I take so many L's

I love working Memphis flights because the passengers are always like "I hate Memphis 😡 no one should ever come here if they can help it. But if you ever do, here's my number and my sister's neighbor's number in case I'm out of town. We'll show you the real Memphis. Also I tweeted at your airline and told them they need to give you, specifically, a raise. Fuck this city. It's the only place I've ever lived and I hate it. Here's $15 and a bag of chocolates. I love you. Don't come here."

Walking back from the airport starbucks I passed half my passengers as they were leaving and they all thanked me by name and when I told them to have a good day they literally all said "I won't!"

If I could erase one memory I would open defunctland disney channel theme and erase my memory of alex lasarenko so I could experience "you've been listening to his music the whole time" again

"If you smile too much you'll get laugh lines!!!!!" what a horrible curse, to be afraid of having happiness permanently placed onto your body

I often write from an elf's perspective and my favorite thing to do is to write how much they adore their mortal loved one's laugh lines and crow's lines. How wonderful it is to show signs of how happy you've been!

Breaking into someone’s house, stealing a bunch of his food and drinks, and then singing a prepared diss track about how much he hates that you’re being assholes is absolutely wild and if I were Bilbo Baggins I would not help these people get their home back