry! I only have 6 individually posted works on ao3, and only two of those are one-shots. So instead Iâm going to post a line from the midpoint of the two standalones, and then find a line from the midpoint of the middle-posted chapter (or closest to it that I can get) of any of the one-shot compilations or multi-chaptered fics, if that works?
Nobodyâs here to tell me no, so Iâm taking the silence as a yes. Shhh.
 Something Precious Saved (T)
Bea rings him up one dreary December morning to ask Alex if heâll grab an old picture of her and Henry and Philip with their parents, one she swears is in a photo album Henry took with him when he moved, and email it to her - something she needs for a planned Christmas present for all of them - and as he gingerly cracks open the delicate album, a colorful stack of paper flutters to their study floor.
If he accidentally hangs up on Bea in his excitement, well⌠heâll call her back later to apologize and explain.
Call It Hope (T)
âYou⌠forgot,â Ellen repeats, slowly and monotonously, trying to make the word make sense. The glance between the two boys doesnât pass unnoticed by her, and she looks between the two of them like she might miraculously pull some sort of answer or explanation out of the thin air. âAfter almost five years of being a public figure, you forgot? You couldnât even tell your sister you were running off?â
Alex opens and closes his mouth in the start of an explanation multiple times, but nothing manages to come out.
A Love Letter to Love (T)
[Chapter 10: Death By A Thousand Cuts]
Philip sighs and gestures weakly to the room. âCan I at least come in and sit down first?â
Henry falls silent, half expecting someone else to chime in with an opinion, but the other three are all quiet, seemingly leaving the decision up to him. The bitter part of him wants to slam the door in his brotherâs face, tell him that any effort he thinks heâs going to make here is all too little too late, make some part of him hurt - even if just for a moment - the way Henry himself has for years now.
But.
[From The Vault] (T)
[Chapter 2: Thanksgiving, 2022]
âNo shame in finding comfort in the company of your person,â Leo chimes in in agreement, giving Ellenâs hand a squeeze. He turns to give her a soft smile, something so intimate that for a moment, Henry feels entirely like heâs intruding. He averts his gaze, taking another bite of the cookie in his hand.
After a moment, when neither of them prompts him further and heâs finished an entire cookie through nervous nibbles, Henry quietly asks, âHow did you know you were it for each other?â
I canât match you for prose (T)
[Chapter 11: Week Four: Redo]
Henry sets the pan atop the stove, where six thoroughly ruined cupcakes sit - caved in, unrisen, and nothing like the picture from the recipe heâd printed. Heâs trying to understand where they went wrong (did they forget the baking powder in their rush? Or overmix them?) when he hears the tiny sniffle.
He spins around, crouching down to their daughterâs level before she can really start crying.
when Iâm away from you (I miss your touch) (T)
[Chapter 4: Headache]
He trips over his own feet twice on the way through to the en suite bathroom, as if his body knows that every step taken away from Alex is somehow wrong. Once he finally stumbles into the room, he locks the door behind himself before he can give in to the temptation to immediately turn around and head back to him.
Itâs time, he realizes, to face the music.
I never know who to tag in these things, especially when itâs been 10+ days since I was tagged in the first place, so if youâve already been tagged or already done it, feel free to tell me to shove off, haha. @adinarj @actual-sleeping-beautyÂ
June and Bea want nothing more than to protect their little brothers. Here are 5 times the sisters were there for their brothers, and one time the boys were there for their sisters.
Rated: T (but a light T; could be G)
Chapters: 6
Pairings: Alex & June; Henry & Bea; Alex/Henry; June/Nora
Tags: big sisters love of our lives, Brother-Sister Relationships, Nora and Pez show up in Ch 5, Ellen and Oscar also make brief appearances, Philip will also show up, but f him, 5+1 Things, JUNE AND BEA ARE THE BEST BIG SISTERS EVER, Fluff and Angst, But family angst, nothing that's not canon
Read on Ao3
Updates on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapter 3 of 6 going up tomorrow, Dec 1!
A birthday gift for @soshesighs whose birthday was last Thursday, Nov 24.
(I am very late in reblogging this because I just... havenât touched my tumblr much, honestly, but this is complete now, so it works out a bit in a way!)
But Adina wrote me a story for my birthday about big sisters June and Bea looking out for their little brothers (and one time the tables were turned!) and the two of us have spent the better part of the last year or so of friendship yelling about BIG SISTERS JUNE AND BEA, LOVES OF OUR LIVES and she turned that into this and when I tell you I almost cried several times!!!!! I am not exaggerating!!!!!
It truly is the most lovely of presents and I have thoroughly loved every last second of the process of reading it, so please, please go enjoy it for yourselves. Itâs a ridiculously sweet story, and Iâm honored to have gotten it as a gift. <3
Itâs so cool. I mean, not in that sheâs going through something so hard and doesnât have the answers or relief that she wants, but just... I donât know, itâs so refreshing. Thereâs this one line in one of the songs especially that's almost yelled comparatively to how the rest of the song is sung (âIâm sick of hearing that Iâll be fineâ) and yeah, that. Itâs one of the most frustrating and depressing things about chronic migraines (to relate it to my own issues) in particular. One of the leading causes of disability worldwide (second or third highest, depending on where you get the statistics from!) and thereâs so little known about it and so little research devoted to it because a) it affects women more than men, which unfortunately naturally means less money involved and b) itâs not terminal, which means little need in the eyes of many to understand it or find a cure. So youâre just told stuff like âwell, on the plus side, it wonât kill you!â Fair point, just feels like it might sometimes, and I guess weâre supposed to just live with that?Â
Anyway, this became a huge rant, Iâm very sorry, thatâs not what I intended, haha. tl;dr - the music is great and it makes me feel very seen and understood and Iâm always grateful for more people who openly share their experiences with chronic pain or illness because too much of it is invisible so I think this is just really cool.
I found an artist who has a couple of songs about what it feels like getting diagnosed with and fighting through chronic pain/illness, and itâs... so refreshing, feeling this seen and understood. Especially appreciating it right now, days after one of my worst flare-ups in a really, really long time.
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idk if this is a young fan thing or new fandom culture but some of yall think fics are abandoned way too quickly. a few months or a year or two is not unusual to go without a fic update. sometimes fics take longer to write, other times writers have rl events, or maybe there's multiple fics and one gets more priority. there are tons of reasons for fics not to be updated every week or every month. it also isn't uncommon for people to come back and update fics after a number of yearsâive read updates that took five, or ten years. people's lives change, but they still want to tell their stories. personally, i never consider a fic abandoned unless the author has said so; though if it's been a few years i manage my expectations. but a last update being a year ago is... generally not a sign that a writer has abandoned their fic
I currently have a migraine, so this may not be the most coherent, but what frustrates me so much is that people who donât get them donât have any concept of what a migraine is.
like, itâs not just a headache, or even just a bad headache. I mean thatâs part of it, yeah. My head fucking hurts right now. But I have a pretty damn good pain tolerance and thatâs not whatâs stopping me from being functional right now.
thereâs the light sensitivity, which make everything too bright and makes turning the kitchen light on nauseating and dizzying. Thereâs the nausea - I lucked out and barely get this one, but to some people itâs completely debilitating. And then thereâs the weird shit.
Aura is a catch-all term for a number of sensory disturbances that happen before or during a migraine. The most common are visual disturbances - seeing flashing lights, losing part of your field of vision, that kind of fun stuff. I get a type of sensory aura in my face - the right half goes kind of numb/tingly/cramping all at once. (If that sounds like a stroke, itâs because migraine and stroke are sort of related, and if you start experiencing this kinda stuff with no prior history of migraine itâs a good idea to go to a doctor.)
other fun stuff! Thereâs the fatigue thatâs so bad that sometimes I can barely walk to my bathroom without collapsing. Thereâs the confusion and brain fog and inability to focus. Thereâs the sensitivity to sound and movement and even smells. Fun fact, nausea + smell/taste sensitivity make eating during a migraine fucking hard, which really doesnât help anything. I also get aphasia, which makes speaking and being understood a fucking nightmare sometimes. And thereâs all sorts of other weird symptoms that I canât think of that other people get too!
I donât know why Iâm sharing all this. Okay, I do, Iâm in pain and mad about it. Iâm tired of not being understood. Iâm tired of being expected to work or go to school like everythingâs fine. Iâm tired of being treated like Iâm exaggerating to cheat some sort of system. Iâm tired and Iâm mad and Iâm scared and at this point itâs rant or absolutely fucking lose it.
So yeah, a brief and very single-perspective migraine crash course, brought to you by my burnt out brain and that time in high school where I had migraines all day, every day, for about a year and a half. Whee.
The rumours are true. Well, the good ones are, anyway. Netflix is delighted and thrilled that so many of you, all over the world, have been watching and loving Sandman, which means that the thing we were all hoping would happen...? Well, it's happened...
the tag challenge: hype in a fun way one of your works that you think deserves more attention, add a comment youâve received on it (if you want to!) and keep the promote-your-fic chain going! ⥠self-rec incoming.
I'm still tagging @soshesighs because I use her template every time I post one of these.
Sisterhood
Martha would love to be close with her sister-in-law Bea but all Bea ever talks about is her friend June.
Or 5 times Martha is jealous of Beaâs sisterhood with June and 1 time she is sisters with Bea
This story was a random line or two on my "idea dump" doc and then @shippingspree happened and once I confirmed that "ship" didn't have to be romantic/sexual (it could be familial/platonic), I let the idea take shape.
This is from Martha's POV (you know, Philip's wife, in case you forgot who she is), and it explores her relationship (or lack thereof) with Bea. Bea, however, is thriving now that she has a "sister" in June. We really delve into Martha's head and how she views all the other characters, as well as snippets into her background.
This story happens over a period of time, from September 2021 (almost a year after the book ends) until June 2024.
Is there any Henry & Alex in there? They're not the main focus (as is the point), but they are in the background! Bea comments about how her brothers include Alex, June is "practically family," and in part 5, the boys are in London for a special family event.
Memorable Lines
Bea snorts, and Martha admires how comfortable she is.Â
She knows that Philip has a strained relationship with his siblings, but he's trying to work on that. He confessed to her that he occasionally wishes it were different, that they were closer.
Martha doesnât think June is practically family, to anyone but Henry, who isn't even here that often anymore. She knows Bea is close friends with her, but that shouldnât have any effect on Martha. Either way, she doesnât need Juneâs help to write her speech, especially about her own bloody foundation.
Even at her wedding, after the cake had been destroyed, her mother came up to her and quietly said, âAt least now you wonât have to worry about how much cake to eat.â
. Itâs a screenshot of a Facetime conversation of Bea in a small corner, and a picture of June laughing filling the screen. The caption states âOverdue FaceTime catch up with my favourite sister!â  Martha feels something in her twist.
When Bea returns, she steals Philipâs seat next to Martha, forcing him to move. "It's very nice that you're letting Alex be so involved in this," she remarks. "And you called him 'uncle'."
âWhat I mean is, Iâve known for my entire life that I was to be a mother at some point,â Martha admits. âIt was never a choice. Especially once Philip and I were serious, I knew what was expected of me. Donât get me wrong,â she adds hastily, âI love Ellie, much more than I ever thought possible. But I never really thought about whether or not I wanted it.â
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the tag challenge: hype in a fun way one of your works that you think deserves more attention, add a comment youâve received on it (if you want to!) and keep the promote-your-fic chain going! ⥠self-rec incoming.
@soshesighs tagged me ages ago on this, and I've had it open trying to decide how to go about this, which story/series to recommend, and if I should do it at all.
Technically, this is a series, though each story does stand alone (with the slight exception of a recurring OC).
This series follows Nora as she celebrates the Jewish holidays. In this series, Nora and June are living together, and they often hang out with Alex and Henry. Nora enjoys sharing her holidays with her friends, and teaching them about her traditions. Yes, I have Nora educate June and her other non-Jewish friends on what each holiday consists of, but also, it's fun. There's some sexy times with June (PG-13), and friendship between the four of them as well as the Super Six (Bea and Pez show up in Chanukah and also in the Passover story: Super Six Seder.) Also, Nora has a unique perspective on the stories and the traditions.
I just think this series doesn't get enough love. I know it's kinda niche, and I think maybe some people would think "ew, religion" but it doesn't drive home the belief part of religion, just the traditions. Nora shares her holidays with her friends because it's a part of her.
Things you can expect: Nora's wit, banter, making fun of Alex in a loving way, some innuendo, Junora and FirstPrince being adorable couples, Pez being ridiculously good at everything and a complete flirt. Big sisters June and Bea being the best big sisters ever, even when they tease their brothers.
"Nora and Chanukah" features two chapters (of eight total - get it??) of Nora being home in Vermont with Reilly and Rebecca, her lesbian moms parents, which is so unusual in this fandom that I don't think they show up as actual characters in any other stories. Stan Nora's moms!
New story in this series! Nora and Sukkot - Nora enlists June plus Alex & Henry to help her build an official government sukkah at the Vice President's Residence (AKA where her grandparents live) for the Jewish holiday Sukkot in the fall. It's a fun afternoon with four rich kids trying to put together a temporary shelter and trying to figure out what they're doing as they go along.
Also - the recurring OC I mentioned earlier? Her name is Becca and she's back for the sukkah building party!
Memorable lines:
âOh, we have a kit!â Nora assures everyone. âItâll come with instructions and itâs basically IKEA furniture⌠if IKEA had a Judaica line.â fun fact: IKEA in Israel actually does have a sukkah kit, which I found out after I wrote this.
"Is my logic rubbing off on you?" Nora grins.
"Well, if that's what you want to call it, sure," June teases back.
Fall is a magical time; itâs back-to-school, the holidays, and the oppressive summer humidity breaks for more than a day or two at a time and the weather is crisp enough to wear a jacket or flannel.Â
âAlexander Gabriel, if you make that dirty, I swear, I will kick you out of this building party!â warns June.
Her girlfriend has this way about her, intuitively knowing what each person around her needs. Itâs one of the things she loves most about June â that and the wicked gleam she gets in her eye that most people donât notice. The dichotomy of June. Her favorite person.
Friends with benefits as a term is wasted on fuck buddies when it could be used to describe being friends with fanfic authors who let you read the next chapter before it gets posted