Songs of My Muses

“The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.” – Eden Phillpotts

(A vague continuation of this post.)

Should the interestingly pale, foreign gentleman your master is entertaining announce he does not drink…. wine, it is etiquette to send up a selection of port, brandy, and sherry, preferably via the most anaemic-looking maidservant.

When one is perusing the papers, it is considered polite to read out loud about any mysterious disappearances in as carrying a voice as one can muster. This will endear you immensely to any plucky young governesses or cryptic maids that may be on staff.

Discreetly cover eyeholes in paintings if your master is entertaining a pretty female guest. This will save much embarrassment later on.

It considered sporting to leave something that may easily be forged into a makeshift weapon in every room, or at the very least to make certain the curtains billow in a sufficiently dramatic fashion.

If young ladies of the household have mysterious paramours who speak in tongues and come from places unknown- do not panic! Whilst at first glance one may mistake them for Catholics, if they have horns, hooves, or recoil from the Good Book, it is quite probable that they are simply demons and should be treated with all due respect.

When leaving candles in a secret passageway, be sure to take them out of the packaging first- one cannot explore catacombs in the knowledge that one’s light comes four for a penny from Leeds. Having candles pre-dribbled for purposes of ambiance is a nice touch, but not required.

Beet Poxy, Scourge of the Middle Ages, Cured with Animal Droppings and Honey

This 14th-century image reveals men, women, and animals alike plagued with large red lesions. This image also connects with other medieval images of the stars and planets. 

According to this scientific miscellany, the constellations determined various facets of health at different times of the year. For instance, the springtime constellation of a harvesting man known as “The Sickle” (part of modern-day Leo) often brought with him a disease called “the beet poxy,” based on the large red lesions appearing all over the body.