solacemygame

She asked me about my truth. And all i could think about was how much i love you. How much i still do. Sometimes, it is all the truth i know. I will always love you.

i still say good morning to you, you know.. or at least to the picture of you in my mind.. first thing in the morning when i wake up.. I don’t need to conjure you up, you are just always in my thoughts. With your easy laugh and smiling eyes.. i still hear the sound of your voice..

i miss you. :( i miss our conversations. I miss being able to laugh from the heart. I miss our connection. i miss making you laugh. I miss our witty banters and our comfortable silences.. I miss being genuinely happy with you. Because it was only with you i felt that way. I miss myself when i was with you..

hey! It’s me again. I know you’ll never read this so i’m not exactly bothering you, but the past days had been heavy. I know i should not be thinking about you anymore, but you’ve never really left my thoughts.. i hope you are doing alright.. i missed you a lot. Been thinking about our late night talks. Been looking at our pictures and the few clips i have of you just to hear your voice again. We were so happy then. I know i’ll never be as happy as i was than when we were together.. I miss hearing your voice and your laugh. I miss your smiling eyes.. it hurts that i’ll never see them again. I know you’d rather not remember me at all.. and I understand. i hope you are doing ok. I’m sure you are.. i wish i can still be there for you. To keep you company on your late nights when you have to finish a deadline, or to read something you’ve written. I’ll always be your number one fan with or without conversation. But i’m sure you have someone else now, to keep you company and to talk to at night.. i hope he gives you the love you deserve.. i know you’re happy now. And i should be happy for you.. i wish you all the happiness. You deserve it.

My eyes are sore and heavy. I can’t remember a day when I don’t find myself breaking down at random times, heart heavy with the thought of you. i know i should have moved on by now. I am long dead and buried to you. but you have taken roots in my heart so intricately that it is impossible for me to extricate you from my life, even if i never see you again.. You were everything my heart wanted. And i am still in love with you. You are still in my every waking thought.. and still the last one i think of at night. Everything still leads back to you. But i know i am dead to you..

Finished reading “The one that got away” by Charlotte Rixon. It was a painful read. My heart is heavy with the thought of you. Too many parallels. At least they get to reconcile at the end. I wish we had a better ending. But it seems you wish we never happened. :’(

the most painful thing i ever had to do to myself was to let you go. You will always be my love at first sight. My deepest love. The only one i know i was fully in love with.. Letting you go was my greatest regret..