.

i think about the few people that love me and they are the only thing that keeps me from drowning

i’m so afraid of dissapointing them, so afraid, i shake of fear

i want to cry everywhere, which is something so strange in me, i mostly never cry, and when i do, it’s mostly hidden from everything and everyone, yet today i found myself holding back the tears while i was going “home” on the bus and i cry alone in this city, in this room that i live while i’m on college, i cry because i miss so much, i hurt so much, i’m afraid and i feel so alone

most days i can’t seem to be able to hold the things that i used to

I can't stop my brain from thinking tragic shit, right now.

Please, stop.

I tried not to feel it so hard

but I did it anyways,

I am going to miss you

even when I thought that I wouldn’t

even when I didn’t want to

but I will.

I’ve been thinking,

maybe -sometimes- I wanted for you to love me

or show me a little of the love to showed to them,

too bad I never felt it.

I wish I would’ve.

Now,

I never will.

Please know that I’m trying,

I’m really trying to forgive

everything,

hopefully one day I will

because I want to,

because I hate to feel this way.

However, I’m sending you a big hug to wherever you are.

This one goes for you, blue like the sky, blue like the sea, calm like the sun, calm like the sand. Please, rise. Please, rise.

i don’t even know why,