sophislover

𝓢𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒌𝒆 ? — 𝐞𝐦𝐭!𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 + 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐲

first written fic for this au yayyy!! ellie and abby bickering for 1.7k words straight. Pet names (pretty, babe), swearing, Ellie is a menace with severe adhd, reader mentioned being stressed, Abby pics reader up, fluff fluff fluff, falling asleep w the roomies :) for marie, with love :p send requests! dont be shy 🤍

𝓣he tv’s blue light shines against your face from across the living room, the loading screen appearing after many minutes of ignorance. You paid no mind to it, scrolling mindlessly through your phone underneath one of the living room throw blankets.

Your head pounds against your skull, your eyes wincing as the fluorescent screen of your phone beats into them. You had tried to close them multiple times, you really had. But no matter what you did, your body just wouldn’t cooperate. 

At 10 pm you shut down your laptop, slipping it back onto the kitchen table. You washed your face, brushed your teeth, and crawled into your own bed, something you didn't do very often. 

At 12, after two hours of tossing and turning, you begrudgingly tossed the covers off of your body, and tip-toed into the kitchen. You prepared yourself a small cup of warm tea, and let it coat your throat. You finished, rinsed out the cup, and made your way back to your room. 

At 2, you grew angry. You threw yourself out of bed, trudged into the bathroom this time, and ran a warm bubble bath. At that point, your hopes of falling asleep were growing thin, alongside your patience. You hopped in, and let the water calm your muscles for the few minutes that followed. 

You got out at three, and followed the previous routine of making your way back to your room and slipping beneath the covers. This time, you opened the window, turned off all your little lights, and did a breathing exercise. 

By four o’clock, you knew there was no hope for you. You tugged your phone off the charger and moved to the living room. It was cooler in there, so you pulled a blanket out of the basket at the end of the couch.

You pulled it over the length of your body, and began to carelessly browse the tv for show options. You clicked on the current tv show you were watching, and put it in the background. You barely paid any attention to it, instead opting to pull out your phone and switch between the same four apps that you always did. 

Eventually, time slipped away from you, and the clock was striking 7 am. Your roommates were due home soon, today was one of the off times where finished work at the same time. 

You scroll to the next TikTok. 

“Oh my god you guys, this new blush hack is changing the game!” A woman’s voice fills the silent room. The volume makes your head pound harder. You turn it down quickly, letting it sit at a solid 10. 

Scroll. 

A video of a cat cooing against their owner pops up. You smile gently, double tap the screen and scroll. 

The next video is a lesbian couple, cuddled up in a bed with a soft sound playing in the background. You roll your eyes, clicking on the favourite button and double tapping the screen. 

Your scrolling time is interrupted by the sound of the door creaking open, and two sets of boots trudging into the house. You can’t see them from here, and they can’t see you. The back of the couch is covering the majority of your body, and theirs before they step into the entry way. 

Ellie groans as she steps into the house, dropping her work bag onto the floor and leaning down to shove her shoes off of her feet. Abby does the same, stretching her back out with a light sigh. 

You shut your phone off, and push the blanket down to your knees. You sat up on your knees, laying your head along the back of the couch. “How was work?” You chirp up, your voice decently quiet.

Ellie’s head shoots up from the ground, her green eyes blown wide. Abby’s head cracks to the side so quickly you can only guess it gave her whiplash. 

“Jesus Christ.” Ellie whispers, pushing herself off the wall. Abby chuckles quietly, stretching her arms over her head and smiling. 

“Sorry, sorry!” You laugh, pushing your head back up. Abby walks into the kitchen, probably in the search of food. Ellie walks over to the couch, wrapping her arms around your neck and pulling you into a soft hug. You wrap your arms around her waist, chuckling into her shoulder. 

“Work was—work. Nothing special.” Abby finally replies from the kitchen, letting the fridge door shut behind her as she pulls a container of whatever she had prepped the previous day out from inside of it. 

“You literally fight fires.” You quip, letting go of Ellie and stepping off the couch. Abby just shrugs, and shoves her definitely not microwave safe container into the microwave. 

You and Ellie meet her in the kitchen, sliding into the space with practiced ease. 

“Why are you still up anyway?” Abby asks, moving over to the sink to wash her hands. 

Ellie pipes up next. “Yeah, the sun's already up—you should be in bed.” She slides a finger up your face, grazing your upper lip and the bottom of your nose. 

You bat her hand away and shrug, “couldn’t sleep.” Your admission causes Ellie to jut out her bottom lip, and Abby elbows her out of the way to get to the microwave. 

“How come?” Abby asks, opening the door of the appliance with the smooth click of a button. Her voice is gentle, soothing. 

“I don't know. Maybe stress.”  You answer, pulling your blanket up around you. Your head felt heavy on your shoulders, and if you were honest, you weren’t quite sure how many more words you could get out.

The sun had started seeping through the cracks in the living room and kitchen curtains, a gentle breeze flowing in the open window. Ellie’s pushing out of the way and making her way down the hall to her room. 

“Well, we should probably get you to bed then, hm?” Abby says, finally looking up at you. Her food is steaming when she pulls it out, she slides it down the counter and lets it settle. 

You nod. “Don’t know if it's even worth it. Maybe I’ll just start the day now. Try to be productive.” It was an idea that had been swirling around your head since maybe five. But truthfully, you might collapse if you have to keep your eyes open another second. 

“Nonsense. You can sleep in my room.” She places a small kiss on your forehead, and takes a seat on one of the stools that sits tucked beneath the island. You nod. 

A few seconds of silence pass before Ellie’s quietly emerging from the hallway, this time she's in pajamas and has a green toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. She leans over the counter, clearly experiencing some type of fomo. 

“Can you—” Abby swats at her, making a semi disgusted face. She throws her hands up, walking over to your side of the counter. 

“Stop drooling on me, you goblin.” You laugh, pushing her away from you almost immediately. She drops her head back, and continues brushing, right in the kitchen. 

“I’m sleeping with Abby tonight.” You state, matter of factly. Ellie drops her head back, and immediately turns around to spit her leftover toothpaste into the sink. She quickly rinses her mouth out with the tap and turns back to you. 

“Why?” She asks, walking back over to you. She plops down right next to your other roommate, who’s almost done with her meal at this point. 

“I dunno, I just felt like it.” You shrug.

”Jealous?” Abby intervenes, turning to her with a shit eating grin. The auburn headed girl lightly slaps her arm. 

“I’m coming too, then.” She smiles at you, and you nod in her direction. 

The blonde groans, you can tell she's pretending to be annoyed. “You kick hard as fuck. Stay on your side I swear.” She stands up, shoving a hand into Ellie’s face, pushing her back gently. 

“Fuck you!” Ellie shrieks, flipping her off. Abby shoves her container into the sink, and grimaces at Ellie’s mess of toothpaste. She doesn't say anything, just silently rinses out the sink. 

“Shhh!” You whisper to Ellie, the sound of her basically yelling only makes your head pound harder. “I have a headache.” 

“Sorry, pretty.” Ellie stands, “it’s probably from sleeping at odd hours, though.” She winks, sticking the tip of her tongue out form between her chapped lips. 

“I like sleeping with you more than sleeping on time.” You admit, blowing her a kiss. Her cheeks burn a light dusty pink, and she flips you off. 

“Alright, let's go.” Abby speaks up from behind you. The light flicks off, and before you’re able to slide off the counter, she's sweeping you up into her arms. 

Ellie rolls her eyes, turning around to make her way to the farthest room down the hall. “What, you wanna be carried too, Williams?” She jokes, and smiles at you when you laugh. 

You hear Ellie whisper something along the lines of die faggot, as she opens the door. Abby follows her in, dropping you onto the bed and turning around. She's still in uniform, so she grabs a pair of pajamas and makes her way to the bathroom to wash up. 

Abby's room is much much darker than the living room, thank god for blackout curtains. And the breeze from her AC keeps the place crisp. You quickly scramble beneath the sheets, tucking yourself in as Ellie falls on top of you. 

“Ellie. You’re so hot.” You say into the darkness, feeling the gumminess of her warm arm wrap around you. 

“Thanks, babe.” You can feel her smirking, her cocky ass. She knew thats not what you meant, and you didn't fight her on it. 

Ellie's breath quickly shifts from jagged and quick to slow, soft snores. You pet her hair a few times, letting her fall asleep against you. 

Abby comes back in just a few minutes later, and you’re already the closest to falling asleep you’ve been tonight. She slips beneath the sheets on the right side of you, and quickly pulls you against her chest. You hum gently into her, and Ellie only snuggles up to you more. 

“She’s a child.” Abby chuckles into your ear, wrapping her arms around your waist. 

You can barely nod, humming softly in agreement. It’s not long after that you’re falling asleep, chasing dreams of your insanely chaotic roommates. 

⟡ 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭; @letmebeurbaby , @les4elliewilliams , @seasonsofchaos , @liztreez , @andieprincessofpower , @notlinear , @zzelysian, @cinnamongirlsev , @ghostofmaxx , @frosttbitten , @kirammanss , @merquriie , @iadorefineshyt , @sophislover , @thatredheadloserlesbian , @shadowmythe , @musingsfromtheflowers , @gutturalslut , @2pleaseyou , @cherrybomb61 , @piercedome , @elliefavvs , @leilune , @sawaagyapong , @sashaaaur , @slut4elliewills , @ph4rmacyfa1rie , @cherrybomb61 , @rhian88 , @m0on1ight1 , @velvetinkbym , @thinkingabtellie . comment to be added / removed. 

──── # 1.9k ◞ ୨ৎ prettiest girl i’ve ever seen ♥︎ 🍼 ࣪ ִ jackson! ellie, sweetheart! reader, smut, praise kink, reader is relatively shy, already dating au, ellie is soft around reader only, reader is referred to as either bunny or angel, etc.

“baby,” ellie’s voice broke your concentration, mascara wand fumbling in your hand. a huff left you, a soft and cute pout coming to rest on your lips. “you don’t gotta get all dolled up just because we’re going out on patrol—“ another huff and ellie finally stopped talking. she looked up from where her hands were fiddling with her pocketknife.

cleaning it with a cloth gently. she flicked it shut as she noticed the expression written on your face. it was adorable, of course, and it made her want to kiss that makeup right off. make that mascara run down your cheeks, and smear that lipgloss right off your pretty mouth. she snorted softly, standing.

sauntering over to her girlfriend, she leaned down to look at you. squatting just beside you, she admired the side of your face as you continued applying your mascara. making sure it was the perfect amount to accentuate your lashes without looking clumpy—giving that big doe eyes affect. “i like my makeup.”

“i know sugar,” she murmured, resting her hand on your thigh; fingers grazing the edge of your white stockings. “but you take so long to get ready. some of us have got places to be.” her voice was gentle, and you knew she was right.

after all, you should have woke up earlier in order to get ready. however, you being in ellie’s warm embrace didn’t help urge your legs any more than it simply urged you to stay in bed. “can you give me just five more minutes?” you pleaded, batting your now mascara coated lashes towards her. “i just need to powder my face and then i’ll be done.”

ellie chuckled, squeezing the flesh of your thigh before standing back up fully.

“of course, bun,” she said, patting your head as she began to run her hand down in slow gentle strokes. “take your time.”

it was summer in Jackson, Wyoming. meaning that you could finally retire the thick winter jackets and pull back out your baby doll dresses—the ones you adored so much. ones that ellie always complimented you in and then completely destroyed your pussy in at night. you smirked to yourself at the thought, tugging on the dress and admiring yourself in the mirror.

your black maryjane’s matched well with it if you did say yourself. “wow, well aren’t you a sight to see?” ellie smiled, crossing her arms as she approached you from behind. her arms came to wrap around your middle, pulling you back into her as she leaned down to your neck.

“you tryna distract me or somethin’?”

“maybe.”

“well, it’s workin’,” she whispered gruffly, placing small chaste kisses to your neck, your head lolling to the side to give her further access. ellie smiled, absolutely grinning against your skin. “you shouldn’t even wear stuff like this if we’re goin’ on patrol. gotta dress protective—“ you cut her off by turning around.

wrapping your arms around her neck, you smiled softly up at your girlfriend. “you protect me,” you stated it in a mater of fact tone, “so, i don’t have to worry.”

ellie debated on your words before rolling her eyes and pressing a quick kiss to the tip of your nose.

“you’re too cute, angel,” she said softly, “always got me agreeing with your dumb logic.”

“dumb?”

she nodded, leaning in this time to press a kiss to your lips. of course you returned it, allowing your fingers to card through her short auburn strands. “yeah, dumb,” she hummed into your mouth. “but you’re right. i’ll protect my girl, don’t worry. dress how you want. you don’t gotta worry about nothin’ with me, baby doll.”

resisting the urge to push you down onto her bed and rip your clothes off, ellie simply kissed you once more before pulling back and licking her lips.

“strawberry, yeah?”

you nodded, “mhm, my favorite.”

“i know, princess,” ellie took your hand in her’s, lacing your fingers together. “let’s go.”

ellie led you to the stables, her hand in yours the entire way. receiving stares while walking through Jackson had become normal. everyone saw ellie one way or another—either was some men devil or someone who simply just didn’t care. however, you saw her in a completely different light.

warm, soft, and gentle. like basking sunlight after swimming. she was the gentle touch of summer after a harsh winter, and the feel of rain in dry grass after a drought.

everyone saw you as shy. you didn’t talk to anyone else besides ellie and her friends—occasionally making small talk when you had to, of course. other than that, you spent almost all of your time with ellie. she was your safe space, after all. she accepted your behaviors. wanting to be dolled up 24/7, and wanting to be taken care of like a pampered princess.

despite her groans about doing so, she would show that she genuinely wanted to take care of you in the way you craved. ellie liked the feeling of owning something or someone. when she got to take care of you, it was almost like she owned you in a weird way. maybe in an obsessive way?

needless to say, she liked it.

she guided shimmer out of her stall, patting the horse on the side as she shuffled her hooves against the haw strewn floor. “c’mon, babe,” she beckoned you with a wave of her hand, and you were immediately sauntering towards her.

like a moth to a flame—like a dog to its owner. tail wagging.

“let’s get you up there.” grabbing your waist, she helped hoist you onto shimmer’s saddle before following in suit. her hips pressed against you from behind, her arms coming to wrap around your waist like they had earlier. you wished you could say you had gotten used to this after the amount of times you had been on patrol with ellie.

but, you didn’t. it was always.. spine shivering and toe curling every time. she would rest her chin on your shoulder and gently guide her horse out of the barn and towards the gates, free hand cupping a handful of your thigh.

she always did this—touching you wherever and whenever. it was her sign of ownership. like a yes, i own her. no, you can’t touch her, type of deal. “y’know, you’re too pretty to be going on patrol,” she said finally, lips brushing against your ear.

“you’ll get your dress dirty if anything happens.”

“s’okay, i wanna go with you,” you replied, leaning your back against her chest. ellie hummed in content, waving to the guards on top of the wall as they hoped down to push open the gates. “i don’t like when you go out there without me.”

your girlfriend raised a brow. “do you now? how come?” she questioned.

“you know why,” a pout graced your lips again. “what if something happened to you?”

ellie simply shrugged. “my little secret isn’t so secretive anymore, but you’re worried i might die is what you’re saying, yeah?” you nodded, knowing what she was referring to. it was like your own little private moment where she acknowledged the secret she had finally let you in on just months ago.

that she was immune. it stunned you at first, of course, but she had told you as a way to ease your worries. sure, it worked at first because now you knew that if she got bit or breathed spores, she’d okay—but, that didn’t negate the fear you felt when she talked about being surprised by raiders.

she wasn’t immune to people trying to kill her. so, despite her special circumstances, you still pressed to join her on patrol. even joel, of all people, was easily agreeable. he thought it would be better if ellie had someone who knew her in and out. even if it wasn’t him.

“els, i just wanna protect you, too.” you frowned.

ellie rolled her eyes and hugged you snuggly against her. her hand roamed your thigh, “i don’t need you protectin’ me baby,” she murmured. “just need you to sit there and look pretty for me, ‘kay?”

a shiver ran up your spine as shimmer entered the green forest. the sun began to beat down warmly, creating a nice calm and serene ambience around you two. ellie’s fingers brushed against your inner thigh, toying with the skin.

she smiled.

“it’d be nice to come home from patrol and see my sweet bunny all curled up in my sheets,” she continued, imagining you in her bed with a pillow between your bare thighs. “all naked and waiting for me.” her voice practically came out as a purr against your neck.

“yeah? you want me to be like what—? a stay at home wife?” you lifted your hand and gestured to your ring finger. “i don’t see a rock, do you?”

ellie’s eyes widened as she stared at your empty finger and then she laughed. one that made her sound younger and more full of life. “where am i supposed to get a ring in a place like this?” she joked, reaching out to grab your hand. “c’mon, you’re already my pretty wife.”

you pouted, but her words made you putty in her hands. “whatever.” you murmured, rolling your eyes sarcastically; to which ellie chuckled again.

“i’m serious,” she said again, her hand leaving yours to continue its roam of your thighs. she pushed her hand beneath you dress and cupped your cunt, pressing forward on your back. with her leaning on you a little, you felt your pussy grind on her palm. “you’ll always have been and always will be my pretty wife.”

her thumb brushed against your clit, circling gently as she toyed with you. biting your bottom lip, you closed you eyes. “we’re supposed to be paying attention to our surroundings.” you reminded her. ellie smirked, pressing harder on your most sensitive area.

“i already told you that you’re too distracting.” she kissed your neck.

a ripple of warmth passed through you as you leaned your head to the side, needy shooting up your spine sharp and hard. ellie noticed the effect she was having on you, and decided to go further.

she played with the edge of your cotton underwear before sliding her fingers beneath them. the tips of her fingers met the wetness of your cunt and gently slid through your folds.

“e-els, hey—!”

“shhh,” she cooed, steering shimmer with her free hand. another slow and torturous drag, her lips moving against your neck, and her thumb against your clit. “let me take advantage of this.”

she continued her ministrations before sticking two fingers inside, beginning to pump them in and out. you sighed, biting you bottom lip to keep your moans and whimpers contained. soon enough, your body began to move on its own as she worked you.

your hips rolled, riding her fingers like you were in desperate need for release. ellie chuckled as she watched you, riding her fingers like a little horny bunny. it was adorable.

“look at you,” she laughed lightly behind you. “riding my fingers like a pretty angel.” another chaste kiss to your cheek.

she trailed down to your jaw. “needa cum, yeah? go ahead, bunny. cum for me.”

the release is sweet and imminent. crashing over you like a warm wave that made you lean back against her chest as your thighs shook.

“i should wear this more on patrol.” you murmured, smiling softly.

ellie cocked her head to the side, “oh yeah? you wanna keep teasing me?”

“i want you to keep using me.”

“bunny, i’ll use you regardless of what you’re wearing,” she murmured, “even if it’s nothing.”

some more of our favs before i go work the night shift!! (kms.) swearing, use of y/n, mentions of stripping, “angel” being used to address reader, ellies a perv insta reels.. super short :p if there’s anything specific you want to see within this au, send a request!

⟡ 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭; @letmebeurbaby , @les4elliewilliams , @seasonsofchaos , @liztreez , @andieprincessofpower , @notlinear , @zzelysian, @cinnamongirlsev , @ghostofmaxx , @frosttbitten , @kirammanss , @merquriie , @iadorefineshyt , @sophislover , @thatredheadloserlesbian , @shadowmythe , @musingsfromtheflowers , @gutturalslut , @2pleaseyou , @cherrybomb61 , @piercedome , @elliefavvs , @leilune @lonelyoutinjackson , @l0veylace , @sawaagyapong , @sashaaaur , @slut4elliewills , @ph4rmacyfa1rie , @cherrybomb61 , @rhian88 , @badbaewatch , @m0on1ight1 , @velvetinkbym , @thinkingabtellie . comment to be added / removed. 

౨ৎ loser! ellie x closeted! reader

──── # 8.6k ◞ ୨ৎ this chapter will contain major themes of homophobia / homophobic parents & a lot of angst! please be wary and take care of yourself before you read my loves ♡ ← prev. chapter | m.list | next chapter →

the town you had grown up in hadn’t changed much since you moved. when you left for university, you half expected that every time you returned something would be different. but no, nothing ever changed. it stayed the same.

the same people, the same buildings, the same nostalgic scent that reminded you of your childhood. when you stepped foot out of the airport with luggage in hand, you couldn’t determine if that scent was good or bad. if the nostalgia was good or bad.

“miss. l/n,” a man in a black suit approached you with a smile. he was your dads personal chauffeur. you had known him well and he had been serving your father since you were an early teenager. you glanced towards him, and then towards the sleek black vehicle at the curb. “it’s nice to see you again. may i take that for you?”

you don’t hesitate to let his slender fingers wrap around the handle of your suitcase. “is he—“ before you could finish your sentence, his gaze fixed on you again. he shut the trunk and shook his head rather.. sorrowfully. if the driver could admit anything, it could be that he remembered very well the amount of times he drove you to the airport with tears in your eyes.

“do not worry,” he consoled you. “your father asked me to pick you up as he got pulled into an emergency surgery.”

relief flooded your system. at least you would have another thirty minutes to yourself before you were thrown in the chaos that was your family.

he opened the door for you and you settled into the backseat of the car. your phone buzzed almost immediately with a call from ellie. you smiled to yourself, answering it quickly and holding the speaker to your ear. her voice seemed to make your cheeks flush almost instantly.

she was perched in her childhood bedroom, the sheets still the same always. because joel had an issue with cleaning apparently and despite the tough demeanor he put on, he got rather side walking into her bedroom. since ellie’s older sister—or step sister—was gone before she even graduated high school, joel and ellie grew rather close.

she turned over, “did you make it?” she asked, and you could almost the flush on her cheeks and the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. “how was the plane ride? did you get sick? was the turbulence bad?” she was full of questions. you stifled a chuckle, earning a glance from your chauffeur. he simply smiled to himself.

this time was different. there something in your eyes that told him things were starting—or had already begun—to change for you.

“you ask a lot of questions.” you murmured into the speaker.

ellie grinned to herself sheepishly. “sorry. it just feels like forever since i’ve gotten to talk to you. i miss you too much,” she replied. “i feel like my heart is beating too quick non stop.”

“you’re too cute,” you laughed, looking out the window as the town you grew up in passed you by slowly. but with her on the phone, you were no longer reminiscing on nostalgia. you were looking at the future. “the plane ride was okay.. no turbulence or anything.”

your voice grew hushed, “i miss you more. how’s it there where you are?” you could hear ellie shuffle on the other end as she sat up in her bed. she glanced around at her unchanged room.

“it’s good,” she said. “sarah’s home too. she said she’s been meaning to visit and figured spring break would be a good time since i came back.” you could practically feel her warmth through your phone, and you suddenly found yourself longing for it.

you hummed in reply. “good, i’m glad.”

there was momentary silence as ellie debated on if she wanted to ask if you were nervous or not. she knew you were probably on your way home now, and she was scared to admit that even she was nervous for you. you were about to take a very big step forward coming to terms with what you wanted your life to be like.

she was afraid your parents would make it difficult for you, and the idea of not being near you when you could possibly need her the most made ellie sick to her stomach.

“are you nervous?” she finally prodded, her voice coming off almost hesitant. you caught it quickly, and turned the question over in your head. with her, you weren’t nervous about anything. in fact, it made you feel like you could face whatever came your way with your chin held high.

but without her here, you were unsure if you’d be able to continue that. unsure if you’d be able to live up to who you wanted to be. confident and sure. everything that ellie was . “a little bit, if i’m honest,” you picked at the nail bed around your fingers.

“but.. i’m hoping that having you by my side will make this a little easier, even if we’re far apart for a bit.”

ellie’s chest ached your words. she sucked in a breath, “you remember what i told you last night don’t you?” she whispered.

“that you’ll come if i need you?”

“yes.”

you bit down on your bottom lip, “and you promise?” ellie nearly choked on an astonished laugh.

“baby, i’d do anything for you and i hope one day you realize that without me having to tell you,” she spoke gently but so sure that it made your heart beat quicker. she was so sure about you that it almost made you feel guilty. it had taken you a bit to open up and now that you had, you wanted to share everything with her.

her voice dipped, “and if they—if your parents make this hard for you, i promise you have a home here with my family, okay?”

the words she spoke made your eyes suddenly blurry. your face felt hot and you quickly fanned your eyes. you cleared your throat, and ellie sucked a breath through her teeth. she hadn’t meant to make you cry, she was just trying to be sincere. to let you know that you would always have a place to call home with her.

even if home wasn’t a physical place, it would always be her arms.

“i love you.”

she smiled to herself, “i love you more, princess. you’ll get to hear it so much more when we get back. annoyingly so.” this caused you to giggle. you were already looking forward to spending every waking moment with her.

the car pulled up to a gated home, and you immediately felt your stomach flip. taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and tried to steady your emotions.

“i’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“okay, baby. i’ll be waiting. call me no matter how late it is, i’ll answer.”

“i truly don’t deserve you.” you spoke softly.

ellie chuckled, “one day you’ll see how much you deserve.”

the line went quiet as you whispered a goodbye and slid your phone into your back pocket.

a large house came into view, a wrap around porch with a poetic swinging bench hanging off of it. it was grand and you remembered it looked a lot bigger as a child. you’d often brag about living in such a large house to all of your friends. back when you relished in your parents money instead of neglecting it. “are you okay back there, miss. l/n?” the driver spoke softly.

your eyes flickered to his, kindness laced in his hues. it was clear he was worried about you. your father wasn’t home, that much was certain, but he was the less of two evils. it was your mother you were more concerned about and her incessant obsession with your looks.

“i can continue driving around if you’d like to take a moment to collect yourself.” he murmured, wanting to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.

your hands curled in your lap. “no, it’s okay,” you replied, offering a small smile. you didn’t want to take up too much of his time. “i’m.. i’ll be alright.” of course he could hear the hesitation in your tone, but he simply nodded and lulled the car to a stop in from of the front door.

the garden was flourishing now that it was spring. your parents must have had the gardeners come nearly twice a week to keep up its grand appearance. they alway raved about having the nicest yard in the neighborhood and now thinking back to how proud you used to be too, it made you sick to your stomach.

you used to take so much pride in your parents and now, you wanted nothing to do with the pride that was pressing down on your shoulders.

the chauffeur opened the door for you and you stepped out onto the familiar brick walkway. immediately, the door flung open and your mother stepped out in her elegant afternoon dress with her usual pearl necklace lining her neckline. she was waving her finger around at one of the maids that tended to your home.

you recognized her. she was relatively new and young. replacing the maid that you had grown up with after she got too old to take care of the house properly. you still remembered the times you clung to her instead of her mother—she had always been too busy for you. too busy to be a mother or even raise you. her career was far more important than her child, obviously.

her figure was thin now, but she still looked as elegant as always. her nose turned upward as she continued to speak, suddenly finding her eyes in yours. they slotted perfectly, but no emotion ran through those hues that had become rather cold.

usually, mothers would be absolutely delighted that their child was home for the holidays or break. but your parents? they thought having these mandatory breaks was just an excuse for students to slack off. in their time in university, they told you they spent this time studying. it made you think now that they made such a perfect pair for one another.

even if you rarely saw them being affectionate. did they just pro create to make more money? was that all they saw of you? a machine that would continue their legacy and fund their lives until they died?

“ah, y/n, darling,” your mother greeted you, stepping onto the pathway with the click of her heels. she nipped at her bottom lip as she examined the clothes you had on—relaxing sweatpants and a hoodie from the plane ride over. she drew in a breath, “you should get changed dear. we’re holding a party this afternoon. dont embarrass the guests looking like that.”

she had tried to play it off as lighthearted, but it was clear there was condescending in her tone. “nice to see you too, mother.” you replied, her eyes finding yours again as she finally waved you off.

“yes, hello, dear.” she raid, taking her phone that had begun to ring and holding it up to her ear. you sucked in a breath, watching as she walked right by you and slid into the backseat of the car you had just been in a moment ago. the chauffeur set your luggage beside you, smiling softly and sadly. “i’m sorry about her, miss. l/n—“

you cut him off, side glancing in his direction. “it’s okay, don’t apologize for my parents. their etiquette needs no defense.” you muttered before grabbing your luggage and sending a small smile towards the driver. he stood back up and nodded slowly.

“well, i’m glad to see you have something that is making you happy to say the least.” he said, earning a eyebrow raise. he was clearly referring to your conversation with ellie you had earlier and your cheeks immediately reddened out of embarrassment. he chuckled, hearing you mother call for him to hurry.

still, he payed no mind to her and instead sent you a small yet playful smile. “don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” he reassured you.

once the car had taken off, the maid that had been tailing your mother earlier—stephanie—had tried to take you luggage, but you simply denied.

“please, miss, let me—“ she attempted, but you simply held your hand up. you smiled gently, “it’s okay, and please, y/n is fine. i told you that last time didn’t i?” your hues glimmered playfully. it was clear that talking about ellie had elevated you mood dramatically.

stephanie looked down at her hands nervously, “but, i should be helping you. you know, after all, i am a maid.” grabbing your luggage, you pushed the large door open and stepped into the familiar atmosphere of your childhood home. it was quiet, like always.

it had rarely been filled with giggles, even when you were a child. these walls had never known the echo of genuine laughter. it was a sad thought, but you knew that after enough time had passed, you would soon forget about this place and the people it housed.

“can i get you anything?” stephanie prodded, but you simply shook your head. “no, thank you. i’m going to head to my room.”

excusing yourself, you made your way to your room. it hasn’t changed since the last time you had been inside of it. it never did. of course your parents kept it clean and tidy, but they hardly ever invaded your space. not that they cared much about what their children were up to anyway.

they were hardly home to begin with. so, this bedroom became your safe space. a place where you could yourself without the pressure of your parents legacy. you had cherished this room all of high school. shutting the door, you ran your fingers over the silk sheets before laying back on the mattress and letting out a breath of relief.

thankfully, you’d have enough time to process how you were going to survive this week before your parents came back. it was only your first day and they were already hosting a party. one that you knew would be both extravagant and filled with people that you were expected to impress with both your knowledge and personality.

in reality, you’d didn’t want to attend. didn’t want to be a prize for your parents to flaunt around like they did with your older brothers—whom you were hardly close with. they were always off shadowing your parents or studying in their rooms. you weren’t normal siblings. you didn’t play together, didn’t eat together, and didn’t go to school together.

as boys, they were raised solely by your father. which is why he didn’t bother with you most of the time. but then again, neither did your mother. so who did you really have?

before the thoughts could sadden you further, a knock came at the door. you sat up in your bed and there appeared your older brother, jackson. five years older than you and surgical resident at your father’s hospital. the only brother you were particularly close with. even though the closeness really only applied to your age.

he peeked his head inside, “hey,” his voice was warm despite it looking as if he had been up all night. “was wondering when you’d be coming.” stepping inside, he wandered towards your bed, hair perfectly combed and styled. he took a seat, eyes finding your when you didn’t reply.

“mom and dad aren’t going to be home till tonight,” he explained slowly. “mom’s out planning the party and dad is.. well, he was in surgery, but he’s out doing something else i’m sure.” even despite your brother’s success as becoming what your parents wanted all of you to be, he still had an equal amount of resentment as you did.

his lips curled into a smile, “i missed you, kid,” he lifted his hand to ruffle your hair like he always did, but you huffed and pouted, swatting his hand away. jackson chuckled, “how’s college been? you know, mom’s been asking if i’ve talked to you lately. you’ve been dodging their calls.”

your body stiffened and you looked down at your hands in your lap.

“i haven’t been dodging them..” you muttered. “i’ve just been busy, i guess.”

he raised an eyebrow, “don’t tell me you’re roped in with some guy?”

a flush rose to your cheeks and you looked at him as if he had just said the most absurd thing in the entire world.

“what—?” you questioned, “no! i mean, it’s nothing like that. i’m not seeing a guy.” the emphasis on guy made him tilt his head in confusion. jackson may be your brother, but he didn’t know you well. then again, you didn’t know him well either. the two of you were always in constant competition as kids—as you were with all of your siblings.

the four of you, your older two off being great surgeons now, had constantly been put against one another to see who could preform the best. it was an awful test of prodigious talent from your parents, and resulted in your siblings knowing nothing of one another really. jackson pursed his lips as he nodded slowly.

he piped up at her a moment. “well, whoever it is,” he started, holding up his hand to stop you from arguing. “is lucky to have to you.” he smiled a little before reaching out to grab your hand. “i’m glad you’re home, y/n. it’s been lonely without you here, and it’s hard putting up with mom and dad on my own.”

“oh whatever, you’re like their 3rd favorite child,” you rolled your eyes playfully. jackson scoffed, “i’m literally their 3rd child, i secured that place since birth.”

the two of you laughed together, and suddenly the weight of this house didn’t feel so heavy.

your mother and father had invited as many people as they could to the party—people of all types of importance. from surgeons, to hospital owners, to investors, and lawyers. it was clear that this party was for you to be able to impress everyone and show them that mr. and mrs. l/n had a talented daughter just like your older brother’s.

you, on the other hand, was not enthusiastic. you had squeezed into a size too small elegant dress your mother had picked out. it only furthered the anxiety in your gut. the fact that you were going to have to put on a performance and pretend like you were still the perfect daughter when you no longer were.

because now, you were debating on dropping out of the medical program. it brought you no happiness, only despair. but, since it was your first night, you’d try hard to put on an act in front of everyone.

“i feel like i’m going to throw up,” you said, glancing at your phone where you had propped it up on your desk. ellie’s face was in front of the camera, admiring you from where it looked like her room back home. her eyes were glimmering and she was smiling happily. “stop looking at me like that.. i look like an uptight barbie doll.” you whined, pouting your bottom lip.

she simply chuckled, pressing her cheek to the palm of her hand. “shut up, you look gorgeous, princess.” she smiled, “what’re you all dolled up for?” sighing, you took a seat at your desk and simply stared at her face. her voice gave you a semblance of peace, but actually looking into her eyes seemed to steady and easy the anxiety.

“my parents are hosting a party,” you explained. “i guess they want me to build connections since i’m graduating soon.”

ellie nodded slowly, her lips pulling tight. “i’m guessing you don’t want to go?” her voice was gentle, and you nodded after a moment.

“i don’t want to stand there and pretend all night that i’m still their perfect little girl.”

the way you sounded right now made her want to jump through the screen and hug you tightly. but, alas, she couldn’t. so, she settled on simply humming. “you don’t have to,” she said finally, her eyes moving to yours. “don’t act. just be yourself, and have a good night. don’t.. don’t talk about school or anything, okay?”

“even if they try to force you.”

she continued.

“don’t do anything that makes you feel like you’re betraying who you are becoming.”

your ears perked up and reddened at the way she sounded. so sure, so certain, so warm and soft. you wanted to be just like her, and you slowly were. your chest tightened and all of a sudden you couldn’t wait to be back at university and in her arms. “i miss you,” you whispered, leaning closer to the camera. “how do you always know the right things to say?”

“because i’m always right.” she smirked, shrugging her shoulders. you laughed—a bright and joyous sound that made ellie’s cheeks flush and her stomach flip. she’d never get tired of hearing that laugh. she wanted to hear it for the rest of her life.

she admired you for a moment, “i miss you, too. you want me to stay up so we can call after?” her care and concern made your chest full. you wanted to nod, but you didn’t know how long you’d be.

“i’ll just tell you tomorrow, it’s okay.” you reassured her and after a beat of silence, you bit down on your bottom lip. “i wish i could kiss you right now.”

ellie’s eyes widened as your boldness, but god she admired it now. you were being so open with her. it was like she hadn’t even registered that the two of you had kissed just a few days ago. “me too,” she whispered, taking the phone in her hands and laying on her bed. “i’d kiss you all over your pretty face.”

a heat rose up your neck and coiled in your stomach.

“will you kiss me in other places?”

oh? other places? what was that—?

she blushed, laughing and hiding her face as if you had just embarrassed her. “yeah, oh my god,” she pressed her hand to her cheek. “you’re so cute, jesus. yeah, i’ll kiss you in other places, too. where would you want them?” she asked.

“on my thighs,” you said confidently, finding warmth in the way she became shy around you. when her eyes widened and her face grew brighter, you pushed a little more. “my stomach, my chest, and my neck—“

ellie squeaked, holding up her hand. “shit, shit, wait— i’m,” she stammered, “fuck, my face is too hot.” and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“it’s not funny! i’m actually going to combust—!”

the conversation is short lived when your mother opens the door. she stops abruptly, her eyes flickering between the screen and your flushed face. “did i interrupt something?” she questioned, voice turning sour. you swallowed and looked back at ellie who was now glancing at you with concern. you gave her a soft smile.

“i’ll talk to you later, yeah?” you prompted, and she nodded slowly. when you didn’t hang up with the same sweetness, she knew it was because you were more afraid with your mother in the room. she understood that completely, but the look on your face when she walked in.. how your smile fell and your mood immediately became sour.. it made her heart ache.

the call ended and you turned to stand. your mother crossed her arms, “who was that?” she questioned. you didn’t answer for a long moment, prompting her to ask again. “who was that?” her tone became nasty. “seriously, girl, don’t make me ask you again—“

“girl?” you laughed bitterly. “what a way to refer to your daughter. i have a name, mother. you remember it, don’t you?” she paused before pinching the bridge of her nose with an annoyed sigh.

pushing off the doorframe she turned to make sure your dress fit snuggly. “whoever it was, cut it out. stop letting people distract you.” she corrected, eyes flickering to yours and then back down to way her hands flattened the material. “you need not to distract yourself with silly.. feelings to whatever you’d call them.”

your hands balled at your side, but you managed to stay calm.

“you remember we want what’s best for you?”

“yes.”

“yes?”

“yes, mother.”

she gave you a small smile, but it was nothing of what a mother should normally give her daughter. it wasn’t warm, it was calculated with manipulation. “good girl,” she cooed, patting your head. “let’s go.”

the party was lively downstairs. an influx of bodies moved to glide across the marble floors and chat with one another. quickly, you grabbed a drink from one of the men walking around and gulped it down, alcohol stinging your throat. your mother threw back a glance, her eyes narrowing as you wiped your mouth.

“behave.” she mouthed, like you were some insolent child that had a temper. you sighed, holding the empty glass and following behind her towards where your father stood. he was chatting with a few older gentlemen and their wives, your brother at his side.

jackson’s eyes found yours, flashing an apologetic glance to which you responded with the raise of your glass. despite the difference between you and your siblings, you could at least bond over your mutual annoyance for your parents. when your father’s gaze set on you, he beckoned you closer with the curl of his hand.

wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he smiled proudly. a mask he often wore to try and show he had some semblance of appreciation for his children. “this is my daughter, y/n,” he said, voice gravely with age. “she’s in the medical program out in wyoming. she’ll be coming to join us after she graduates.”

what?

since when did they decide that? they hadn’t even asked you beforehand, just simply decided that you would be moving back and taking over a position at their hospital. your fingers tightened around the glass and smiled softly at the couple in front of you. trying to show that you were grateful and a good child, but you didn’t want to talk about anything along the lines of your major.

“we’re proud of her.” your father continued, squeezing your shoulder. his eyes drifted to the gentleman standing across from him. “marcus, you said your son is in town, is he not?”

the man turned, “yes, he is. why? are you finally going to let me set my son up on a date with your—“ his eyes fell on you, roaming down you figure. his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, “beautiful daughter?” your chest tightened with recoil, and you felt nausea strike deep in your stomach.

your father said nothing, though. even if he had noticed it, he wouldn’t have cared. instead, he laughed—the type of laugh that showed he had no care in the world because of his money.

“yes, yes,” he replied, “i’d like for them to go out once before she leaves again. if all goes well, we’ll be planning a wedding by the end of the week—“ the words drowned out as soon as you heard wedding. this was all becoming too much.

too many people, too many conversations, too many questions and stares. jackson noticed and immediately grabbed your wrist to excuse you two from the circle of people. “c’mon,” he said softly, guiding you towards the kitchen where only maids frequented. once in the quiet atmosphere, his eyes met yours.

“are you okay?”

“do i look okay?”

“no, you look like you’re going to vomit and if you do that, i might vomit also.”

“how are you a surgical resident if you can’t handle puke?”

“just like how you’re lying about your sexuality to our parents.”

his voice was soft, and he didn’t mean the sentence to blow as hard as it did. your slip up earlier meant that he had probably figured it out on his own. after all, you never had a boyfriend in high school and rejected every date your parents attempted to set you up on. he let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. “not that i care,” he continued. “who you date or whatever.”

“they will.”

jackson stiffened and nodded slowly, “yeah, they will.”

“what am i suppose to do? i was going to tell them at dinner sometime this week and now they’re practically planning out my god damn wedding—“ you reached for another glass on the counter and downed the alcohol with a wince.

your brother stated for a moment. “i’m not sure.” he replied. his tone was rather.. sad. neither of you knew how to combat the constant badgering of your parents, and the mere thought of having to come clean about something so.. detrimental made your heart pound far too quickly.

“do you want to tell me about her, though?” he asked after a moment.

your cheeks reddened. “her name’s ellie.” you said, avoiding eye contact. “and she.. she’s the sweetest and most loving girl i have ever met. she makes me feel—she makes me feel special. like i’m the only girl in the entire world when i’m around her.” your words came out stammered because of how bright you were turning.

“and she takes things slow with me because of how new this is for me,” your lips curled upward into a real smile. “she’s patient and takes care of me, and wants me to do what i want to do.”

jackson raises an eyebrow, “and what is it that you want to do?”

“travel.”

suddenly, your gaze was fixated on the drink in your hands. your hues were glimmering at the mere thought of traveling the entire world with her. it would be like a dream true. “you should.” his words caught you off guard but there was a playful smile on his face once you glanced to him.

“i mean, we can’t—we can’t pretend to be like this forever and if one of us could get out,” his words trailed off as he rubbed his cheek. “it should be you, after all. you’ve still got an opportunity to get out of this perfect life they care about so much.”

your eyes met his. “are you telling me i should go against everything they want me to do this week?” his lips curled upward into a mischievous grin that he hid behind his glass. he shrugged.

“take it how you’d like, sister.”

a beat passed before you took another drink and sipped it slowly this time. the idea of completely going against your parents was satisfying to say the least, but also very very scary. partially because once you did, there was no going back and you would forced to face the reality of your changing life.

but, what other choice did you have? you didn’t want to be stuck like this forever.

a maid walked in, her eyes cowering to the floor. “miss. y/n,” she said softly, voice wavering. “your mother and father are looking for you in the foyer. they would like for you to meet mr. marcus’ son.” tensing slightly, you threw a side long glance at her before returning your gaze to your brother.

“go show them.” he said, raising his glass as if he were toasting. you smirk a little, raising your glass in return.

confidence suddenly surged up your body as you brushed passed the maid, her heels clicking behind you. the two of you made your way to the foyer where your parents were waiting—a tall man with blond hair lingering by their side. his smile was wide as he spoke with your father and disgust coated your tongue.

sure, he was handsome and what not, but compared nothing to ellie. absolutely nothing could make you want someone else in the way you wanted her. not your parents constant badgering, not their attempts to set you up and marry off—nothing. with her words of encouragement earlier and your brother’s support, you finally felt like you could put your food down.

downing your drink, you handed the glass to the maid with a grin and approached the three. your mother’s gaze flickered to her, annoyance already laced in her vision as soon as she saw your demeanor. “there you are darling,” she forced a smile to her lips and stepped towards you.

“we’ve been waiting.” she said, taking your hands in her’s and guiding you to stand in front of the blond man. “this is Brock, Marcus’ boy,” she introduced you. your eyes scanned the taller man, eyebrows pulling together like you were unimpressed. “he’s been wanting to take you out for a while now—“

you cut her off, “i’m seeing someone already, mother.”

the suddenness of your words caught her off guard. her hands tightened on your wrists, the wrinkles that were prominent on her face began to contort as they pulled together. your father coughed, accidentally swallowing his drink down the wrong pipe. despite the anger that now laced your mother’s expression, she smiled again.

her nails dug into your skin, fire burning in your veins.

“since when, honey? you didn’t mention this to us.” she replied, tilting her head as if she even cared to hear an explanation. she was trying to play the doting mother that pretended to know everything about her daughter. you sighed, glancing away and then back towards her face.

your tongue clicked, “i would have told you if you had bothered to say more than 10 words to me—“ she cut you off by tugging your arm rather roughly. Brock coughed awkwardly and excused himself from the situation, which you figured he had heard enough to know he didn’t stand a chance at going on a date with you now.

your mother’s eyes followed the way he walked away and she quickly glanced to your father—who stood awkwardly to the side like he didn’t know what quite to say. after all, his daughter had just admitted that she had been seeing someone and they had no idea.

“is this about who you were on the phone with earlier?” your mother hissed, glaring at you now.

you pursed your lips angrily, “and if it is—?”

“a girl.”

the words left her lips before you could process them. you hadn’t really taken into consideration that she had possibly seen who was on your screen. you just knew she might have heard ellie’s voice, but you could have played it off as it being one of your friends. what? she didn’t want you dating someone at college but was fine marrying you off to someone you didn’t even know?

what kind of bullshit was this? “what—?” you pulled your hands from her grasp and took a step back. you had planned on walking out here and rejecting whoever they tried to set you up with, not coming out. you wanted to do that privately. not in front of every single person that worked with your parents.

“you heard me!” she replied, her voice hushed. she pointed her finger at you, “so help me god if you’re fooling around with a—a, lesbian, i’ll have you sent to a camp by the end of this week—!” she said the word like it stung her to even utter it out-loud and suddenly everything had become too loud.

lesbian—a daunting word that you hadn’t labeled yourself with, yet. you had been so caught up in enjoying the new things in your life that you hadn’t considered what would happen when your parents put the label on you when you came out.

your eyes burned as you stared at her. “so what?” you fired back. “you think your daughter can’t be perfect if she likes girls?”

“you will say no such things under this roof,” she replied, stepping closer. “do you hear me? do you know how much effort it took to raise you and your brothers? and now you’re going to repay us with becoming—a sinner?” her voice caught as she uttered it again.

your eyes widened, “raised us?” you laughed bitterly, like the thought of her even claiming to have raised you was ridiculous. “you were barely even around! i could have been dropped as a baby and you wouldn’t have even known because the only people who ever took care of me were nannie’s and maids!”

your voice was becoming louder. she hesitated on her next words, vein popping out on her forehead in anger. it was clear she wasn’t taking you serious.

“you’re going through a phase,” she muttered angrily, like she was spitting the words at your shoes. “you’ll finish college, come back here, work for your father, and marry a man.”

the next words that came out of your mouth made her recoil, “and if i don’t want that?”

there was silence between the two of you, your father standing off the side and watching it unfold. he had been nicer than your mother growing up, but he still held you to expectations that you could never reach. you didn’t know what he was thinking, but when you glanced at him momentarily, you thought you saw a flash of hurt beneath his gaze.

“then you’re no longer welcome here,” she spat, her eyes meeting yours after a long time of staring at the floor. she traced your features, lips curling in something that you could only name as disgust. “and you’re no longer my daughter.”

ellie didn’t know how long she had stayed up the next few days. she didn’t hear from you after you hung up, and she kept replaying that conversation you two had. the way you had froze up when your mother walked into the room, and the way you seemed to shrink into yourself like you were afraid.

it made her heart hurt—physically hurt. she had never felt like that before. not for anyone, but for you, anything that hurt you, her her too. she didn’t get much sleep after that, constant worry clouding her mind. her texts when through, but you didn’t answer them. she had first passed it off as you being busy, but then three days went by and she didn’t hear from you.

she was getting scared. scared that maybe something had happened and you were hurt in a place she couldn’t reach. she didn’t want to overreact and buy a plane ticket. she didn’t even know where you lived exactly, and it wasn’t like you were answering her anyway.

ellie 🕷️ : hey, sweet girl. i know you’re probably going through something and that’s why you’re not texting but please know i am here for you.

ellie 🕷️ : always.

ellie 🕷️ : i love you so much, okay? please text me and let me know you’re okay. i’m freaking out ngl. and i miss your voice.

ellie 🕷️ : whatever it is, we’ll get through it. together.

she stared at the messages, her phone screen bright in contrast to the dark room around her. seeing the delivered message beneath her text bubbles filled her with a little relief. at least you hadn’t blocked her. not that she thought you would, but it made her feel a bit better knowing that her words were at least reaching you.

and you’d read them when you were ready.

a knock came to her door a few minutes later. she sat up, hair sticking all different directions as it opened, a figure stepping into the darkness. light peered behind him, his hair salt and pepper colored, beard scruffy, and eyes kind. he smiled, “hey kiddo,” his voice came out gruff but sweet.

“you okay? noticed you uh have been kinda sad the past few days.”

ellie’s eyes shifted as she folded her legs and set her phone to the side. joel always knew when she wasn’t feeling her best, and he had been observing her closely the past few days. he noticed something was off the minute she didn’t jump up at the sound of sizzling bacon this morning. it was her favorite. he cooked it every morning she was home.

her lips pursed in thought, “not really.” joel nodded slowly, hand tightening on the doorknob.

when she arrived back home, being dropped off by her friends, he had noticed a brighter light in her eyes. she smiled wider, laughed louder, and opted into hanging out with him and sarah when she usually spent most of her free time in her room.

the two had been began watching their favorite cheesy 80s movies together again. it had been nice while it lasted, and now he was wondering what had got her so quiet.

“do you want me to get sarah?” he questioned. he wasn’t the best at.. being able to give reassurance and support, but his daughter was. she would be happy to help ellie out, but the girl didn’t seem to want to confide in her sister.

she shook her head, “no, i just—“ she cut herself off, green eyes meeting joel’s. “can i talk to you about it?” het voice sounded hesitant at first, like she was afraid he might want to listen.

“of course you can, kiddo,” he stepped inside and flipped a lamp on before taking a seat at the edge of her bed. “what’s goin’ on?” he asked in that same southern drawl that reminded her of her childhood in texas. ellie pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin there for a moment.

she wasn’t even sure where to begin. “i have a girlfriend,” she said finally, but this was no surprise to joel. they had the conversation when she was younger and he knew of her sexuality. “well, kind of— i mean, i haven’t properly asked her, but we kissed and well..” her cheeks pinked up with embarrassment. “and i know she feels the same way i do.”

her throat went dry as he listened intently, the only sound besides her voice was the slow tick of his watch. the one he always wore.

“she didn’t want to go home for spring break,” she continued, eyes finding his face. “her parents are.. super rich and not to mention very hard on her about her career and stuff and i guess i just—“ a frustrated sigh left ellie’s lips as the mere thought of them being mean to you felt her with undeniable rage.

her eyes closed. “she wanted to tell them about her.. y’know, her sexuality and stuff and now i’m just.. i’m scared that they may have said something that hurt her deeply.” her heart pounded in her chest, filling her ears as she imagined you laid up in your bed and crying while she wasn’t able to comfort you.

“she hasn’t texted me since the first night she got there, and that’s—that’s not normal,” she explained. “she said she’d call me and she hasn’t. she hasn’t read my messages, and i know she probably doesn’t want to talk to anyone, but i just want to be there for her. i just want to make her feel better.. i need to—“ joel stopped her from speaking by reaching his hand over and resting it on her knee.

his thumb rubbed soft circles on her skin. like he always did when she was kid and was crying over a stupid comic book. “it’ll be okay, kiddo,” he said, “she’ll text you when she’s ready. it must be hard to have that much pressure on her shoulders at such a young age,” his voice turned sour. “and i’m sure she’s just trying to figure out what to do next.”

ellie sniffled, not realizing she had gotten so worked up to the point where she was crying. she wiped away her tears.

“i’m just worried about her,” she whispered. “i don’t want her to be alone.”

joel’s lips curled into a frown as he watched her teary eyes. his heart constricted and he thought for a moment. he wasn’t the best at cheering his daughters up, but luckily, he was good at one thing.

he tilted his head, “do ya want bacon?”

you didn’t leave your room those days. didn’t get up from your bed unless you had to use the bathroom or to occasionally nibble on the food that the maids brought to your room. you spent most of the days staring at the wall—hollow and numb. it didn’t feel real. how a parent could so easily say that to their child.

a child they carried for nine months, birthed, and nursed. how they could easily abandon their own offspring because of the way they chose to live their life. it hurt so deeply in your body that you didn’t even think it was possible to feel this level of pain. you were never close with them, it shouldn’t hurt this much.

maybe it was that idiotic child like hope that you clung to. that maybe they wouldn’t be so harsh on you anymore, and maybe they’d come to understand that you simply wanted to do something for yourself for once. but no, that would never happen.

your mother’s words replayed over and over in your head until they stuck like glue and became the only thing that mattered.

you are no longer my daughter.

she said it with so much.. hatred, anger, and disgust. like if you indulged in the love that had encapsulated your soul, she would completely disown you. it was choosing between your family and the girl who loved you for you. it was an easy choice, but it was one that you felt you shouldn’t have to make.

it wasn’t fair.

none of this was fair. you wanted a normal family. wanted the laughter, the joy, the chaos, the arguments, everything.

your brother had attempted to reach out, but you shut him out too. you shut everyone out. the pain was too much that even speaking to anyone else would have broken the very thin layer of protection you had. if you spoke, the gates would flood and grief would overwhelm you.

you shouldn’t have to grieve people who are living. yet those same people have chosen to live a life in which you do not exist. so is it really grieving or is it accepting that you’re dead to them already?

you knew ellie had tried to text you, but you didn’t even look at your phone. not until it was 3 am on friday night, two days before you were to go back home. you saw her numerous messages—wanting to offer comfort but not wanting to be too much.

not wanting to invade your privacy.

she didn’t deserve to be ignored, you knew that. it made you feel guilty. made the gnawing feeling slowly eat you up inside. why did everything have to be so difficult? why was your life so difficult? would it always be this way? would you always be this way?

you lifted your phone to your ear after pressing the call button. it barely rang once before the sound of her breathy exhale was in your ear.

“y/n? baby? are you okay?” she questioned, concern laced in her tone. you could hear the sound of ruffling, like she was sitting up in her bed. “fuck, baby, are you alright?”

your lips pursed, “did i wake you?”

“that doesn’t matter,” ellie replied quickly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. she don’t care if you woke her up. you had called her, and she was hearing your voice after felt like an eternity. that was enough to lose sleep.

she leaned forward like she could reach out to you, “is everything okay? what happened? you can tell me if somethings wrong,” her voice was quick. “shit i don’t care if there’s only 2 days till we go back home, i’ll come and get you.”

your heart throbbed in your chest and the guilt felt worse than before. she was so sweet, so loving, so kind.

“i’m sorry.” your voice broke, arm coming to rest over your eyes as tears threatened to fall.

she shook her head quickly, “no, don’t apologize, princess. shh, it’s okay,” she cooed into the speaker. when she heard the sniffle on the other line, she felt like she was in pure agony. god, all she wanted to do was hold you. she just wanted to make you feel better in any way that she could.

“i’m here, angel. i’m here, okay? don’t apologize, everything’s okay. you didn’t do anything wrong.”

her reassurance was warm, but you still felt the ache of putting her through worry. “you didn’t deserve to be ignored,” you whispered, cracking. a tear slipped down your cheek, fat and wet as a gasp escaped your lip. you choked on air, trying to contain the pain as much as you could. “i shouldn’t—i should’ve—fuck, ellie it hurts.”

ellie’s heart leapt in her chest. she could physically feel the pain in your voice. she sucked in a breath, trying to steady herself enough so that she didn’t sound like she as giving out on the other end of the line. her hand pressed to her chest, listening to the sobs. she just wanted to scoop you into her arms.

“don’t, baby,” her voice broke too. “it’s okay, i promise. just.. just let me comfort you, please.”

you cried, “i don’t deserve it.”

“don’t say that.”

ellie’s tone turned firmer. she didn’t care if she sounded harsh at the moment. she didn’t ever want to hear those words come from your mouth again. “don’t ever say that, y/n,” she used your name. “you deserve everything, do you hear me? so much. you deserve everything. let me—god, princess, just let me love you okay?”

a moment of stillness passed.

“what if it never gets easier?”

“then it won’t.”

you were silent, but she continued. “and we’ll deal with it. together, do you hear me? you’re not going through any of this alone.”

“no?”

“no, baby. i promised you that, remember? told you that you’d have a family here, right? you have me, okay?”

your chest constricted. turning onto your side, you pulled a stuffy to your chest and nuzzled it close like it could provide the same comfort that she could. “i need you.”

“fuck, angel, i know,” her voice came out pained, no longer masking the hurt she felt for you. “i need you, too. i just want to hold you.”

you sniffled, “i’d like that. you’re warm,” a flush crept across your cheeks as you held your phone tighter. “is it weird to miss the way you smell?”

“no,” she laughed, leaning back on her mattress and staring at the ceiling. “i miss the way you smell, too.”

a long silence hung between you two as you breathed in and out evenly. ellie listened intently, finding the way you made a little noise each time you exhaled to be oddly comforting. she couldn’t wait to hear it again in person, and couldn’t wait to hold you in her arms as she watched you sleep.

she broke the silence, “i love you, princess.”

your eyes closed as you listened. her voice was comforting in a way that made you feel like you could get through anything as long as you had her.

“i love you more, ellie.”

“i can’t wait to see you.”

“me too, els.”

“two more days,” she smiled to herself, “and then i’m kissing you all over your pretty face.”

you chuckled, soft and light. “i’m holding you to it.”

୨ৎ taglist

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series ; @slutformangos @isaellie @m0on1ight1 @gglittergoddess @lilacrivers0 @trolldollxoxo @elliexbuckets @elleussy @satellitespinner @sapphic-sweetpea @aqueeriousmota @fettywhopper @liztreez @bournedientity @elliesssgf @bumasslesbian @dietmountaindewsposts @lattetw11rl @darlingcaraphernelia @xofa1th @rodysnm @l0s3rlesb0 @svndaymourning @gangsternancysinatra111 @aria1108 @slowburnsin @kingkylie7 @slut4acotar @j4bonn @sani-sunny @izastomas