a commonplace

I always know its getting toasty out in the world because girls start reblogging this post like crazy

I’ve been dragging our giant ottoman over to a floor vent and dangling over the side so the AC directly targets my underboob. 10/10 more passive version of the comic idea

Youre a mollusk and something potentially bad or scary gets inside you what do you do. Make a pearl around it. Okay. okay

GRAAAGH! I'm so hungry and I can't catch anything! If only I had ampullae of Lorenzini to help me sense where my prey is. Hey... You wouldn't happen to have some, would you?

I need my weird alone time or I will explode

It's Another Beautiful Day of Not Being On Mount Everest. just how Every day of my life will be Another Beautiful Day of Not Being On Mount Everest, on account of how I am Never Ever Going There.

stop letting miserable people on the internet convince you that you must have a concrete, well-constructed opinion on everything that has ever existed.

everybody say thank you Marcus Aurelius

just saw a pigeon doing the puffed up courtship dance thing to another pigeon, and as he was strutting around he suddenly stopped for a split second to do a very brief preen-peck at his own side, then returned to the strutting around. and i surprised myself by instantly losing respect for the male pigeon in that moment, like come on man i appreciate you had an itch or whatever but how is she supposed to feel special when you're getting distracted by bullshit like that? which on reflection i don't endorse, i mean those are pretty harsh dating norms i'm imposing on these pigeons, from a total outsider perspective, for no reason. probably not all girl pigeons are as uptight about that sort of thing as i would apparently be if i was a girl pigeon, maybe she even found it endearing who knows, i don't know her. it's none of my business really. sorry pigeons.

@theophrastus-bombastus-von-hoe

The real question is how the pigeon lady felt about it. Like was she still interested or

I hate when king arthur has all these fussy little steps in the instructions and you're like "no way do these fussy little steps matter" but you try it and they do. they matter so much.

I thought you meant Camelot quests and I was like "that's fair, 'never pick a four leaf clover on the last Wednesday of the month' IS a fussy little step that shouldn't matter" but then I was like "wait isn't that also a flour company"

nooo I am not a beleaguered knight of the round table I am making elaborate focaccia 😭

in a world where Every Single GodDamned Thing is wrapped in like, oil and blood and cruel tangles of consequence that baffle the mind I think it IS healing to see the male goldfinches at my new apartment ravenously eating the seeds off my upstairs neighbor’s sunflowers. what if you came and ate my many seeds and in exchange I maybe grew in more places. it is ancient and elegant and all parties consent upfront except my neighbor, who is very excited to see the goldfinches but was kind of hoping to eat some sunflower seeds this season

The really unfortunate thing about mental health progress is that sometimes you realize you've made it in the form of "wow, I haven't felt this bad in a fucking while"

On the one hand it's a bit of a pick me up in a dark place to know that this will pass because it has passed before on the other hand sometimes it isn't entirely a pleasant thought to go "wow, I used to feel like this all the time. That was pretty fucking bad. It's pretty bad right now too also."

Someday your current baseline will be the sort of thing you consider A Really Bad Day. It does get better.

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.

do some people know they’ll be inscribed into my heart forever no matter the silence and the distance and most of all no matter the time