most likely to kiss a robot

so i'm a custodian.

whenever someone does something cool like shit on the bathroom floor or get blood all over a toilet, i have to close the bathroom down by blocking the doorway with a CLOSED sign.

this sign is big and bright. it says CLOSED in four languages and has a do not enter symbol. it completely blocks the doorway. the only way to enter is to look directly at the sign and either move it or climb over it.

almost every single time i shut down a bathroom so i can suit up and clean a biohazard, someone will enter the bathroom with a dead-eyed, slack-jawed expression and try to wordlessly walk past me to use a stall.

and every single time, i have to block their path and say, "this bathroom is closed. there is one directly down the hall, marked by signs. please leave," and they either try to argue that THEY specifically should be allowed to use this one, as if they are god's most special little guy, or express shock even though they, again, had to contend with the CLOSED sign to enter.

often, i am standing there in the middle of cleaning up bodily fluids having to firmly repeat myself. they always leave angry or confused.

anyways, you clicked this button to send me an ask about astrology:

The first thing I want to say is that not every writing decision is strictly better or worse. If Gollum had redeemed himself, I think that would have been fine too. Different themes, but fine. But back to what actually happens.

I think, for many people who are both viewing fiction, and thinking about real life, that the world is divided into Good People and Bad People. Good People are, well, inherently good and well-meaning. They make mistakes, and even do bad things, but it's because their heart is in the right place, and they can always come back to the light. Bad People, meanwhile, are rotten to the core. Any action they take that is Good is basically self-serving to advance their position, and they can never make up for any sin they commit no matter how hard they try. (Thank you, Calvin.) For many people, a "good" redemption arc is when a Good Person has a redemption arc. After all, they were always well-meaning, and just needed to see the error of their ways. A "bad" redemption arc is when a Bad Person tries to redeem themselves. Obviously, people can be forgiven, but there are some things you just never come back from, that are signs of an inherently rotten and malign soul. There's no way anyone who does stuff like (FILL IN THE BLANK) can really redeem themselves.

I say all this, because I want to make clear that by all possible definitions, Gollum is one of The Bad Ones. Yes, his situation is pitiable in some ways, but as Tolkien himself pointed out: "The Ring was too strong for Smeagol but he would never have had to endure it if he had not already been a mean sort of thief." Smeagol's first act upon finding the Ring was to kill his own cousin; compare that with how long it took for Bilbo or Frodo or Sam to start feeling the effects of the Ring. Gollum literally eats babies, for crying out loud. From a very cynical point of view (one that I don't necessarily uphold), one could (one-sidedly) argue that his budding friendship with Frodo was merely finding a point of connection with another living soul for the first time in hundreds of years rather than any sort of true remorse, and look how easily that relationship soured (Gollum and Frodo stay cordial for less than half a book).

But (finally getting to my point), that is exactly why it's important that Frodo spares Gollum, gives him mercy, attempts to befriend this wretched creature. Another facet of the Good Person/Bad Person dichotomy is that it transforms morality from an "internal rule" to an "external action" - murder is an act that is really neither good nor inherently bad, instead murder is Bad when it happens to Good People and Good when it happens to Bad People. Thus, morality becomes a subjective and self-absorbed game more than a code to live life by - since of course the self becomes the arbiter of all definitions, and no act can be unjustified. Frodo spares Gollum NOT because deep down, Smeagol is really a Good Person led astray by understandable mistakes. He spares Gollum because taking pity and having mercy is the right thing to do no matter who the action is being done to. Notably, the first and only time Frodo curses Gollum - "if you touch me ever again you shall be cast into the fire" - is the moment where it is implied the Ring finally takes full hold on Frodo's psyche.

The fire alarm went off at school today because of a mistake, but your teachers did the right thing to take you outside to be sure it was safe.

Some people use wheelchairs because their legs don’t walk very well. It can happen because they are old and tired, or because they got hurt, or because they were born that way.

Your Uncle Jerod talked to mom and dad, and wants you to call her Aunt Kari now. We will call her Kari too, and we can all practice together if it takes some getting used to.

Anticipate age-appropriate fears the child might have so you can assuage those that are not a threat.

Yes, Kitty died at the vet, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not safe for Puppy to go to the vet.

Yes, Peyton and Jo are getting a divorce, but they are both still part of our family and love you very much.

Yes, Grandma has cancer, but cancer is not contagious, so you are not going to get cancer by visiting her.

Anticipate fears that are realistic, and give the child clear direction about what to do, and what happens next.

If someone asks you to get in their car without permission, find Mom, Mama, or a teacher and tell them right away. We will make sure you are safe.

If Sparky’s sickness makes him hurt very badly, we are going to take him to the vet and she will give him some medicine, and he will die, but then he won’t hurt any more. Because Sparky is very sick, we are going to spend some special time with him over the next few days.

If the fire alarm goes off at school again, follow the teacher’s directions. If the fire alarm goes off and you are somewhere alone, go outside, and ask a grownup to call 911.

Reassure the child that they’re safe and loved, validate their feelings, and see if they have follow-up questions. Give them the option to take space to process, or to stay near you to feel safe.

I’m sad about Sparky too. Do you think we could make his favorite peanut-butter treats, while we are spending special time with him?

I understand why Grandma’s cancer makes you feel angry. It doesn’t seem fair that people we love get sick. Would you like a hug?