Joni Boyd

1971.

Suddenly it was usual to allow yourself to outwardly be consumed by dirty thoughts

And with this new found emphasis of sex

Birthed a fixation of beauty

Men did no longer enjoy the sole presence of a nice girl

Rather they looked outward, her… assets

The best looks, a future in pornography

Someone a director would easily be able to envision

Multiple poses, positions and categories

Streets are playboy bunnies and the jack rabbits that stalk them

A hunt for flesh, something we weren’t previously biologically capable of

Yet a starving animal will always feed

God has favorites

Maybe it’s you

Maybe it’s me

Maybe it’s my eyes

Of something greater than you

And falling to your knees is all you can do

You don’t feel weak or worthless

You don’t feel tired or restless

It’s like accepting light into your dark abyss

It’s like falling in love, like seeing the people you missed

I’d break every bone in my body

To take it in once again

If this is death, I guess I fear nothing

If this is life, I’ll cling to it like it’s my everything

If I never see you again, I doubt I’ll make it

The night you said we were through

You seemed dull and confused

I was fully amused

You go through so much wine

Makes me wonder

It just never worked out, I never liked them

I’ve written endless poems for you

Though, you’d hate to read them

I’ve talked about missing you, wanting you, needing you, hating you, killing you

I’ve contemplated death and life and loving you

the words never felt quite right

You were never quite right

Not for me at least

I remember

I memorize you

On the opposite side of you

On the opposite side of you

Take me to your house again

Show me the things

Show me the things you taught me to do

Take me to the place we met

Take me to your house again

In your backyard too

I hope I’m no one’s sweetheart

Nor would I be someone’s best friend

I don’t want relationships to tank

No one to suffer, to die in the end

I’m afraid I’ll misstep

I get emotional, overly upset

I’m not gentle with my bomb

I’m a deadly disease

A burden you’ll keep with life

Never rid of with ease

I can’t handle being there for you

When just being has gotten hard

I’m content by my lonesome

Better to keep your skin clean than scarred

Now I have to suffer the effects

Scars and bruises my skin collects

I was rough and dirty

I once looked at my battered skin

Displays of my triumphs through time

And I could find beauty within

Now though, I find it ugly

I am upset with myself for the damage

Now that I am mature I must manage

Desirable girls are so perfect and clean

I was careless with myself

Now all that carelessness is seen

And you want me to go on living

Well I welcome the knife

But you must stay at the door