itβs been so long since iβve been on here and honestly i didnβt ever think i was gonna come back. i donβt know if the people i met or the friends i made on here are still here but if u guys are still here then i just wanna give everyone a big hug.
nothing feels the same anymore. it feels as if my whole world has been snatched away from me and thereβs such a big gap in me thatβs sadly never gonna be filled. i feel so empty and numb and regardless of having gone thru something similar before it still hurts so much.. itβs so painful. i end up crying whenever i see him but at the same time i end up going to search for him on my own bc iβm still not ready to let go of him yet and iβm scared that if i donβt end up seeking him then heβll just be a memory somewhere along the line and i donβt want him to be that, just a memory. iβm so scared of losing him and him just disappearing slowly and the world moving forward as the days goes on as if nothing happened. as if he didnβt even exist in the first place.. i know the pain is gonna lessen as the years goes on but i donβt think iβll ever be ready to say bye to him fully.. like iβm still feeling so numb i donβt think i even wanna fully accept that heβs just not here anymore.
my heart truly goes out to anyone who knew him and to everyone who loved him. he truly was such a wonderful person. someone who gave many warmth and im gonna miss that smile of his so badly. the smile that cheered so many of us. gonna miss his goofy sides too :β) i just miss him so much..
and like i said before idk how many of u guys are still here, especially the 2017 tumblr aroha moots, but if u are here pls donβt hesitate to reach out to me π€ i guess grieving together is gonna be a little bit bearable than grieving alone so yeah feel free to come talk to me tho iβm not sure if iβll be able to respond immediately cause everything sucks and hurts so bad haha but iβm trying my best and i hope u guys will also try ur best and try to take care of urselves π« sending hugs and love to all of u
