first person.

bowling

my mother

my grandmother

dancing

sadness

was to unravel myself from

the spool you had tightly wrapped me around,

thinking you were anything more than human

placing you on a shelf so high i thought i couldn’t reach 

you remained there, collecting dust 

as peeled my sticky, sweaty body from my sheets 

stretched my aching bones and made coffee

pulled a knotted mess of thread through tight fabric 

we never made much together 

(i was a cameo) 

how it breathes with the sky

and how you’re a quiet sleeper

i had a dream you cut my hair

crooked

drinking coffee

ateen plays the guitar on loop

cats sprawl around

My throat is raw with ache and the regret of smoking too much

A catapult into a dark place

A selfish valentine’s fuck

A conversation that left me feeling shallow

And mean

And dread

I’m feeling shallow

And mean

red light red light red light at an empty hookah bar

your body your body your body

mint green mint green mint green light at my party

the nudes i sent to rosey

my amazon shopping cart, a vibrator and a mat to catch the kitty litter

my sweet drunk friend, her broken broken heart

your green raincoat zipped all the way up

red orange red orange red orange on the runway 

your friend: my friend wants to talk to you

you, tattooed and beautiful and 32

your hair, a dark cascade

over drinks you told me about:

your life, fucked up (but hopeful)

your politics, vague

your bedroom, just a sofa because you used to grow weed

lesbians, am i right?

you didn’t believe i’m a gold star 

two respectful kisses

a sad night in a san diego hotel

lupita’s wedding

getting punched in the face at tacos el regio

graduating college (?)

alison and liv’s visit during graduation (mostly drunk) 

a beautiful, hot day on the green belt

another beautiful day by the river

sobbing to girlpool with lauren

getting extremely sick one summer day after tuezgayz

moving (twice) from apartment to house to house

teaching english classes 

my weekend trip to new york

getting a job offer

our new year’s party

relationship(s).

with becky, a fire extinguished as quickly as it began

with stephanie, a song fading in and out

the best day.

day trip to blanco river smack in the middle of an anxious summer. we swam and laid out in the sun and ate berries. i cried with contentment on my way home. 

the worst day.

the day i was dreadfully sick and full of self loathing.

the most memorable moment.

getting punched. 

your best friend(s).

kye, becky, caroline, sarah, lauren, victor

your birthday.

spent in a korean karaoke bar with friends. i gifted myself a tattoo. 

the funnest getaway.

brooklyn. 

the end of last school year/the beginning of this one.

end of last year: stressed, exhausted, frequently drunk to avoid my anxiety

beginning of this one: nervous about the future, teaching for the first time and discovering a love for it, focused

new year resolutions.

take more pictures

go running twice/week and yoga three times/month

assume less;ask open-ended questions

write more (for myself) 

my ex, her girlfriend, my other ex 

i folded laundry and we four were quiet 

but maybe she should have 

the way you feel a latex glove snap against ur wrist, hug your knuckles

icy water on your skin in the morning, smooth after three days without makeup 

chapstick on a cold sore, and a cat’s wet nose, scratchy tongue