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“I can’t help but feel a little broken. I guess I never thought that you of all people would play with my feelings like that: saying things to me that you thought I wanted to hear and making it seem as though you finally want me. But you don’t want me and this is all just a game for you. You knew how I felt about you. You should’ve just fucking left me alone if you didn’t want anything to do with me. It’s that simple. I was doing perfectly fine. You didn’t have to say those things to me if you didn’t mean it; I don’t know what you get out of it but I’m the one that’s getting hurt right now. Maybe those words were empty to you, but to me they’re the fucking words that I replay over and over in my head when I can’t sleep at night. When you say shit like that to me it messes with my head and I feel myself absentmindedly falling for you harder. But I also feel you breaking me.”

“i liked you. i liked you so fucking much. but you didn’t know that, and maybe that’s my fault because i never told you. i just never wanted to lose our friendship in case you didn’t feel the same way. and when you started dating her it really pushed me away but pulled me in all at the same time. at first i thought about hating you and moving on, but it was like there was this bump that was in the way of allowing me to move on from you, a bump that i was just never able to get by. i still wanted you and i wanted you to see me for me and i guess i wanted you to come to that realization that maybe i was better suited for you than her. so i stuck around a little longer hoping that one day soon you’d pick me instead. i spent about two years like that, just waiting and hoping. I guess I was just waiting for you to change your mind. But i’m looking back now and i don’t know how i could have done that to myself. I honestly just wasted so much time waiting for something that won’t ever happen. and even if it does happen one day - it won’t feel worth it at that point. if it takes you that long to figure out how much i truly mean to you then you don’t deserve me after all. you really can’t make people like you, but it’s definitely not their fault to blame. it’s not your fault. it just sucks how we had to cross paths like that, you know? like why do we coincidentally cross paths with certain people if those feelings between them sometimes end up just being a one way street? it seems unfair, and has never made any sense to me.”

“For as long as I knew I’ve always done this thing where I deny my feelings for anybody I genuinely have feelings for. Because in my mind admitting your feelings means putting yourself out there in the open for rejection and that is something I am absolutely terrified of; mainly because I’ve been there before. So I keep thinking that if I just act like I don’t care, then I won’t ever get hurt. If I don’t show him how much I like him, then he won’t be able to hurt me. Maybe this is my self-defense mechanism or maybe I am just too shy. But trust me, I want to be vulnerable and just put myself out there and be strong enough to bounce back right away if I get rejected, but I really don’t have it in me. I just have all of these feelings pent up inside me lately and I don’t know where to put them anymore.”

“He was a puzzle I couldn’t never quite put together Just when I thought I had the comfort of having all of him I was missing a piece And I searched everywhere But he always kept that one damn piece from me No matter how much I tried to show him how much I loved him It was his way of having me but keeping me at a safe distance Almost having him But not quite I think that’s the worst way to have someone An almost Because you were right there Moments away from finally having it Then it’s just ripped away Stuck between what ifs and maybes Like you never had it at all”

“I think that for so long I was trying to hold onto something that I thought would eventually work out in my favor if I held on long enough. But I’ve just been holding on for so long and letting everything else slip by me; I should’ve let go a long time ago.”

“I admit that the hardest part was probably seeing how easy it was for you to just walk out my life like that. There was no sign of struggle or hesitation. I never knew how you could just leave me like that after everything we’d been through.”

“So, how did you know you moved on?“ you asked me. I thought about it carefully before answering. I thought about how I had spent so much time being sad and being angry at him for so long that it became routine. There were countless days when I just stayed in bed all day thinking about how I was never going to get over him. But eventually all storms blow over and there comes a point when it just ends and the sun comes out again. Finally I replied, "I guess instead of hating him I tried to understand where he was coming from and why he felt the way he did,” I paused. “I tried to understand him instead of hating him and that’s when I realized I could get over it.”

“If I could, I would go back in time and do a lot of things differently, but most of all I would go back to warn myself about you. I wish I could go back and tell myself that you weren’t worth all of that time I wasted thinking about you, and thinking about how I genuinely believed you’d eventually choose me. These days I guess I just know better now. I grew up. I learned not to wait around for somebody who never appreciated me from the beginning.”

“I can’t help but feel pathetic I’ve been spending all of this time waiting for you, thinking that you’ll eventually learn to love me. But a part of me understands that no matter how hard you try, you just can’t. You can’t make someone love you. I know that. I can see that. But somehow I’m still trying to anyways.”

“I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but there’s this strange feeling I’ve been experiencing. I don’t quite know what it is. But whatever it is, it’s kind of like I’m walking blindly through the dark, and I can’t seem to see anything around me like the way I used to. I don’t know what I’m going to encounter, and I don’t know what’s happening behind my back when I’m not looking. It’s just pitch black and I can’t see the people I once surrounded myself with as the same people anymore. I can’t seem to find my way back to the things I used to love. I’ve honestly been trying to find my way back home, and I’ve been trying to find you. I guess I’m just looking around for a lot of things and finding nothing at the same time. But maybe what I’ve been feeling is not anything like wandering through the dark. Perhaps this is just life. And a side effect of growing up.”

Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony, and music inside me.

“I don’t know why I loved him so much as to want to die of his death.”

“Heartbreak begins the moment we are asked to let go but cannot, in other words, it colors and inhabits and magnifies each and every day; heartbreak is not a visitation, but a path that human beings follow through […]. Heartbreak is an indication of our sincerity: in a love relationship, in a life’s work, in trying to learn a musical instrument, in the attempt to shape a better more generous self. Heartbreak is the beautifully helpless side of love and affection and is [an] essence and emblem of care… [W]e use the word heartbreak as if it only occurs when things have gone wrong: an unrequited love, a shattered dream… But heartbreak may be the very essence of being human, of being on the journey from here to there, and of coming to care deeply for what we find along the way.”

“As I think it over again and again I keep trying to find the words for what happened: Was it love? Who was the hunter? Who the prey?”

“I want to tell him it was as easy to be with him as it was to eat food or drink water. I want to tell him it was not him but the road that we were travelling that was hard. I want to say his name over and over again.”

“Everyone has a heartbreak that changed them.”

“When you are ignored by a person whose attention means the most to you, the reaction in your brain will be similar to physical pain.”