still stuck on damon reflecting on how diana showed him a bit of kindness in two whole scenes and that made him willing to forsake the stance he had argued extensively for, just to help her. crazy. fucking crazy

i've already talked about this in dms but like. man diana makes me SO emotional. second youngest person in the killing game. a man who she looked up to and considered a friend attacks her, and then dies horribly in front of her before she can even really process what has just happened. and THEN it comes out that someone she consistently reached out to and, again! viewed as a friend! resented her so much that she framed her for murder, AND intentionally set her up to be in that vulnerable position, fully prepared for the possibility that she'd either be seriously hurt by wolfgang or killed when the battery was dropped. and then guess what?? that friend ALSO dies horribly in front of her before she can process this. and THEN instead of getting upset, she chooses to live in honor of wolfgang, chooses to try and uplift the others rather than dwell on her own feelings. anddd she is IMMEDIATELY shut down. because unlike wolfgang, who she's attempting to emulate, she doesn't have the sway of his ultimate title to back her up, nor the experience. she's, again, younger than nearly everyone else here. not only that, when wolfgang gave his speech, nobody had died yet. it's a lot easier to have faith in encouraging words, and to trust others, when that trust hasn't just been broken. diana has wolfgang's conviction and desire to believe in others, but none of his influence. and not only that... while wolfgang encouraged everyone to trust each other, he still brought a knife to the meeting in the boiler room. diana didn't bring any sort of weapon. i think diana believed wolfgang's words more than wolfgang himself. i think she still does.

when you grew up as a lonely uncool girl it will never stop haunting you by the way. you will meet a cool person at a bar or the train station or at a friend's party and you can wear your most stylish outfit and striking eye makeup and you will swear that they can see through all of the facade and see the lonely terribly insecure teenage girl you used to be who desperately wanted to connect and you will swear that they know that there is like an insurmountable gap between you. this will happen forever