Romanadvoratrelundar

It was a sudden impulse, but she answered it reaching for a hug. “No, nothing.”

That embrace meant more to Leela than Romana could know, she thought.  Leela relaxed gratefully into the touch, soaking in the comfort it gave.  “Very well, then,” she said, squeezing Romana’s hands with a smile as she pulled away.  “I will go home and try to sleep a little yet tonight.  I hope your politicians are no worse than usual.”

She let out a breathless laugh. “Thank you,” she said, moving it out.

Her eyes narrowed at the presumption of questioning her orders. “If Gallifreyans were a part of a large conspiracy, I would remove the more strident elements to a prison and let the rest go because if I want to rout out the source, I’ll need the tendrils to pull, like a pernicious plant. So, I hope I satisfy your conditions for equality.”

It was a sudden impulse, but she answered it reaching for a hug. “No, nothing.”

“You’re the one who decided lying is required, Leela,” she sighed. “I want to give them a personal voice to me, to be my liaison. I need to know what they’re thinking in order to prevent them being used for malevolent purpose.”

Leela blinked.  “Then I do not think I was seeing what you were seeing,” she acknowledged.  “It sounded to me as though you wished me to… in-sin-u-ate myself among them, to pretend I was there only to be their friend.  You wish me to… to sit in a room, at a desk, with a sign on the door that says ‘come tell me anything you wish for the President to know’?”

“No, not sit in a room,” she replied. “I could, I suppose, give you one, but you never struck me as an office worker and desks… well, you’ve seen the President’s desk… not terribly approachable. But yes, that does seem to be the source of our confusion. I don’t want you to pretend anything, unless you believe to do otherwise will risk anyone’s safety, including your own.”

Leela frowned.  “I would still need a room,” she pointed out.  “And a title.  They will not take me seriously otherwise.  I cannot simply stand in a corridor and shout.  But I suppose we could have a kind of… gathering.  A reason for them to seek me out.  If we did that, we might make it a rule that no one but the students were allowed to come–no tutors, no guards.  Make a show of carving out a safe place and time for them to voice their thoughts and fears, no one but them and me to hear it.  That might work, I think.  More than once, perhaps, if the first one went well.”

“Yes, fine,” she sighed, relieved to bring some sort of conclusion to this conversation. She let go of her frustration and became firm with the aid of a nod. “I’ll make sure you’ll have the leeway to do what you need to.”

“Yes,” she replied, her voice heavy with tiredness. Her body language emphasised it, along with a dose of irritation. Though she wasn’t irritated at Wynter for the moment. “Fine. Proceed, Wynter.”

“You’re the one who decided lying is required, Leela,” she sighed. “I want to give them a personal voice to me, to be my liaison. I need to know what they’re thinking in order to prevent them being used for malevolent purpose.”

Leela blinked.  “Then I do not think I was seeing what you were seeing,” she acknowledged.  “It sounded to me as though you wished me to… in-sin-u-ate myself among them, to pretend I was there only to be their friend.  You wish me to… to sit in a room, at a desk, with a sign on the door that says ‘come tell me anything you wish for the President to know’?”

“No, not sit in a room,” she replied. “I could, I suppose, give you one, but you never struck me as an office worker and desks... well, you’ve seen the President’s desk... not terribly approachable. But yes, that does seem to be the source of our confusion. I don’t want you to pretend anything, unless you believe to do otherwise will risk anyone’s safety, including your own.”

“You’re the one who decided lying is required, Leela,” she sighed. “I want to give them a personal voice to me, to be my liaison. I need to know what they’re thinking in order to prevent them being used for malevolent purpose.”

“They are children, Romana,” Leela said, gently.  “We cannot forget that.  Try to remember how you felt, at that age.  You also,  I think, had heavy expectations on your shoulders.  You also were trying to do your best.  Now imagine that a strange adult began to haunt the halls of the Academy. However good my intentions might be, would you truly see me as someone you could trust, who might help you to relieve that burden?  Or would you regard me with the suspicion the young give to the old, clannish as children are together?“ 

“I never was ‘clannish’ with the other ‘children’, Leela, I could only confide in adults, only certain ones. The ‘other children’ were my enemy. At least as much there can be enemies in an academic institution. They needn’t flock to you in droves, you’ll earn their trust a person at a time, once they see your good faith.”

Leela bit her lip.  “You may not have been, but these children are.  They have just had a riot in support of one of their own, Romana.  Please, all I am asking is something to tell them, when they ask why I am there.  I will be the gardener who tends the plants in the courtyard, if you think that is good, or will wash the sheets they sleep on, or will give lectures, or teach them to fight, or scrub the floors, or anything you think is good.  Nothing is the only thing I would not know how to do.”

“I’ll leave that to your discretion, if you feel that strongly about it,” she replied. “But artifice is what they feel is our primary fault and you’ll not earn their trust if you pretend.”

“I do not wish to lie.  You can make it true, can you not?  Put me to work truly, Romana, and let me get to know the students that way.  I… I am lonely, when you do not need me.  I would like more to do.”

“You’d be the first to point out that that would be a technicality,” she replied. “A veneer. Yes, I’ll legitimise whatever it is you want to be, but that won’t make it true that that’s why you’re there.”

“Why should it be false?  Because I wish to protect them?  Surely everyone who works at the Academy wants the students to be safe, or they should.  I will not spy on them, Romana, not in a way that any but the corrupt would mind.  I will not tell you what names they call you behind your back, or whether they would vote for you if they could.  I will truly do whatever work you give me to do, and truly care for the students, and only do stop those who would harm themselves or their fellows.  Where is the lie in that?”

“In the hearts of the students, it would be false. They don’t believe the people who work at the Academy does want them safe, for a start, and assuming that only the corrupt would find fault with security measures is a little lacking in nuance. People don’t enjoy to be lied to, whatever the reason.”

“They are children, Romana,” Leela said, gently.  “We cannot forget that.  Try to remember how you felt, at that age.  You also,  I think, had heavy expectations on your shoulders.  You also were trying to do your best.  Now imagine that a strange adult began to haunt the halls of the Academy. However good my intentions might be, would you truly see me as someone you could trust, who might help you to relieve that burden?  Or would you regard me with the suspicion the young give to the old, clannish as children are together?“ 

“I never was ‘clannish’ with the other ‘children’, Leela, I could only confide in adults, only certain ones. The ‘other children’ were my enemy. At least as much there can be enemies in an academic institution. They needn’t flock to you in droves, you’ll earn their trust a person at a time, once they see your good faith.”

Leela bit her lip.  “You may not have been, but these children are.  They have just had a riot in support of one of their own, Romana.  Please, all I am asking is something to tell them, when they ask why I am there.  I will be the gardener who tends the plants in the courtyard, if you think that is good, or will wash the sheets they sleep on, or will give lectures, or teach them to fight, or scrub the floors, or anything you think is good.  Nothing is the only thing I would not know how to do.”

“I’ll leave that to your discretion, if you feel that strongly about it,” she replied. “But artifice is what they feel is our primary fault and you’ll not earn their trust if you pretend.”

“I do not wish to lie.  You can make it true, can you not?  Put me to work truly, Romana, and let me get to know the students that way.  I… I am lonely, when you do not need me.  I would like more to do.”

“You’d be the first to point out that that would be a technicality,” she replied. “A veneer. Yes, I’ll legitimise whatever it is you want to be, but that won’t make it true that that’s why you’re there.”

“They are children, Romana,” Leela said, gently.  “We cannot forget that.  Try to remember how you felt, at that age.  You also,  I think, had heavy expectations on your shoulders.  You also were trying to do your best.  Now imagine that a strange adult began to haunt the halls of the Academy. However good my intentions might be, would you truly see me as someone you could trust, who might help you to relieve that burden?  Or would you regard me with the suspicion the young give to the old, clannish as children are together?“ 

“I never was ‘clannish’ with the other ‘children’, Leela, I could only confide in adults, only certain ones. The ‘other children’ were my enemy. At least as much there can be enemies in an academic institution. They needn’t flock to you in droves, you’ll earn their trust a person at a time, once they see your good faith.”

Leela bit her lip.  “You may not have been, but these children are.  They have just had a riot in support of one of their own, Romana.  Please, all I am asking is something to tell them, when they ask why I am there.  I will be the gardener who tends the plants in the courtyard, if you think that is good, or will wash the sheets they sleep on, or will give lectures, or teach them to fight, or scrub the floors, or anything you think is good.  Nothing is the only thing I would not know how to do.”

“I’ll leave that to your discretion, if you feel that strongly about it,” she replied. “But artifice is what they feel is our primary fault and you’ll not earn their trust if you pretend.”

“They are children, Romana,” Leela said, gently.  “We cannot forget that.  Try to remember how you felt, at that age.  You also,  I think, had heavy expectations on your shoulders.  You also were trying to do your best.  Now imagine that a strange adult began to haunt the halls of the Academy. However good my intentions might be, would you truly see me as someone you could trust, who might help you to relieve that burden?  Or would you regard me with the suspicion the young give to the old, clannish as children are together?“ 

“I never was ‘clannish’ with the other ‘children’, Leela, I could only confide in adults, only certain ones. The ‘other children’ were my enemy. At least as much there can be enemies in an academic institution. They needn’t flock to you in droves, you’ll earn their trust a person at a time, once they see your good faith.”

Just so you guys know, I’m living in Ireland, so am in the path of Ophelia. While I’m on high ground and inland and so not worried about my safety, I am at risk of losing power. If the power does go, then it could be days before I’m back. 

“Neither are they,” she reminded her. “It makes sense to send you as my liaison, doesn’t it? As I say, it’s up to you. Leela… I don’t know how much I have to do to make you feel wanted…” But I’m busy. Or I’m president and our friendship is a liability which should make my desire to be your friend that much more touching, but somehow it doesn’t and I don’t know what to do!

“There is something dark within the Academy, rout it out,” she explained. “If it’s feeding on the dissatisfaction of the students, then that it is where it lurks. Gillestes had sponsors. They won’t have gone away.”

“As your bodyguard?  You would have it known that you had sent your bodyguard to the Academy to root out treachery?”

“My liaison,” she corrected. “You’re not my assassin, Leela. You’re the arm with which I’m reaching out to these students. As an arm, you’ll have to slap those who get in your way, but that’s not the point.”