Only the Lonely

Lonely the days

They grow darker

Flow by

I am only the lonely

The darkness unfolds me

And folds me and holds me

A stifling embrace

How lonely am I

You tell me I'm the problem

Tell I am not worth saving

Like the problem's not your problem

Nor the monster you've created

All the words became a mantra

All your anger I absorbed

My silence is my armor

My indifference my sword

If I cry you call it weakness

If I scream I am insane

Mind games keep the fire burning

Make reality my chain

Gave me plastic empty safety

That my trauma has embraced

Even if love is a prison

Yesterday became the end

A few words pierced my heart

It seems that everything I am

Was nothing from the start

My trauma took the stage one day

And that's what I became

The fear of fear absorbed my soul

Please don't hurt me

Please don't leave me

Hold my hand

Please help me breathing

Please don't argue

Please stop screaming

Please don't stop my heart from beating

I'll be better

Please don't break me

Please provide me plastic safety

I need structure

Please don't take it

If you don't love me

You mess with my feelings

And claim that it's love

Then tell me you do it so I will wake up

I am awake, I still haven't slept

I constantly replay your words in my head

I know I am broken

I know I'm fucked up

I just need some safety and someone to trust

So I will hold on and beg you to stay

I am drowning us both

Our love became a show

I can drown on my own

Touch the shore and let go

Every aim to survive

Is a reason to die

If I'm drowning your light

Let me go

I can hold my own hand

And withstand a million storms

I can sing myself a lie

They don't see the screaming

They don't see the liar

Who keeps throwing wood in a house that's on fire

The flames they get higher

The tenant is dying

But still you convince them she's not even trying

The water won't save her

The walls will collapse

The fire has spread to the walls in her head

She drops to the floor

And finally gives in

You got what you wanted

And just as expected

You hurt me again

Your words are like bullets

I could hold your hand forever

And still know that it was wrong

I can lie myself a future

For a second I belong

Is it ignorant to hold on

If the love's already gone

If it's burried in the rubble

Everytime that I read and I see

I can't breathe, can't believe

I can't breathe

In this world that is not designed for me

I can't breathe

Everytime that I try it's a lie

I can't breathe

In this world that feels like hell to me

It is not that I want to die

You need me to change

Step away from my old ways

Be more present in the day

But I can't step out the frame

I'm surrounded by these walls

They protect me when I fall

And unlike you they don't promise

Golden skies

At least they're honest

You need me to change

If I still want you to stay

Ultimatums become chains

Scattered pieces in the hands of the people

That claim love is the reason that they circle in circles

Round a heart that feels shattered and a brain that feels broken

But just like for me they're unable to hold them

They will scatter the shatter

And down on my knees

I reclaim the small pieces of an incomplete puzzle

Like a thief who steals objects that are already stolen

Trauma will not leave side

It has too many places to hide

Trauma feeds on my tears

And it echoes my fears

Gather your audience

Let your lies be transformed to your truth

Make them believe

Turn your war into peace

Today you left without a reason

Trauma hides inside my veins

Has a permanent room in my brain

It will only appear

When new trauma is here