Something Warmer

Four days later I get a text from Raymond saying he’s in Davao and he’ll be back tomorrow. He promised to come see me on Tuesday. Promise...that’s...dangerous.

Over the last few days I’ve tried looking him up on social media on google, anything. The person does not exist. He did warn me about it, he said he is trying to stay as anonymous as possible, invisible if he can. A person from my generation would find that suspicious...but I like it. I agree with it. In fact if I had a choice, I would like to not be found online as well, but there’s a conflict there considering I really do want to be known as a musician.

Monday morning comes and I wake up to an unexpected message.

𝙶𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚐𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚜. 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠. 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚕𝚊 𝚈𝚊𝚌𝚑𝚝 𝙲𝚕𝚞𝚋 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚘𝚘𝚗, 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚠𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚘 𝚐𝚘𝚕𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝙿𝚊𝚗 𝙿𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌. 𝚆𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚜 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚐𝚒𝚐 𝚊𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛. 𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚓𝚘𝚒𝚗 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚢𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎. 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚍𝚞𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚠, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚎. 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚜𝚊𝚏𝚎...𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜

He sent it at six in the morning. I didn’t take him for a morning person.

I dreaded replying to him because I already know he’s going to “figure out” my daily schedule and record in his mind that I start my day at eight o’clock in the morning. Not that it matters but I don’t like it when people analyze me.

𝙶𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐! 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗? 𝚂𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎. 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛, 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘𝚘 𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚢 𝙸 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚏𝚏 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘. 𝙼𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚒𝚗 𝙿𝚊𝚗 𝙿𝚊𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌. 𝚃𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 :)

The first day of the week passed just like how it’s supposed to. Days are as busy as the night but in different ways. In the morning I’m a good child. Going to the market, getting what the household needs. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the dogs, cleaning a little more and cooking a little more is basically my life purpose in the daytime. In the afternoon I manage to squeeze in a few hours to learn new songs or write or dance. Sometimes I just sleep because house work is EXHAUSTING. I always hated the thought of being a housewife. Being stuck at home to this routine...it’s not for me. It makes me hate life. I would like to live my life working, singing, no strings attached, no real responsibilities except for my bills. The only thing to worry about is myself. This is why I started reassessing if I want a family of my own one day. Imagine being responsible for another person’s life, putting your goals and needs second or maybe third, or maybe last. I’m not cut out for that.

Night times are better. Singing, entertaining, using up all my fake cheerful energy that I don’t naturally posses but I must because it’s part of the job. This type of work is draining too, but in a good way. In a fulfilling way. House work in the daytime is just exhausting, period.

Tuesday comes and I try my best to not get excited. I’m seeing him tonight, for dinner first, and then he’ll join me at my gig. He sent me a message earlier at six a.m.. Again. Maybe he sets an alarm and that’s why he’s up at exactly six in the morning every day. Does that mean that I’m the first person he messages when he wakes up? Oof..don’t get cocky now Adi. 

𝙶𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙰𝚍𝚒 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 :) 𝚈𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚠𝚊𝚜...𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚏𝚞𝚕. 𝙱𝚞𝚜𝚢. 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚢 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍. 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝. 𝚈𝚘𝚞'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍. 𝚄𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗..𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚜𝚊𝚏𝚎...𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚎...𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 :)

The next day I sent him a text.

𝙷𝚒 𝚁𝚊𝚢𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚍. 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝙰𝚍𝚒, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛. 𝙷𝚊𝚍 𝚊 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎. 𝙻𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗.

I got a response at 11 a.m., three hours later.

𝙷𝚎𝚢 𝙰𝚍𝚒 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛. 𝙷𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚠𝚎𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝚂𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚘𝚘𝚗

I went on with my life, waiting for the next message. Hours passed, days passed, and nothing. I wan’t going to message him again out of nowhere and start a conversation. If he wants to talk to me, he’ll reach out. If he want’s to see me, he’ll reach out. If he’s thinking about me even half as much as I’m thinking about him, he’ll reach out. If he doesn’t reach out, he’s not that interested. So I waited...and waited...and waited...but nothing.

Okay. Move on.

Weeks had passed and there I am, back to my regular life, rain free, Raymond free. I don’t even think about him anymore, at least not until tonight. It’s an empty bar. I’m about to go onstage and sing my first set and it’s just me, my mom, the waiters and the flies. Maybe I should invite people.

I scrolled through my contacts to see if I know anyone who would be interested to drink if you ask them last minute. That’s not really my crowd so it’s difficult to find people like that in my circle. Aha. Raymond. 

I noticed he drinks a lot. He likes people, he likes bars. Let’s give it a shot.

𝙷𝚒 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛! 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞?

He replies almost instantly.

𝙰𝚍𝚒 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛! 𝙳𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝. 𝙱𝚞𝚜𝚢, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚢 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍. 𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞?

Hmm...casual. Do I like that?

𝙸'𝚖 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙸 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢. 𝚆𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚎 𝚖𝚎𝚝. 𝚀𝚞𝚒𝚎𝚝 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝.

I’m only letting him know that I’m here. I won’t outright invite him. He’s smart, he’ll figure it out. If he wants to see me, he’ll come.

𝚃𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢? 𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚎𝚍 𝚃𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚜.

This back and forth about my schedule went on for a couple more times until I finally got the answer I was expecting to hear.

𝙸'𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎. 𝙸'𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞. 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞.

Bingo.

𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝. 𝙸'𝚖 𝚜𝚠𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚎𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜. 𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚋𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚔.

Oh.

I have to reply fast or he’ll think I’m upset.

𝙽𝚘 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚖. 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝙸 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞

He doesn’t reply as fast...but I get a message after five minutes.

𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚢 𝚜𝚊𝚏𝚎...𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜

Always? It sounds...poetic.

I usually play at the bar every Tuesday and Friday, but over the weekend the owner asked me to play on Monday night. Why wouldn’t I? Extra money.

A group of people came in and occupied the long table in the middle, right in front of the stage. Wow that’s a lot of people. I get up on stage to start my set and then right in the middle I decide to sing Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me To The Moon. I always keep my eyes closed on important parts. It helps me focus. It helps me sing better. As I open my eyes and look to my right, there he was, Raymond. Standing with a guy that I didn’t really notice, they were talking...about me? I’m not sure. The way he looked at me, it almost seemed as if they were. But maybe they weren’t, and he was just distracted...by me.

I finish the song and he goes straight to the bathroom. I sing a few more songs as he watches from my left this time. Should this be getting creepy? Because it’s not. After my set I went straight to the bar. Time alone. Scroll through Facebook, Snapchat, whatever.

The manager calls for me and tells me Raymond asked if I would like to sit with them. I wanted to say no, but I didn’t. Anyway, I took a seat, said hello to everyone and finally the man of the night, the guy who asked me to be there, Raymond, sits beside me. He introduces himself one more time. “Hi. I’m Raymond Todo Jr. We met last Friday.” He extends his hand for a shake so I did, and responded “Yes I remember. Welcome Back.” 

My goodness the way this man looks and smiles at you...I bet a lot of girls fall for this. Quite frankly, it’s working on me too.

“So where’s your province?” He asked me. “Pampanga. Although I’ve lived in Manila for a while. But I’m technically Kapampangan. By blood...and half of my childhood was spent there.” “I see. Kapampangan people are beautiful. You’re proof of that. And great cooks too, can you prove that too?” I decided to shake off that comment he just put out there like nothing. Beautiful. What a line. I just laughed a little.

“I’m from Iloilo. My entire family is from there.” He says to me.

The night went on. I sang a little more. His friends did karaoke. He talked to almost everybody except for me. That introduction was basically all the talk we had all night. He was too busy mingling with everybody else. He didn’t want to sit beside me because he’s “perspiring” and the airconditioning doesn’t reach that spot. He just kept looking at me. From wherever he was...he would just...stare.

Before the night ended, I told him I have to go home and he said to wait for a little bit. Ten minutes later he came back to me and gave me his business card. “I’d really like to see you again. Your friend told me you’re always with your mom, maybe we can find a workaround or something. If not, that’s fine too. But I’d love to see you again, I mean it. Message me.”

I took the card, smiled, and left.

I got off the stage, wearing that yellow floral dress with my knee high warrior boots, walking towards him. Why was I walking towards him? His eyes, fixated on me, wondering, amazed, as if he has never seen anything like me before. He was sitting there with my childhood best friend and before I could turn away, they called me over. I sat on the chair across them and introduced myself, “Hi I’m-”,”This is my best friend Adrienne. She’s the singer here.” Before I could finish she interrupted me. “Hello, Raymond.”, he spoke.