p1x1egutz: TW, 18+, some gore, emocore, scenecore, mall goth, goth, visual kei

starkissedmeadow: TW, 18+, dreamcore, gore, cottage core, antiques, fairies, nostalgic

not sure if anyone pays attention to this blog anymore but i've been really inactive and dont really dress in j fashion anymore after my best friend (a prominent figure in my local fashion community) assaulted me in 2021. after years of fear after the backlash from her and my local community and being blocked by many people i looked up to it has been painful and such a struggle to dress in these clothes and interact with this blog but i keep trying because j fashion has always been a huge part of my life, even before i met the people that ended up mentally scarring me.

i did lots of therapy and also did tms treatments to help with the trauma she caused and im starting emdr soon. after, if that doesnt work, my next step will most likely be ketamine treatments.

until then im going to continue popping onto this blog to continue to expose myself and lessen the affects of these triggers (this is part of my exposure therapy that my last therapist suggested).

i one day plan to create a video bringing awareness to my perpetrator and the people close to her that allowed her to take up space while leaving me uncomfortable to interact with the community (amongst other things.)

they know who they are and they know their apologies and statements downplayed what she did to me and they know what parts they played in allowing this to happen to me.

ive wanted to speak on this for a long time but ive never been able to do so without immediately deleting my posts but with the help of my therapist i will be able to very soon, just to put my story out there and also hopefully have her be held accountable on a public level. even if thats not what happens, i want people to be aware of her and the people that are okay with being around her.

i was 21 and she was nearly 10 years older than me when she did what she did, we became friends when i was 15 or 16. what she did never shouldve happened and i can't live in fear forever.

these people play a huge part in the los angeles part of the harajuku fashion community and they took advantage of the fact i was young, a nobody in the community, and at that time had a less than good public online presence due to my mental health struggles that i unfortunately made very public from my teen years up until my early 20s.

I am now about to be 26, about the same age she was when she (and the others) met and became friends with me, and i never ever have considered or attempted friendships with teenagers or young adults like the ones they all had with me.

I am not alleging consistent sexual abuse, there was just the one instance of sexual assault, but the things i was allowed to speak about and interact with are things i would not do or speak of infront or people that much younger than me now as a 26 year old adult.

all statements are alleged at the end of the day, i only wish to share my story and bring awareness to the types of things women get away with simply for being women.