SomberSolace00

@bunnyjennyphoto

He said, "Lord, why did her leaving just leave me in sin?"

We were two hearts just beating with blood running thin

Now he can't find her rhythm, so he turns to the gin

In hopes that he can drown out that flame deep within

Ah, but she ain't so different, she's living the same

She just uses a different prescription for pain

She sparks up her lighter and stares at the flame

Yeah, they'd both rather die numb than live on insane

I’d like to say, “why am I like this?” But the truth is I’ve never met a soul that wanted to know. The real question is what is it about me that makes people not want to scratch below the surface? Or is it that the majority of people on this earth now run around in a self made hurry with no time to get to know another soul? Both?

It makes me feel not whole. Like I am missing out on a basic human experience. I don’t want to die one day knowing my soul went unseen for the entirety of its existence.

Pic found at https://linktr.ee/backfromtheborderline?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=d228a0c8-daee-4a43-a70c-8637c89aa47f

You spend every waking moment caring and worrying for those you love, and no cares and worries for you then you wonder how you lost yourself. It’s no wonder that you can’t find her. She’s gone, dead. I spend hours a day thinking about her. How was she able to be? How was she happy every single day? What a luxury I fear I’ll never have again. The most painful part for me was not the realization of her being gone, but trying to create a new me that was happy too. I was successful and proud that I did it. The problem is in order to do that I had to put myself first. To become selfish, very selfish, but oh was I happy. Turns out those close to me didn’t like it at all. I regret it, but I killed her too. In order to make the ones I love happy I had to morn another me. Now I spend everyday thinking endlessly about how I loved both of them so deeply it aches in my bones. Why do we do this? I wish I could say that I didn’t ask for this, but sadly I did. All I wanted was a family, but it turns out it comes at a great cost. Men carry many burdens that I may never know of, but heed my warning women. Fight fiercely to protect the one that is most important because once she’s gone there may be no way of getting her back, and it is a sorrow that will eat you alive from the inside out. Worst of all when you lose yourself you fail to be the wife, mother, friend, and lover you so desperately want to be. You will be a hollow shell of your former self, and you will spend every ounce of energy that you have every single day fighting to reclaim what was once yours. Yet you will close your eyes every night, knowing that you have failed again, and that alone snuffs out any chance you had of being happy again.