somenowhere

I didn’t watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things, it’s just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was five feet from my desk, and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I’m a tragic person, I’m really happy now, but it would just… make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself, ‘Be strong. Trust yourself. Love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want, and act fast because life just isn’t that long…’ There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?

“Too much joy, I swear, is lost in our desperation to keep it.”

“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.”

“There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that the point?”

Perhaps it is true that we do not really exist until there is someone there to see us existing, we cannot properly speak until there is someone who can understand what we are saying in essence, we are not wholly alive until we are loved.

Is it right to do something only because everyone else is doing it?

empathy is honestly so exhausting. it makes you take on all this additional heaviness that you didn’t want in the first place. it makes you feel guilty for being angry or upset because it’s so good at making excuses for other people. it makes you vulnerable to abuse or neglect.

tomorrow my coworker has to say goodbye to her cat and even just knowing this, i’m already feeling small amounts of grief for her. i don’t know the cat, i don’t even know this woman well but i can’t shut it off.