60 things ; things you said when we were 18. — non-idol!han jisung ; stray kids.
“it’s really graduation day, huh?”
you looked at your best friend’s reflection in the mirror. the backing of an earring was held delicately between your fingers, resting on the pads as you replied to jisung.
“yeah, it is. i thought you’d be more excited than you are right now, ‘sung.” a quick breath left your lips, an imitation of your laughter. “you look damn near ready to cry until you’re dead.” the backing hit the soft cartilage of your ear as you fastened the earring in place. you shot a quick smile at yourself in the mirror, glancing once over yourself to see if anything was out of place.
you turned around to face jisung, who continued to hold the world’s sadness in his eyes. the red silk of his graduation robe was slipping off his shoulders, his fingers were fiddling around, and his eyes - they looked lost. not exactly focused on any one thing, glazed over and dull.
your heart ached as you took his appearance in. jisung had always been that one high school student who couldn’t wait to get out of those concrete confines and run free with his high school diploma in hand. he had dreams - everyone did, but jisung wore his dreams on his sleeve, spewing them to anyone who would listen. the entire school knew he was desperate to live his own life, desperate to find something outside of what he’s been forced into.
the eyes of the man you were looking at held none of that former excitement. they didn’t hold anything.
“‘sung, you’ve been waiting for this moment since we walked into high school. what’s got you all down?” you stared at jisung’s side profile, taking a seat on your bed beside him. a ring-adorned hand ran through his hair, falling at his side as a sigh escaped his lips. the man turned to look at you, the corners of his lips turning slightly upward, resembling every bitter high schooler movie star.
“just… a tad bit nervous, i guess. about - about, like, what really happens after this, y’know?” you nodded your head as your eyes closed, letting yourself fall on the mattress beneath you. jisung followed suit, his arm sneaking under you to cushion the back of your head. “i’m scared too, ‘sung. but fear isn’t gonna stop any of this from happening, or anything in the future from happening.”
“just gotta let it happen.”
tears welled in your eyes as you waited for your principal’s voice to echo through the stereos, congratulating your class on the final step to adulthood. your cheeks hurt from how big your smile grew; your hands clutched onto the faux leather protecting that precious piece of paper.
“congratulations to the graduating class of 2019!” a choked scream left your lips, your arm finding a place in the air as your cap was flung from your hand. the people around you - people you watched grow up for four years - were just as much a mess as you felt. tears were streaming down their eyes, bodies were crashing together in hugs, some couldn’t stop screaming of disbelief, of excitement. the four years you had all called torture was over. life was really going to begin.
you found jisung outside of the nearby university’s gym, which held the thousands of people who attended graduation. the colored leather was gripped tightly by near white knuckles, you noticed, as you run to your best friend’s side, tackling him in a hug as soon as you were in the proximity to do so. a shocked squeal left jisung’s lips as he stumbled sideways, grabbing onto you in order to keep himself upright.
“we did it, ‘sung! we’re graduates now!” you pulled back, a beaming smile gracing your face as jisung’s dull eyes met your sparkling ones. a small smile tugged at his lips as he drank in how you looked at that moment. even with the smudged mascara underneath your eyes from furiously rubbing at them the entire ceremony - you were beautiful.
this was really gonna hurt, wasn’t it?
“we did it, (y/n). we’re outta here.” he looked at you fondly, a hand coming to pat at the crown of your head. it fell down, finding a place over your shoulders as you continued to exude unadulterated excitement. your eyes shined, your skin glowed and jisung could feel his heart pick away little by little as he continued to look at you.
you took a breath and turned yourself around to completely face him. your eyes were pushed into crescents as you finally directed something other than random babbling at your best friend. “what’s next?”
jisung almost let the tears fall then and there. maybe he was being dramatic, maybe this wasn’t such a big deal as he was making it out to be. maybe this wouldn’t affect your friendship as much as he thought it would, as much as he watched it affect others’. maybe you two would be fine, you two would be different.
you always were. that’s why you were glued to his side for four years, and his side to yours.
“you tell me, (y/n).” he avoided your questioning, trying to divert attention from his own plans, from telling you what was in store for him after this afternoon. he tried grinning at you, hoping it appeared genuine. but of course, you saw through his momentary facade.
“you’re not telling me something, ‘sung. what’s so important or scary that you’re not telling me?” your eyebrows furrowed as jisung’s eyes looked at everything but you. your heart had been racing since the moment you got up, but at this moment, it was racing for a whole different reason.
“well, uh, i’ve been trying to keep it a secret but-”
“why?! is it gonna hurt me? are you dying or moving across the world or what?” jisung tried to move away from your body at that. he scratched at the back of his neck, trying to find the words to tell you it was exactly what you thought.
“i got a record label to sign me, and i know that’s good and it’s what i’ve been wanting, but… uh, yeah, it’s in the united states.”
the permanent smile on your face momentarily dropped as jisung finished talking. of course. of course he had to be signed to a label on a whole new continent, in a whole new timezone; a whole new world, basically.
were you happy for him? of course! your best friend achieved what he worked for his entire life; being happy and proud was an understatement. watching him create tracks upon tracks, sending them to labels, posting them online, doing everything he could to get some form of recognition - it had all come to fruition. this was all jisung wanted, all you wanted for him.
you just really wished he wouldn’t move far from you. some other major city in south korea would have been completely fine for you; visiting wouldn’t take months of saving up for a three day trip.
it was selfish of you, yes, but you thought you couldn’t be blamed. jisung was your best friend for the biggest four years of your life; keeping him near was something you always hoped for.
hope doesn’t always work, as you realized just now.
“oh. well, that’s amazing, ‘sung! your biggest dream is finally coming true!” a large smile decorated your face, but whether it was genuine or not, you couldn’t really tell. hopefully, jisung couldn’t tell either.
jisung looked down at you, concern etched on his face. you tried to keep the grin on your face, hoping it would edge off your best friend’s concern at your reaction. he let out a sigh, his hand coming up to ruffle your hair slightly. “yeah, i know. i just… didn’t wanna hurt you by telling you. that’s why i kept it a secret.” a quick chuckle left you as one of your hands came up to lightly hit jisung’s cheek.
“shut up. i’m proud of you. i won’t be hurt by you moving to america, just as long as you promise we’ll stay best friends. so, promise?” you held out your pinkie, watching jisung, waiting for him to link his pinkie to yours.
it felt like hours, but he finally hooked his pinkie around yours, bringing your joined fingers to his lips. you rolled your eyes at your best friend’s cheesiness, yet you couldn’t fight off the tears that began to form at his gesture.
“we’ll always be best friends. i promise.”
oh, how promises can bring such false comfort.
