run for the hills â chapter five âĽď¸
๨ৠloser! ellie x closeted! reader
ââââ # 8.6k â ŕ¨ŕ§ this chapter will contain major themes of homophobia / homophobic parents & a lot of angst! please be wary and take care of yourself before you read my loves ⥠â prev. chapter | m.list | next chapter â
the town you had grown up in hadnât changed much since you moved. when you left for university, you half expected that every time you returned something would be different. but no, nothing ever changed. it stayed the same.
the same people, the same buildings, the same nostalgic scent that reminded you of your childhood. when you stepped foot out of the airport with luggage in hand, you couldnât determine if that scent was good or bad. if the nostalgia was good or bad.
âmiss. l/n,â a man in a black suit approached you with a smile. he was your dads personal chauffeur. you had known him well and he had been serving your father since you were an early teenager. you glanced towards him, and then towards the sleek black vehicle at the curb. âitâs nice to see you again. may i take that for you?â
you donât hesitate to let his slender fingers wrap around the handle of your suitcase. âis heââ before you could finish your sentence, his gaze fixed on you again. he shut the trunk and shook his head rather.. sorrowfully. if the driver could admit anything, it could be that he remembered very well the amount of times he drove you to the airport with tears in your eyes.
âdo not worry,â he consoled you. âyour father asked me to pick you up as he got pulled into an emergency surgery.â
relief flooded your system. at least you would have another thirty minutes to yourself before you were thrown in the chaos that was your family.
he opened the door for you and you settled into the backseat of the car. your phone buzzed almost immediately with a call from ellie. you smiled to yourself, answering it quickly and holding the speaker to your ear. her voice seemed to make your cheeks flush almost instantly.
she was perched in her childhood bedroom, the sheets still the same always. because joel had an issue with cleaning apparently and despite the tough demeanor he put on, he got rather side walking into her bedroom. since ellieâs older sisterâor step sisterâwas gone before she even graduated high school, joel and ellie grew rather close.
she turned over, âdid you make it?â she asked, and you could almost the flush on her cheeks and the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. âhow was the plane ride? did you get sick? was the turbulence bad?â she was full of questions. you stifled a chuckle, earning a glance from your chauffeur. he simply smiled to himself.
this time was different. there something in your eyes that told him things were startingâor had already begunâto change for you.
âyou ask a lot of questions.â you murmured into the speaker.
ellie grinned to herself sheepishly. âsorry. it just feels like forever since iâve gotten to talk to you. i miss you too much,â she replied. âi feel like my heart is beating too quick non stop.â
âyouâre too cute,â you laughed, looking out the window as the town you grew up in passed you by slowly. but with her on the phone, you were no longer reminiscing on nostalgia. you were looking at the future. âthe plane ride was okay.. no turbulence or anything.â
your voice grew hushed, âi miss you more. howâs it there where you are?â you could hear ellie shuffle on the other end as she sat up in her bed. she glanced around at her unchanged room.
âitâs good,â she said. âsarahâs home too. she said sheâs been meaning to visit and figured spring break would be a good time since i came back.â you could practically feel her warmth through your phone, and you suddenly found yourself longing for it.
you hummed in reply. âgood, iâm glad.â
there was momentary silence as ellie debated on if she wanted to ask if you were nervous or not. she knew you were probably on your way home now, and she was scared to admit that even she was nervous for you. you were about to take a very big step forward coming to terms with what you wanted your life to be like.
she was afraid your parents would make it difficult for you, and the idea of not being near you when you could possibly need her the most made ellie sick to her stomach.
âare you nervous?â she finally prodded, her voice coming off almost hesitant. you caught it quickly, and turned the question over in your head. with her, you werenât nervous about anything. in fact, it made you feel like you could face whatever came your way with your chin held high.
but without her here, you were unsure if youâd be able to continue that. unsure if youâd be able to live up to who you wanted to be. confident and sure. everything that ellie was . âa little bit, if iâm honest,â you picked at the nail bed around your fingers.
âbut.. iâm hoping that having you by my side will make this a little easier, even if weâre far apart for a bit.â
ellieâs chest ached your words. she sucked in a breath, âyou remember what i told you last night donât you?â she whispered.
âthat youâll come if i need you?â
you bit down on your bottom lip, âand you promise?â ellie nearly choked on an astonished laugh.
âbaby, iâd do anything for you and i hope one day you realize that without me having to tell you,â she spoke gently but so sure that it made your heart beat quicker. she was so sure about you that it almost made you feel guilty. it had taken you a bit to open up and now that you had, you wanted to share everything with her.
her voice dipped, âand if theyâif your parents make this hard for you, i promise you have a home here with my family, okay?â
the words she spoke made your eyes suddenly blurry. your face felt hot and you quickly fanned your eyes. you cleared your throat, and ellie sucked a breath through her teeth. she hadnât meant to make you cry, she was just trying to be sincere. to let you know that you would always have a place to call home with her.
even if home wasnât a physical place, it would always be her arms.
she smiled to herself, âi love you more, princess. youâll get to hear it so much more when we get back. annoyingly so.â this caused you to giggle. you were already looking forward to spending every waking moment with her.
the car pulled up to a gated home, and you immediately felt your stomach flip. taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and tried to steady your emotions.
âiâll call you tonight, okay?â
âokay, baby. iâll be waiting. call me no matter how late it is, iâll answer.â
âi truly donât deserve you.â you spoke softly.
ellie chuckled, âone day youâll see how much you deserve.â
the line went quiet as you whispered a goodbye and slid your phone into your back pocket.
a large house came into view, a wrap around porch with a poetic swinging bench hanging off of it. it was grand and you remembered it looked a lot bigger as a child. youâd often brag about living in such a large house to all of your friends. back when you relished in your parents money instead of neglecting it. âare you okay back there, miss. l/n?â the driver spoke softly.
your eyes flickered to his, kindness laced in his hues. it was clear he was worried about you. your father wasnât home, that much was certain, but he was the less of two evils. it was your mother you were more concerned about and her incessant obsession with your looks.
âi can continue driving around if youâd like to take a moment to collect yourself.â he murmured, wanting to make sure you were as comfortable as possible.
your hands curled in your lap. âno, itâs okay,â you replied, offering a small smile. you didnât want to take up too much of his time. âiâm.. iâll be alright.â of course he could hear the hesitation in your tone, but he simply nodded and lulled the car to a stop in from of the front door.
the garden was flourishing now that it was spring. your parents must have had the gardeners come nearly twice a week to keep up its grand appearance. they alway raved about having the nicest yard in the neighborhood and now thinking back to how proud you used to be too, it made you sick to your stomach.
you used to take so much pride in your parents and now, you wanted nothing to do with the pride that was pressing down on your shoulders.
the chauffeur opened the door for you and you stepped out onto the familiar brick walkway. immediately, the door flung open and your mother stepped out in her elegant afternoon dress with her usual pearl necklace lining her neckline. she was waving her finger around at one of the maids that tended to your home.
you recognized her. she was relatively new and young. replacing the maid that you had grown up with after she got too old to take care of the house properly. you still remembered the times you clung to her instead of her motherâshe had always been too busy for you. too busy to be a mother or even raise you. her career was far more important than her child, obviously.
her figure was thin now, but she still looked as elegant as always. her nose turned upward as she continued to speak, suddenly finding her eyes in yours. they slotted perfectly, but no emotion ran through those hues that had become rather cold.
usually, mothers would be absolutely delighted that their child was home for the holidays or break. but your parents? they thought having these mandatory breaks was just an excuse for students to slack off. in their time in university, they told you they spent this time studying. it made you think now that they made such a perfect pair for one another.
even if you rarely saw them being affectionate. did they just pro create to make more money? was that all they saw of you? a machine that would continue their legacy and fund their lives until they died?
âah, y/n, darling,â your mother greeted you, stepping onto the pathway with the click of her heels. she nipped at her bottom lip as she examined the clothes you had onârelaxing sweatpants and a hoodie from the plane ride over. she drew in a breath, âyou should get changed dear. weâre holding a party this afternoon. dont embarrass the guests looking like that.â
she had tried to play it off as lighthearted, but it was clear there was condescending in her tone. ânice to see you too, mother.â you replied, her eyes finding yours again as she finally waved you off.
âyes, hello, dear.â she raid, taking her phone that had begun to ring and holding it up to her ear. you sucked in a breath, watching as she walked right by you and slid into the backseat of the car you had just been in a moment ago. the chauffeur set your luggage beside you, smiling softly and sadly. âiâm sorry about her, miss. l/nââ
you cut him off, side glancing in his direction. âitâs okay, donât apologize for my parents. their etiquette needs no defense.â you muttered before grabbing your luggage and sending a small smile towards the driver. he stood back up and nodded slowly.
âwell, iâm glad to see you have something that is making you happy to say the least.â he said, earning a eyebrow raise. he was clearly referring to your conversation with ellie you had earlier and your cheeks immediately reddened out of embarrassment. he chuckled, hearing you mother call for him to hurry.
still, he payed no mind to her and instead sent you a small yet playful smile. âdonât worry, your secret is safe with me.â he reassured you.
once the car had taken off, the maid that had been tailing your mother earlierâstephanieâhad tried to take you luggage, but you simply denied.
âplease, miss, let meââ she attempted, but you simply held your hand up. you smiled gently, âitâs okay, and please, y/n is fine. i told you that last time didnât i?â your hues glimmered playfully. it was clear that talking about ellie had elevated you mood dramatically.
stephanie looked down at her hands nervously, âbut, i should be helping you. you know, after all, i am a maid.â grabbing your luggage, you pushed the large door open and stepped into the familiar atmosphere of your childhood home. it was quiet, like always.
it had rarely been filled with giggles, even when you were a child. these walls had never known the echo of genuine laughter. it was a sad thought, but you knew that after enough time had passed, you would soon forget about this place and the people it housed.
âcan i get you anything?â stephanie prodded, but you simply shook your head. âno, thank you. iâm going to head to my room.â
excusing yourself, you made your way to your room. it hasnât changed since the last time you had been inside of it. it never did. of course your parents kept it clean and tidy, but they hardly ever invaded your space. not that they cared much about what their children were up to anyway.
they were hardly home to begin with. so, this bedroom became your safe space. a place where you could yourself without the pressure of your parents legacy. you had cherished this room all of high school. shutting the door, you ran your fingers over the silk sheets before laying back on the mattress and letting out a breath of relief.
thankfully, youâd have enough time to process how you were going to survive this week before your parents came back. it was only your first day and they were already hosting a party. one that you knew would be both extravagant and filled with people that you were expected to impress with both your knowledge and personality.
in reality, youâd didnât want to attend. didnât want to be a prize for your parents to flaunt around like they did with your older brothersâwhom you were hardly close with. they were always off shadowing your parents or studying in their rooms. you werenât normal siblings. you didnât play together, didnât eat together, and didnât go to school together.
as boys, they were raised solely by your father. which is why he didnât bother with you most of the time. but then again, neither did your mother. so who did you really have?
before the thoughts could sadden you further, a knock came at the door. you sat up in your bed and there appeared your older brother, jackson. five years older than you and surgical resident at your fatherâs hospital. the only brother you were particularly close with. even though the closeness really only applied to your age.
he peeked his head inside, âhey,â his voice was warm despite it looking as if he had been up all night. âwas wondering when youâd be coming.â stepping inside, he wandered towards your bed, hair perfectly combed and styled. he took a seat, eyes finding your when you didnât reply.
âmom and dad arenât going to be home till tonight,â he explained slowly. âmomâs out planning the party and dad is.. well, he was in surgery, but heâs out doing something else iâm sure.â even despite your brotherâs success as becoming what your parents wanted all of you to be, he still had an equal amount of resentment as you did.
his lips curled into a smile, âi missed you, kid,â he lifted his hand to ruffle your hair like he always did, but you huffed and pouted, swatting his hand away. jackson chuckled, âhowâs college been? you know, momâs been asking if iâve talked to you lately. youâve been dodging their calls.â
your body stiffened and you looked down at your hands in your lap.
âi havenât been dodging them..â you muttered. âiâve just been busy, i guess.â
he raised an eyebrow, âdonât tell me youâre roped in with some guy?â
a flush rose to your cheeks and you looked at him as if he had just said the most absurd thing in the entire world.
âwhatâ?â you questioned, âno! i mean, itâs nothing like that. iâm not seeing a guy.â the emphasis on guy made him tilt his head in confusion. jackson may be your brother, but he didnât know you well. then again, you didnât know him well either. the two of you were always in constant competition as kidsâas you were with all of your siblings.
the four of you, your older two off being great surgeons now, had constantly been put against one another to see who could preform the best. it was an awful test of prodigious talent from your parents, and resulted in your siblings knowing nothing of one another really. jackson pursed his lips as he nodded slowly.
he piped up at her a moment. âwell, whoever it is,â he started, holding up his hand to stop you from arguing. âis lucky to have to you.â he smiled a little before reaching out to grab your hand. âiâm glad youâre home, y/n. itâs been lonely without you here, and itâs hard putting up with mom and dad on my own.â
âoh whatever, youâre like their 3rd favorite child,â you rolled your eyes playfully. jackson scoffed, âiâm literally their 3rd child, i secured that place since birth.â
the two of you laughed together, and suddenly the weight of this house didnât feel so heavy.
your mother and father had invited as many people as they could to the partyâpeople of all types of importance. from surgeons, to hospital owners, to investors, and lawyers. it was clear that this party was for you to be able to impress everyone and show them that mr. and mrs. l/n had a talented daughter just like your older brotherâs.
you, on the other hand, was not enthusiastic. you had squeezed into a size too small elegant dress your mother had picked out. it only furthered the anxiety in your gut. the fact that you were going to have to put on a performance and pretend like you were still the perfect daughter when you no longer were.
because now, you were debating on dropping out of the medical program. it brought you no happiness, only despair. but, since it was your first night, youâd try hard to put on an act in front of everyone.
âi feel like iâm going to throw up,â you said, glancing at your phone where you had propped it up on your desk. ellieâs face was in front of the camera, admiring you from where it looked like her room back home. her eyes were glimmering and she was smiling happily. âstop looking at me like that.. i look like an uptight barbie doll.â you whined, pouting your bottom lip.
she simply chuckled, pressing her cheek to the palm of her hand. âshut up, you look gorgeous, princess.â she smiled, âwhatâre you all dolled up for?â sighing, you took a seat at your desk and simply stared at her face. her voice gave you a semblance of peace, but actually looking into her eyes seemed to steady and easy the anxiety.
âmy parents are hosting a party,â you explained. âi guess they want me to build connections since iâm graduating soon.â
ellie nodded slowly, her lips pulling tight. âiâm guessing you donât want to go?â her voice was gentle, and you nodded after a moment.
âi donât want to stand there and pretend all night that iâm still their perfect little girl.â
the way you sounded right now made her want to jump through the screen and hug you tightly. but, alas, she couldnât. so, she settled on simply humming. âyou donât have to,â she said finally, her eyes moving to yours. âdonât act. just be yourself, and have a good night. donât.. donât talk about school or anything, okay?â
âeven if they try to force you.â
âdonât do anything that makes you feel like youâre betraying who you are becoming.â
your ears perked up and reddened at the way she sounded. so sure, so certain, so warm and soft. you wanted to be just like her, and you slowly were. your chest tightened and all of a sudden you couldnât wait to be back at university and in her arms. âi miss you,â you whispered, leaning closer to the camera. âhow do you always know the right things to say?â
âbecause iâm always right.â she smirked, shrugging her shoulders. you laughedâa bright and joyous sound that made ellieâs cheeks flush and her stomach flip. sheâd never get tired of hearing that laugh. she wanted to hear it for the rest of her life.
she admired you for a moment, âi miss you, too. you want me to stay up so we can call after?â her care and concern made your chest full. you wanted to nod, but you didnât know how long youâd be.
âiâll just tell you tomorrow, itâs okay.â you reassured her and after a beat of silence, you bit down on your bottom lip. âi wish i could kiss you right now.â
ellieâs eyes widened as your boldness, but god she admired it now. you were being so open with her. it was like she hadnât even registered that the two of you had kissed just a few days ago. âme too,â she whispered, taking the phone in her hands and laying on her bed. âiâd kiss you all over your pretty face.â
a heat rose up your neck and coiled in your stomach.
âwill you kiss me in other places?â
oh? other places? what was thatâ?
she blushed, laughing and hiding her face as if you had just embarrassed her. âyeah, oh my god,â she pressed her hand to her cheek. âyouâre so cute, jesus. yeah, iâll kiss you in other places, too. where would you want them?â she asked.
âon my thighs,â you said confidently, finding warmth in the way she became shy around you. when her eyes widened and her face grew brighter, you pushed a little more. âmy stomach, my chest, and my neckââ
ellie squeaked, holding up her hand. âshit, shit, waitâ iâm,â she stammered, âfuck, my face is too hot.â and you couldnât help but laugh.
âitâs not funny! iâm actually going to combustâ!â
the conversation is short lived when your mother opens the door. she stops abruptly, her eyes flickering between the screen and your flushed face. âdid i interrupt something?â she questioned, voice turning sour. you swallowed and looked back at ellie who was now glancing at you with concern. you gave her a soft smile.
âiâll talk to you later, yeah?â you prompted, and she nodded slowly. when you didnât hang up with the same sweetness, she knew it was because you were more afraid with your mother in the room. she understood that completely, but the look on your face when she walked in.. how your smile fell and your mood immediately became sour.. it made her heart ache.
the call ended and you turned to stand. your mother crossed her arms, âwho was that?â she questioned. you didnât answer for a long moment, prompting her to ask again. âwho was that?â her tone became nasty. âseriously, girl, donât make me ask you againââ
âgirl?â you laughed bitterly. âwhat a way to refer to your daughter. i have a name, mother. you remember it, donât you?â she paused before pinching the bridge of her nose with an annoyed sigh.
pushing off the doorframe she turned to make sure your dress fit snuggly. âwhoever it was, cut it out. stop letting people distract you.â she corrected, eyes flickering to yours and then back down to way her hands flattened the material. âyou need not to distract yourself with silly.. feelings to whatever youâd call them.â
your hands balled at your side, but you managed to stay calm.
âyou remember we want whatâs best for you?â
she gave you a small smile, but it was nothing of what a mother should normally give her daughter. it wasnât warm, it was calculated with manipulation. âgood girl,â she cooed, patting your head. âletâs go.â
the party was lively downstairs. an influx of bodies moved to glide across the marble floors and chat with one another. quickly, you grabbed a drink from one of the men walking around and gulped it down, alcohol stinging your throat. your mother threw back a glance, her eyes narrowing as you wiped your mouth.
âbehave.â she mouthed, like you were some insolent child that had a temper. you sighed, holding the empty glass and following behind her towards where your father stood. he was chatting with a few older gentlemen and their wives, your brother at his side.
jacksonâs eyes found yours, flashing an apologetic glance to which you responded with the raise of your glass. despite the difference between you and your siblings, you could at least bond over your mutual annoyance for your parents. when your fatherâs gaze set on you, he beckoned you closer with the curl of his hand.
wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he smiled proudly. a mask he often wore to try and show he had some semblance of appreciation for his children. âthis is my daughter, y/n,â he said, voice gravely with age. âsheâs in the medical program out in wyoming. sheâll be coming to join us after she graduates.â
since when did they decide that? they hadnât even asked you beforehand, just simply decided that you would be moving back and taking over a position at their hospital. your fingers tightened around the glass and smiled softly at the couple in front of you. trying to show that you were grateful and a good child, but you didnât want to talk about anything along the lines of your major.
âweâre proud of her.â your father continued, squeezing your shoulder. his eyes drifted to the gentleman standing across from him. âmarcus, you said your son is in town, is he not?â
the man turned, âyes, he is. why? are you finally going to let me set my son up on a date with yourââ his eyes fell on you, roaming down you figure. his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, âbeautiful daughter?â your chest tightened with recoil, and you felt nausea strike deep in your stomach.
your father said nothing, though. even if he had noticed it, he wouldnât have cared. instead, he laughedâthe type of laugh that showed he had no care in the world because of his money.
âyes, yes,â he replied, âiâd like for them to go out once before she leaves again. if all goes well, weâll be planning a wedding by the end of the weekââ the words drowned out as soon as you heard wedding. this was all becoming too much.
too many people, too many conversations, too many questions and stares. jackson noticed and immediately grabbed your wrist to excuse you two from the circle of people. âcâmon,â he said softly, guiding you towards the kitchen where only maids frequented. once in the quiet atmosphere, his eyes met yours.
âno, you look like youâre going to vomit and if you do that, i might vomit also.â
âhow are you a surgical resident if you canât handle puke?â
âjust like how youâre lying about your sexuality to our parents.â
his voice was soft, and he didnât mean the sentence to blow as hard as it did. your slip up earlier meant that he had probably figured it out on his own. after all, you never had a boyfriend in high school and rejected every date your parents attempted to set you up on. he let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. ânot that i care,â he continued. âwho you date or whatever.â
jackson stiffened and nodded slowly, âyeah, they will.â
âwhat am i suppose to do? i was going to tell them at dinner sometime this week and now theyâre practically planning out my god damn weddingââ you reached for another glass on the counter and downed the alcohol with a wince.
your brother stated for a moment. âiâm not sure.â he replied. his tone was rather.. sad. neither of you knew how to combat the constant badgering of your parents, and the mere thought of having to come clean about something so.. detrimental made your heart pound far too quickly.
âdo you want to tell me about her, though?â he asked after a moment.
your cheeks reddened. âher nameâs ellie.â you said, avoiding eye contact. âand she.. sheâs the sweetest and most loving girl i have ever met. she makes me feelâshe makes me feel special. like iâm the only girl in the entire world when iâm around her.â your words came out stammered because of how bright you were turning.
âand she takes things slow with me because of how new this is for me,â your lips curled upward into a real smile. âsheâs patient and takes care of me, and wants me to do what i want to do.â
jackson raises an eyebrow, âand what is it that you want to do?â
suddenly, your gaze was fixated on the drink in your hands. your hues were glimmering at the mere thought of traveling the entire world with her. it would be like a dream true. âyou should.â his words caught you off guard but there was a playful smile on his face once you glanced to him.
âi mean, we canâtâwe canât pretend to be like this forever and if one of us could get out,â his words trailed off as he rubbed his cheek. âit should be you, after all. youâve still got an opportunity to get out of this perfect life they care about so much.â
your eyes met his. âare you telling me i should go against everything they want me to do this week?â his lips curled upward into a mischievous grin that he hid behind his glass. he shrugged.
âtake it how youâd like, sister.â
a beat passed before you took another drink and sipped it slowly this time. the idea of completely going against your parents was satisfying to say the least, but also very very scary. partially because once you did, there was no going back and you would forced to face the reality of your changing life.
but, what other choice did you have? you didnât want to be stuck like this forever.
a maid walked in, her eyes cowering to the floor. âmiss. y/n,â she said softly, voice wavering. âyour mother and father are looking for you in the foyer. they would like for you to meet mr. marcusâ son.â tensing slightly, you threw a side long glance at her before returning your gaze to your brother.
âgo show them.â he said, raising his glass as if he were toasting. you smirk a little, raising your glass in return.
confidence suddenly surged up your body as you brushed passed the maid, her heels clicking behind you. the two of you made your way to the foyer where your parents were waitingâa tall man with blond hair lingering by their side. his smile was wide as he spoke with your father and disgust coated your tongue.
sure, he was handsome and what not, but compared nothing to ellie. absolutely nothing could make you want someone else in the way you wanted her. not your parents constant badgering, not their attempts to set you up and marry offânothing. with her words of encouragement earlier and your brotherâs support, you finally felt like you could put your food down.
downing your drink, you handed the glass to the maid with a grin and approached the three. your motherâs gaze flickered to her, annoyance already laced in her vision as soon as she saw your demeanor. âthere you are darling,â she forced a smile to her lips and stepped towards you.
âweâve been waiting.â she said, taking your hands in herâs and guiding you to stand in front of the blond man. âthis is Brock, Marcusâ boy,â she introduced you. your eyes scanned the taller man, eyebrows pulling together like you were unimpressed. âheâs been wanting to take you out for a while nowââ
you cut her off, âiâm seeing someone already, mother.â
the suddenness of your words caught her off guard. her hands tightened on your wrists, the wrinkles that were prominent on her face began to contort as they pulled together. your father coughed, accidentally swallowing his drink down the wrong pipe. despite the anger that now laced your motherâs expression, she smiled again.
her nails dug into your skin, fire burning in your veins.
âsince when, honey? you didnât mention this to us.â she replied, tilting her head as if she even cared to hear an explanation. she was trying to play the doting mother that pretended to know everything about her daughter. you sighed, glancing away and then back towards her face.
your tongue clicked, âi would have told you if you had bothered to say more than 10 words to meââ she cut you off by tugging your arm rather roughly. Brock coughed awkwardly and excused himself from the situation, which you figured he had heard enough to know he didnât stand a chance at going on a date with you now.
your motherâs eyes followed the way he walked away and she quickly glanced to your fatherâwho stood awkwardly to the side like he didnât know what quite to say. after all, his daughter had just admitted that she had been seeing someone and they had no idea.
âis this about who you were on the phone with earlier?â your mother hissed, glaring at you now.
you pursed your lips angrily, âand if it isâ?â
the words left her lips before you could process them. you hadnât really taken into consideration that she had possibly seen who was on your screen. you just knew she might have heard ellieâs voice, but you could have played it off as it being one of your friends. what? she didnât want you dating someone at college but was fine marrying you off to someone you didnât even know?
what kind of bullshit was this? âwhatâ?â you pulled your hands from her grasp and took a step back. you had planned on walking out here and rejecting whoever they tried to set you up with, not coming out. you wanted to do that privately. not in front of every single person that worked with your parents.
âyou heard me!â she replied, her voice hushed. she pointed her finger at you, âso help me god if youâre fooling around with aâa, lesbian, iâll have you sent to a camp by the end of this weekâ!â she said the word like it stung her to even utter it out-loud and suddenly everything had become too loud.
lesbianâa daunting word that you hadnât labeled yourself with, yet. you had been so caught up in enjoying the new things in your life that you hadnât considered what would happen when your parents put the label on you when you came out.
your eyes burned as you stared at her. âso what?â you fired back. âyou think your daughter canât be perfect if she likes girls?â
âyou will say no such things under this roof,â she replied, stepping closer. âdo you hear me? do you know how much effort it took to raise you and your brothers? and now youâre going to repay us with becomingâa sinner?â her voice caught as she uttered it again.
your eyes widened, âraised us?â you laughed bitterly, like the thought of her even claiming to have raised you was ridiculous. âyou were barely even around! i could have been dropped as a baby and you wouldnât have even known because the only people who ever took care of me were nannieâs and maids!â
your voice was becoming louder. she hesitated on her next words, vein popping out on her forehead in anger. it was clear she wasnât taking you serious.
âyouâre going through a phase,â she muttered angrily, like she was spitting the words at your shoes. âyouâll finish college, come back here, work for your father, and marry a man.â
the next words that came out of your mouth made her recoil, âand if i donât want that?â
there was silence between the two of you, your father standing off the side and watching it unfold. he had been nicer than your mother growing up, but he still held you to expectations that you could never reach. you didnât know what he was thinking, but when you glanced at him momentarily, you thought you saw a flash of hurt beneath his gaze.
âthen youâre no longer welcome here,â she spat, her eyes meeting yours after a long time of staring at the floor. she traced your features, lips curling in something that you could only name as disgust. âand youâre no longer my daughter.â
ellie didnât know how long she had stayed up the next few days. she didnât hear from you after you hung up, and she kept replaying that conversation you two had. the way you had froze up when your mother walked into the room, and the way you seemed to shrink into yourself like you were afraid.
it made her heart hurtâphysically hurt. she had never felt like that before. not for anyone, but for you, anything that hurt you, her her too. she didnât get much sleep after that, constant worry clouding her mind. her texts when through, but you didnât answer them. she had first passed it off as you being busy, but then three days went by and she didnât hear from you.
she was getting scared. scared that maybe something had happened and you were hurt in a place she couldnât reach. she didnât want to overreact and buy a plane ticket. she didnât even know where you lived exactly, and it wasnât like you were answering her anyway.
ellie đˇď¸ : hey, sweet girl. i know youâre probably going through something and thatâs why youâre not texting but please know i am here for you.
ellie đˇď¸ : i love you so much, okay? please text me and let me know youâre okay. iâm freaking out ngl. and i miss your voice.
ellie đˇď¸ : whatever it is, weâll get through it. together.
she stared at the messages, her phone screen bright in contrast to the dark room around her. seeing the delivered message beneath her text bubbles filled her with a little relief. at least you hadnât blocked her. not that she thought you would, but it made her feel a bit better knowing that her words were at least reaching you.
and youâd read them when you were ready.
a knock came to her door a few minutes later. she sat up, hair sticking all different directions as it opened, a figure stepping into the darkness. light peered behind him, his hair salt and pepper colored, beard scruffy, and eyes kind. he smiled, âhey kiddo,â his voice came out gruff but sweet.
âyou okay? noticed you uh have been kinda sad the past few days.â
ellieâs eyes shifted as she folded her legs and set her phone to the side. joel always knew when she wasnât feeling her best, and he had been observing her closely the past few days. he noticed something was off the minute she didnât jump up at the sound of sizzling bacon this morning. it was her favorite. he cooked it every morning she was home.
her lips pursed in thought, ânot really.â joel nodded slowly, hand tightening on the doorknob.
when she arrived back home, being dropped off by her friends, he had noticed a brighter light in her eyes. she smiled wider, laughed louder, and opted into hanging out with him and sarah when she usually spent most of her free time in her room.
the two had been began watching their favorite cheesy 80s movies together again. it had been nice while it lasted, and now he was wondering what had got her so quiet.
âdo you want me to get sarah?â he questioned. he wasnât the best at.. being able to give reassurance and support, but his daughter was. she would be happy to help ellie out, but the girl didnât seem to want to confide in her sister.
she shook her head, âno, i justââ she cut herself off, green eyes meeting joelâs. âcan i talk to you about it?â het voice sounded hesitant at first, like she was afraid he might want to listen.
âof course you can, kiddo,â he stepped inside and flipped a lamp on before taking a seat at the edge of her bed. âwhatâs goinâ on?â he asked in that same southern drawl that reminded her of her childhood in texas. ellie pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin there for a moment.
she wasnât even sure where to begin. âi have a girlfriend,â she said finally, but this was no surprise to joel. they had the conversation when she was younger and he knew of her sexuality. âwell, kind ofâ i mean, i havenât properly asked her, but we kissed and well..â her cheeks pinked up with embarrassment. âand i know she feels the same way i do.â
her throat went dry as he listened intently, the only sound besides her voice was the slow tick of his watch. the one he always wore.
âshe didnât want to go home for spring break,â she continued, eyes finding his face. âher parents are.. super rich and not to mention very hard on her about her career and stuff and i guess i justââ a frustrated sigh left ellieâs lips as the mere thought of them being mean to you felt her with undeniable rage.
her eyes closed. âshe wanted to tell them about her.. yâknow, her sexuality and stuff and now iâm just.. iâm scared that they may have said something that hurt her deeply.â her heart pounded in her chest, filling her ears as she imagined you laid up in your bed and crying while she wasnât able to comfort you.
âshe hasnât texted me since the first night she got there, and thatâsâthatâs not normal,â she explained. âshe said sheâd call me and she hasnât. she hasnât read my messages, and i know she probably doesnât want to talk to anyone, but i just want to be there for her. i just want to make her feel better.. i need toââ joel stopped her from speaking by reaching his hand over and resting it on her knee.
his thumb rubbed soft circles on her skin. like he always did when she was kid and was crying over a stupid comic book. âitâll be okay, kiddo,â he said, âsheâll text you when sheâs ready. it must be hard to have that much pressure on her shoulders at such a young age,â his voice turned sour. âand iâm sure sheâs just trying to figure out what to do next.â
ellie sniffled, not realizing she had gotten so worked up to the point where she was crying. she wiped away her tears.
âiâm just worried about her,â she whispered. âi donât want her to be alone.â
joelâs lips curled into a frown as he watched her teary eyes. his heart constricted and he thought for a moment. he wasnât the best at cheering his daughters up, but luckily, he was good at one thing.
he tilted his head, âdo ya want bacon?â
you didnât leave your room those days. didnât get up from your bed unless you had to use the bathroom or to occasionally nibble on the food that the maids brought to your room. you spent most of the days staring at the wallâhollow and numb. it didnât feel real. how a parent could so easily say that to their child.
a child they carried for nine months, birthed, and nursed. how they could easily abandon their own offspring because of the way they chose to live their life. it hurt so deeply in your body that you didnât even think it was possible to feel this level of pain. you were never close with them, it shouldnât hurt this much.
maybe it was that idiotic child like hope that you clung to. that maybe they wouldnât be so harsh on you anymore, and maybe theyâd come to understand that you simply wanted to do something for yourself for once. but no, that would never happen.
your motherâs words replayed over and over in your head until they stuck like glue and became the only thing that mattered.
you are no longer my daughter.
she said it with so much.. hatred, anger, and disgust. like if you indulged in the love that had encapsulated your soul, she would completely disown you. it was choosing between your family and the girl who loved you for you. it was an easy choice, but it was one that you felt you shouldnât have to make.
none of this was fair. you wanted a normal family. wanted the laughter, the joy, the chaos, the arguments, everything.
your brother had attempted to reach out, but you shut him out too. you shut everyone out. the pain was too much that even speaking to anyone else would have broken the very thin layer of protection you had. if you spoke, the gates would flood and grief would overwhelm you.
you shouldnât have to grieve people who are living. yet those same people have chosen to live a life in which you do not exist. so is it really grieving or is it accepting that youâre dead to them already?
you knew ellie had tried to text you, but you didnât even look at your phone. not until it was 3 am on friday night, two days before you were to go back home. you saw her numerous messagesâwanting to offer comfort but not wanting to be too much.
not wanting to invade your privacy.
she didnât deserve to be ignored, you knew that. it made you feel guilty. made the gnawing feeling slowly eat you up inside. why did everything have to be so difficult? why was your life so difficult? would it always be this way? would you always be this way?
you lifted your phone to your ear after pressing the call button. it barely rang once before the sound of her breathy exhale was in your ear.
ây/n? baby? are you okay?â she questioned, concern laced in her tone. you could hear the sound of ruffling, like she was sitting up in her bed. âfuck, baby, are you alright?â
your lips pursed, âdid i wake you?â
âthat doesnât matter,â ellie replied quickly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. she donât care if you woke her up. you had called her, and she was hearing your voice after felt like an eternity. that was enough to lose sleep.
she leaned forward like she could reach out to you, âis everything okay? what happened? you can tell me if somethings wrong,â her voice was quick. âshit i donât care if thereâs only 2 days till we go back home, iâll come and get you.â
your heart throbbed in your chest and the guilt felt worse than before. she was so sweet, so loving, so kind.
âiâm sorry.â your voice broke, arm coming to rest over your eyes as tears threatened to fall.
she shook her head quickly, âno, donât apologize, princess. shh, itâs okay,â she cooed into the speaker. when she heard the sniffle on the other line, she felt like she was in pure agony. god, all she wanted to do was hold you. she just wanted to make you feel better in any way that she could.
âiâm here, angel. iâm here, okay? donât apologize, everythingâs okay. you didnât do anything wrong.â
her reassurance was warm, but you still felt the ache of putting her through worry. âyou didnât deserve to be ignored,â you whispered, cracking. a tear slipped down your cheek, fat and wet as a gasp escaped your lip. you choked on air, trying to contain the pain as much as you could. âi shouldnâtâi shouldâveâfuck, ellie it hurts.â
ellieâs heart leapt in her chest. she could physically feel the pain in your voice. she sucked in a breath, trying to steady herself enough so that she didnât sound like she as giving out on the other end of the line. her hand pressed to her chest, listening to the sobs. she just wanted to scoop you into her arms.
âdonât, baby,â her voice broke too. âitâs okay, i promise. just.. just let me comfort you, please.â
you cried, âi donât deserve it.â
ellieâs tone turned firmer. she didnât care if she sounded harsh at the moment. she didnât ever want to hear those words come from your mouth again. âdonât ever say that, y/n,â she used your name. âyou deserve everything, do you hear me? so much. you deserve everything. let meâgod, princess, just let me love you okay?â
a moment of stillness passed.
âwhat if it never gets easier?â
you were silent, but she continued. âand weâll deal with it. together, do you hear me? youâre not going through any of this alone.â
âno, baby. i promised you that, remember? told you that youâd have a family here, right? you have me, okay?â
your chest constricted. turning onto your side, you pulled a stuffy to your chest and nuzzled it close like it could provide the same comfort that she could. âi need you.â
âfuck, angel, i know,â her voice came out pained, no longer masking the hurt she felt for you. âi need you, too. i just want to hold you.â
you sniffled, âiâd like that. youâre warm,â a flush crept across your cheeks as you held your phone tighter. âis it weird to miss the way you smell?â
âno,â she laughed, leaning back on her mattress and staring at the ceiling. âi miss the way you smell, too.â
a long silence hung between you two as you breathed in and out evenly. ellie listened intently, finding the way you made a little noise each time you exhaled to be oddly comforting. she couldnât wait to hear it again in person, and couldnât wait to hold you in her arms as she watched you sleep.
she broke the silence, âi love you, princess.â
your eyes closed as you listened. her voice was comforting in a way that made you feel like you could get through anything as long as you had her.
âi love you more, ellie.â
âi canât wait to see you.â
âtwo more days,â she smiled to herself, âand then iâm kissing you all over your pretty face.â
you chuckled, soft and light. âiâm holding you to it.â
main ; @rodysnm @mimisafemme @elliewilliamskisser2000 @perfectscissorsmoneyzonk @elliespup @blu-berry45 @ki19iva @sophislover @user77091025 @amoravelee @defnothzel
series ; @slutformangos @isaellie @m0on1ight1 @gglittergoddess @lilacrivers0 @trolldollxoxo @elliexbuckets @elleussy @satellitespinner @sapphic-sweetpea @aqueeriousmota @fettywhopper @liztreez @bournedientity @elliesssgf @bumasslesbian @dietmountaindewsposts @lattetw11rl @darlingcaraphernelia @xofa1th @rodysnm @l0s3rlesb0 @svndaymourning @gangsternancysinatra111 @aria1108 @slowburnsin @kingkylie7 @slut4acotar @j4bonn @sani-sunny @izastomas
a/n : omg two more chapters.. i wonder what could possibly happen??