miss thing

Hm—will this stuff kill me? Is it edible? As long as I’m not in any danger, I’ll eat whatever.

I used to be like that. But then I got food poisoning and I became very careful of what I ate. I still love food, just from a careful distance.

Fuck-have you ever heard of locking the damn door?

I never needed to lock it before! Before you people showed up, we didn't walk in on each other.

Gelatin, cornstarch, corn syrup, and sugar? Is there something else? I can’t find my sweater. I’ve got a lighter and a shit ton of newspapers.

And you know what gelatin is made out of? Animal byproducts. So, like, skin, organs, ligaments, and bones. How can you honestly sit there knowing you're eating cow hooves... how can anyone do that, really. Well, if you decide to light something on fire, just be sure to do it outside. Nobody wants this place to go up into flames.

Why not burn something? Then we could make fucking smores.

You know what marshmallows are made of right? But-- that's besides the point. Why risk safety when you can just put a light sweater on?

Dude, it’s cold in this damn house. Let’s burn something.

Have you ever thought about, I don't know, putting on more clothes?

Definitely not judging that, although you look like you’re a cougar from Queens, albeit an attractive one. Of course we know the definition of privacy, I just choose to ignore it. If you weren’t covered up I would be praising you for your amazing physique.

I am definitely far too young to be a cougar, I've still got twenty plus years before I'll ever be considered a cougar. Listen here, buddy. Flattery with get you absolutely everywhere with me.

Just asking me that proves my point. 

Uhm, no it doesn't. In no way does me taking care of my body make me pretentious. If I was saying it to brag, to impress someone, which I'm not, then maybe you could call me pretentious. But, again I'm not trying to impress anyone or brag. I'm just talking. So you can take your self-righteous attitude and kindly fuck off.

You’re right, it makes you pretentious.

Do you even know the definition of pretentious?

You do seem like the prissy type who would take the time to actually pat themselves dry. 

Taking care of my body properly does not make me prissy.

Random question but if you had a pet bull shark, what would you name it?

Dinner.

I wont make it to a bin. So I’l just vomit in front of the door so you can’t get out. Towel drying leaves your skin rough and red. Also leaves particles on you.

I'm a pretty good jumper, I'll just hop over the mess you've made so you can clean it up. That's if you actually rub your skin, which you aren't supposed to do. You're supposed to pat your skin dry.

What if I had to puke and this was the closest loo? Should I knock and wait then? I prefer being naked after a shower, you dry better. But suit yourself. 

That's when you find a trash bin and excavate your stomach there. Air drying is never as satisfying as towel drying. Your skin feels all weird and eugh.

Knocking first doesn’t mean walking in. So no, this would be your first and definitely not your last. Now put some bloody clothes on and get off your high horse. 

It so is walking in. Knock knock, I'm not going to wait for you to answer, I'm just going to walk in. Still impolite but a hell of a lot more acceptable than making your merry way into an occupied bathroom. What if I don't want to put clothes on? What if it's in my routine to stay in a bath towel for a hour after I shower? You don't know my life, so don't tell me what to do, Missy.

I’m Welsh, ffyc, rydych yn gyd yr un fath, anwybodus. If this is the first time you’ve been walked in on, you wont make it in this house. 

Potato, potahto. I have been walked in on before, plenty of times. But at least they had the common decency to knock before entering. At least then, I was prepared for someone to come in.

Woah, calm the hell down, lass. You were covered, not like I did it out of spite. Americans are so bloody sensitive. 

I'm not being sensitive and whether or not I was covered is not the issue. You Brits are clearly impolite otherwise you would have fuckin' knocked.

I know, I know. Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. 

Looks to me like you weren't thinking. If I didn't know any better, I'd say your head was completely hollow.

Well, what’s the point in debating over something that’s clearly not occurred? 

It's basically the same life lesson as treat people as you want to be treated. Walk in on people only if you want to be walked in on.