Forever Waiting & Wishful

One of these days, I'm going to win the Euromillions jackpot, move to Seoul, live in Hannam The Hill as So Jisub's neighbor, and become a Studio Dragon 대주주.

“How much do you love me?”, I asked.

He paused and after a few breaths showed me his hand, looking like this.

I was about to cry, because, inwardly screaming, after four years, you only love me that much?

And then he said, “As much as everything, except this tiny space between my fingers. Because I love you but I do hate you sometimes, but only this much.”

I have been teaching him Ilonggo words whenever I get the chance and so far he knows:

1. Lugar lang!

2. Kaulumul

3. Damak damak (his fave)

4. Muta

5. Katugnaw

6. Kalolooi

7. Tonto

8. Buot buot

9. Namit namit

10. Kadaku

So he knows sentences like:

1. Kaulumul sa akon kon may muta ah!

2. Tonto kay Hapi ah

3. Buot buot sa akon ya!

4. Kalolooi sa akon, grabe!

5. Kadaku sang akon tiyan!

And the newest addition to his learnings is how to ‘magpahungag sang ilong’.

I showed him my ‘talent’ and he was trying so hard to move his nose but couldn’t.

So, my boyfriend is insisting that he gets the computer with the specs that my brother wants for my brother.

His argument is basically this: I have gotten the one I want the most since 3 years ago and my brother haven’t gotten anything he wanted since birth. And since he ‘gave’ me what I wanted the most, he wants to give my brother what my brother wants as well.

And apparently, the One I want the MOST is he (guess what: my boyfriend)!

I’ve been looking for a new place recently because I’m currently flatsharing and I hate it when people touch my things without my permission. As petty as it may sound, don’t touch my shampoo, my shower gel, my detergent— anything!

I’m huge about maintaining personal space that I don’t venture out to the kitchen when I know someone is in there, cooking. I don’t go to the bathroom unless I hear the other person coming out and her door closing shut. I have nothing much going on but I love my privacy. The ironic thing is, I like sharing stuff online. #facepalm

So, housemates have been touching my stuff and it drives me mad. So I’ve been looking for a place to stay because of that (I’m that biiiig on personal space).

Some Filipino friends have been offering me spaces in their homes (to rent). And it’s kind and all but thinking about it exhausts me. Even the thought of attending a Christmas party exhausts me. They would tell me, ‘Oh, this place is great because you’d be surrounded by Filipinos!’ And they never know how intense my inward shudders are at the sound of that.

As I grow older, I become more and more comfortable and happy with solitude. It has made me realize how introverted I really am. I still function around people like a normal person, but at the end of the day, it’s exhausting. But if you work with me you’d never guess that I have all these introvertish tendencies unless you look closely.

Like if a colleague puts his or her hand on my shoulder in a friendly manner, if I’m not feeling attached to this person I would definitely tense up and move away. Yup. #personalspace

When I was in college I would be so uncomfortable walking alone and eating alone and doing stuff alone and in retrospect, I think it was because I am an introvert and I kept looking for people to be my shield from the general public. So I cling as if my life depended on it. It took soooo long for me to find a boyfriend (hi babylove!) and in the process of waiting and searching I became comfortable in my solitude. And now there’s nothing more peaceful than walking alone, watching movies alone and eating alone. The only thing that’s better is when I’m walking, eating and watching movies with my babylove. Since I cling to certain persons, I think I’m not completely introverted. Maybe 85~90%.

You’re the only person who can make me feel like I’m surrounded by a thousand stars falling from the sky.