A Lost Cause

Crush 5 letter word that everyone seems to have, a crush. People seem to invalidate having a crush as a serious feeling. They say it's just their for the rush feeling and not for a permanent feeling. You may start having crushes when you were 7 or 13 or 23, it doesn't matter but we all have it. When they look at your way and you suddenly want to jump out of happiness, we feel that. The sadness you feel whenever you don't see the person you're crushing on, we feel that. But as what they all say, it's just a crush it'll pass. I have a crush and it's no ordinary crush because it's the type of crush that isn't about sex or pleasuring. It's the "I hope you're the one that God destined for me" because you're that special. You make me happy, sad, laugh til I lose my breath, do all those crazy things. In a place where people are pressured to have their partners to be validated their feelings about someone, I found you. In the darkness of this never ending tunnel, I saw your light. So unreachable, now I know why they say no matter how beautiful flowers are, you shouldn't pick it. It's better to just admire it rather than killing it. That's what I felt when I saw you, I wanna admire you but I can never have you because it will hurt you in the end. This is just a crush, it'll pass.

An open Letter to my Almost Lover I'm not bitter nor heartbroken that we're over. I always knew we were over before it even started but the worst part is you proved me wrong. It makes me feel empty that you walked away on us but it's okay because you're not the only one who gave up on my attitude and hopelessness. I'm not writing this to get you back nor pity me, in fact I'm doing the complete opposite. We did not share a lot of experiences but I saw you at your worst and still thought you were amazing. When I wake up every morning to find out you sent me a good morning, I thought you are the one for me. I  may not be the relationship type of person but you made me feel different. It's like I wanna tell the whole world that I really like you. I mean who wouldn't wanna be with you? You're everything that I prayed for. You're talented, kind, sweet, selfless, and you care a lot about me. You always say that I deserve someone who's mentally stable but honestly, I'm not stable myself and if you think I'm letting you face this world alone then you're wrong. See, I kind of thought that I was going to be holding your hand when we visit your therapist or I will be the one who will kiss your scars until they're all healed. But what you told me was true, only you could save yourself. I wrote this letter to tell you that I still miss you every night, I still think about you when I wake up and before I sleep, I still wish you're the person I'm calling at 3 in the morning just because you can't fall asleep. I know I won't be able to tell you all of this if I get the chance to see you. I still listen to the songs you recommended, I even kept our picture together. Now, I'm ready to tell you that I'm willing to delete the songs, throw away the picture, turn off my phone, and stop thinking about you. I know you found someone new and I won't push my luck getting you back. Here's to a successful relationship to you and a very very happy me in the future. Don't worry I don't hold grudges and I will stop asking myself the biggest why in our "relationship", I hope you feel safe enough to sleep when you're beside her. I wish you the best Love, Your almost (and not that hopeless) lover