Photographed by Jenna Greene for WWD

If I think about a Derry Girls au too long, I literally pass out. It’s like, what if the Losers were 8 times stupider and more chaotic? It’s all I’ve ever wanted!!

Like I don’t even know how you would even plot this fic out? Literally all 5 of them would encounter Pennywise and immediately scream and try to hit him with the nearest object?? Like Pennywise would starve to death in Derry. All the kids would throw hands the second they saw him.

“Are ye saying you saw a clown, Michelle?”

“Aye, it was a fecking clown, Claire.”

“But, clowns aren’t even scary!” 

“Aye, I know that, and I told the wee bastard as much, then he grew a bunch of fangs, like, total cracker actually if ye think about it.”

“Have none of you considered that a grown man dressed like a clown hiding in the sewers who wants to eat children might be something to take at least a little bit seriously?!?”

“Ach, seriously, fuck off James, go be a craic killer somewhere else!”

“Have ye considered James that maybe the clown is more afeared of us, than we are a him?”

“No, Orla, I hadn’t considered that, thank you.”

“Okay girls, I think we’re all missing the point here! You said that he grew fangs!??! Are you sure you weren’t just a wee bit blackout drunk?!”

“Well to be fair, I was boking all over myself, Erin, to be sure, yeah.”

___

“What’s this I hear about a man dressed like a clown in the sewers?”

“But da you don’t think our Erin is daft enough to play in the sewers do ye?”

“I’m sure it’s just an urban legend, Joe.”

“You watch your tone with me boy! I’ll not have some wee Southern shite tell me what’s real and what’s myth!”

“I tell ya it’s real! As real as my right hand, swear to God!”

“Erin! I don’t want you goin anywhere near no man approachin wains dressed like a clown!”

“But don’t you think the whole affair of dressing up as a clown like, is a wee bit… gay? Uh- I mean no offense son.”

Nicola and Siobhán are auctioning off a signed copy of this Derry Girls behind the scenes photo.