life has being feeling a lot like this dump: confusing
I'm not really too sure where I am figuratively speaking. I'm lost but also found? I have so many things to say but I'm not sure how to. There are a lot of thoughts that are constant and consume me. I don't feel the same. I look at it as an awakening. I'm excited for whats to come. Stillness makes me nervous because I've been conditioned to chaos for so long.
I'm not dating. I find that I operate better when I'm alone. I'm also scared of partnerships at this point. I really don't feel like being let down again so why not reinvest that energy I'd give to a person back into myself? idk I think its the safest option. No amount of promises or physical intimacy can fill the void for me.
I decided that I won't be in nyc this upcoming winter. I'm not sure where I'll go yet but the beautiful thing about life is free will. I'll find the perfect place or I'll let it find me.
I've been spending a lot of time with my mom as of recently. I see our relationship heading in a positive direction. After years of saving her from herself, I think we've landed in a place where we can both exhale. I've missed this for so many years. I think it's really all I've ever wanted.
I thought writing this would create clarity but I think I'm ending this a little more confused than I was when I started. But thats okay. I'm not expected to have all of the answers. I am allowed to not have solutions. I am allowed to make mistakes. I am allowed to freely express my feelings. I am allowed to be
