just some guys

not proving something to strangers, not winning a label, not getting permission to exist. just...trying to make sense of your own brain in a way that lets you feel a little more okay.

what’s hard for me is that a lot of online spaces are so caught up in “which one do i have” energy, when like... the treatment doesn’t really distinguish between DID and OSDD anyway. your experiences don’t change based on which acronym you settle on. you still have to deal with them. and in my opinion, the real skill worth building is self-validation, compassion, and connection with yourself - not endlessly chasing the feeling that someone else is going to tell you it’s real enough now. that you'll find the Right Category and it will All Make Sense and everyone will finally allow you to seek the best possible life for yourself. diagnosis is a thing to accurately describe an experience and to offer a starting point.

if someone is looking to understand dissociation and work on themselves, i really recommend the book in my pinned post: janina fisher’s healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors. it’s free online (and there’s an audiobook on Spotify) - it was written for professionals and clients alike and it has some of the most accessible language and framing I've come across. it doesn’t give you a list of archetypes to match with or Decide which one you are (or aa test to determine how many sanses are in your brain which would be a little funny granted) - what it does do is explain dissociation and internal conflict in a way that makes a ton of sense, and then walks you through what to actually do about it. which i know isn’t as exciting as “how to tell if you’re an internal protector vs an introject vs a memory holder,” but in my perspective is so much more helpful in the long run.

i get frustrated sometimes because people say they want to understand themselves or be “accurate,” but then dismiss anything that isn’t a carrd or a digestible infographic. i try to balance my frustration with understanding these things are difficult sometimes, but sometimes I'm like. yes. it is hard to process and recognize and understand. if it were easy it would not be complex.

this book won’t tell you “yes you have DID” or “no you don’t.” it will tell you “here’s how to get along better with yourself even if you don’t know yet.” and that’s kind of the point, right?

it’s like..... if someone was experiencing really bad dysphoria, but instead of exploring ways to feel more comfortable, what that might mean for their presentation, transition, etc, they just spent all their time trying to decide whether they were technically xenogender or masc-leaning voidflux. and that’s not bad! labels can be cozy and validating and help you. but they don’t define or make you have a relationship with yourself on their own. it just gives people a shorthand (link they have to be given every time) so they could copypaste/read a description written by someone else about a nebulous assortment of words and feelings. and knowing a word doesn’t actually give you permission to take care of yourself. you already had that.