(socal)iente.

The most wonderful time of the year.

Morning walk down to the Parisian bakery. Lunch time cyber hangout with my beautiful Tumblrinas. Dinner celebration for a friend’s birthday. Free Starbucks from barista on way home.

It’s a combination of the holidays and near-end of the toughest semester that broke me several times over - but it feels so beautiful to finally have time to breathe and love and blog and feel things other than hopelessness and despair. It’s been rough but, as my professor said, the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncoming train.

Judith Hanson Lasater

I’ve had this in my drafts folder since January 2. You know what I was doing that day? Working 12 hours on a paid holiday in an empty office drowning in trial exhibits, demonstratives, and endless spreadsheets only to come home in tears and end the night screaming at the-exboy.

I imagine I saw this quote on January 2 and the answer could not have been more obvious - I needed out.

So. A reminder to self: this semester may hurt like hell but it’s pain that will get you places and will be more than worth it in 14 months. Fight on, soldier. Because we are never going back to that life.

30.

Ten years ago, I stumbled into the decade a rough, opinionated “know-it-all”-y, throws-up-every-time-she-drinks emotional bomb with great hair.

Today, I waltz out a polished, knows-nothing-but-herself-and-even-then-not-really, half-drink-max #stilldirty bombshell with great hair and badass nails. 

A year ago, I believed today would include a (vintage, filigree, solitaire) ring symbolizing forever. I chose a different ending to that story. 

Today instead included a (vintage-esque, simple, powerful) tattoo as a forever self-reminder to shine and see where the sentence takes me. I like this ending better.

So, goodbye 20s and 30s-that-could-have-been and hello shining-bright-30s-that-will-kick-ass. 

Or rather, theformerboy’s birthday.

I haven’t spent months planning this one. There is no surprise waiting for him. No gift. No perfect day of adventure. No birthday sex.

Instead.

I lay here 5 miles from him and he won’t know I’m in town. My phone sits next to me and he won’t receive a ‘happy birthday’ text.